The Misfits V The Viper, Revamped!
by L1701E
Summary: Chapter 8 of my first Misfitverse story, cleaned up and revamped! Complete! Next: Scarlet Witch and Darkstar's date! Read and Review, Please!
1. Chapter 1

**The Misfits vs. The Viper, Revamped!**

 **Disclaimer: GI Joe and the Misfits aren't mine. Red Witch owns Althea, Xi, and Trinity. The Starr twins are mine. The other Misfits belong to Marvel.**

 _ **Hey there, folks! L1701E here! I was bored one day, and I decided to re-read one of my old Misfitverse series, particularly this one. And...wow. Really. Wow. It amazed me how much I had grown as a writer since then. So I thought, what if I gave it the revamping treatment? This WAS the first Misfitverse story I had ever written, after all ("Rising Starrs" was the first in my alternate timeline, but that one was written LONG after this one). SO, I hope you enjoy the revamped take on it!**_

Chapter 1: Introduction!

 **The Pit**

It had been a month since the Misfits had gotten new members: Identical twins from Los Angeles, California. **(1)** The group had spent the time acclimating their new members to the team and the Joe way of life.

The young mutants were hanging out in a red-brick building the size of a high-school cafeteria, which was informally dubbed "The Misfit Clubhouse". On one corner of the roof was a construct that looked like a cross between a chimney and a crow's nest. It was used as a lookout area. It was dubbed that as it was essentially a large "fun area" for the team. The Joes built this area seperately from the main Manor because they knew that arguments between Misfits could get...destructive. As such, they thought it would be smart to make sure the Manor itself could not be caught up in such fights.

The clubhouse itself was essentially a big room filled with various activities. The walls were painted a relaxing shade of blue. One corner had a large TV with a couple of game consoles hooked up to it, and a shelf filled with games. A long blue couch sat in front of that. On one wall were a line of arcade and pinball machines (One of them was a Kiss-themed machine, much to the delight of the new recruits). Amusingly, one wall had a dartboard with a picture of the X-Man Cyclops (courtesy of Lance "Avalanche" Alvers) on it. The dartboard had darts in it...and an axe (again, courtesy of Lance). Another corner had a table for eating snacks and playing board games and puzzles.

At the center of the room was a pool table, and one of the Misfits was practicing shooting a cue ball at the target. It was a pretty teenage girl, with black and red hair that went down to her shoulders. She wore a red leather vest and black leather pants, black combat boots, gold bangles around her arms, and black biker gloves with red and silver bracelets. Around her neck was a black string necklace with an golden ankh pendant, and matching earrings dangled from her ears.

 _ **Scarlet Witch. Real Name: Wanda Maximoff. Physiology: Mutant Human. Affiliations: Misfits, (formerly) Brotherhood of Mutants. Powers: Probability manipulation, potential for sorcery.**_

"Okay, it's about how hard and where I hit the cueball, right?" She looked up at a teenage boy who was watching her, holding his pool cue. He was a bit of a lanky boy, his wild long black hair somewhat covering his face. His eyes were an intense chocolate brown. Over the left eye was a birthmark of a black 5-pointed star, in the style of the makeup of one Paul Stanley of Kiss. He was wearing a black KISS t-shirt with a sleeveless black leather jacket with studs on the lapels and small spikes on the shoulders, blue jeans with stylish knee holes, and black sneakers.

 _ **Darkstar. Real Name: Craig Starr. Physiology: Mutant Human. Affiliation: Misfits. Powers: Powers centered around birthmark-covered eye. Can fire laser beams from eye, or flashes of light that can hypnotize or blind people. Telepathic link with twin brother Paul.**_

"Yeah, pretty much." Craig nodded. "You want it to spin..." Craig pointed at a spot on the cueball. "Try to hit it there. Not too much, or the ball will fly off."

"Right." Wanda nodded. She hit the ball like he instructed. Wanda's cueball shot made it hit the solid red ball, and it landed in the pocket. "I did it!" Craig nodded in approval.

"Very good."

"You know..." Wanda smirked at the Los Angelan as she grabbed her chalk cube and rubbed it on the end of her cue. "If I keep improving, I just may be able to take you on in pool. I'll be the Tom Cruise to your Paul Newman."

"You're not a crazy Scientologist and your cue isn't named Doom." Craig retorted. "Let's see you hit it twice in a row." He was being watched by the two occupants of the couch. They had been watching TV, but found Wanda and Craig's conversation much more interesting than the movie they were watching.

"Would you look at that, yo?" A frog-like boy chuckled, his yellow eyes shining with humor. He wore a green t-shirt and blue jeans, and his greenish-blond hair was in a neat short cut. "And here we were, thinking he didn't like us."

 _ **Toad. Real Name: Todd Tolensky. Physiology: Mutant Human. Affiliations: Misfits, (Formerly) Brotherhood of Mutants. Powers: Toad-like mutation. Prehensile tongue, ability to cling to surfaces, superhuman leaping ability, able to spit slime and acid.**_

Todd was one of the first Misfits, having been found by GI Joe after being beaten and abandoned by Magneto. With the elite anti-terrorist group, the young mutant found himself a loving home and a family. He had become the adopted son of the Joe codenamed Roadblock. **(2)**

"Yeah." The occupant agreed. She had long black hair with blue streaks in it, and was wearing a blue top with black shorts, and had earrings that were made from triangular Chinese coins.

 _ **Wavedancer. Real Name: Althea Delgado. Physiology: Mutant Human. Affiliation: Misfits. Powers: Hydrokinesis.**_

Althea Delgado was the daughter of another Joe, codenamed Shipwreck. She was the eldest of six children, all mutants. Her younger sisters Daria, Brittany, and Quinn were telepathic triplet geniuses, the Trinity. She had a brother named Claudius who had a seal-like mutation. She also had an adopted baby brother named Barney. Because of his chicken-like mutation, he was called Beak. She looked over at Todd, who was her boyfriend. "That's good, though."

"Yup." Todd nodded in agreement. Craig glared at his new teammates.

"Don't you two have anything better to do with ourselves?"

Todd grinned. "Not really, yo."

"Aren't you two clowns watching a movie?"

Althea grinned. "This is more amusing right now." Craig sighed.

"You two are idiots."

"They're goofy, but they mean well." Wanda told the former gang member.

"It's cute that you're teaching Wanda to play pool." Althea smiled.

"What's the big deal about it?" Craig grunted. He tried to hide his blush. "I know how to play it, and she wanted to learn."

"I know that look, yo." Todd snickered at a blushing Craig. "That's the same look I had when I hung around Al here before we got together."

"Go to hell, frog boy." Craig growled in frustration. Todd laughed.

"Been there, yo. It was overrated."

"You and your brother are so different." Althea noted. Craig rolled his eyes.

"My brother is a goofball." Craig grabbed his own chalk and rubbed it on his own pool cue. Wanda shrugged.

"I think he's nice." Wanda lined up her shot at last.

"He is, but he can be a goofball." Craig shrugged. "The guy has this crazy idea of being in a world-famous rock band one day."

"Didn't you two perform for money back in LA?" Wanda recalled, taking her shot. She caused the ball to bounce away from the pocket. "Dammit!"

"You hit the ball a bit too hard and to the left. And yeah, Paul and I did busk, but that was different." Craig explained with a nod. "We did that so we'd be able to eat. Performing for a massive crowd...that's different."

"How, exactly?" Wanda asked. "You're still showing your skills to people, and you're still getting money."

"All that changes is the scale, really." Althea explained. "You're just busking in front of a much larger crowd in an arena." Craig thought about it.

"I suppose." The ex-gang member admitted. The four mutants heard the door close and looked over. A mutant boy with a very large gut, clad in a gray t-shirt and blue denim overalls walked in, carrying two big trays filled with burgers. He had a smile on his face and a blond mohawk.

 _ **Blob. Real Name: Fred Dukes. Physiology: Mutant Human. Affiliations: Misfits, (Formerly) Brotherhood of Mutants. Powers: Superhuman strength, invulnerablilty.**_

"Hey, everyone!" Fred greeted. "Just grilled up a bunch of burgers, and I thought you guys would like some." He motioned with his head at a red-haired man standing behind him with a smile and dressed in an orange-and-black uniform like that of a firefighter. The man was holding a third tray with various condiments on it. "Barbecue helped." Barbecue was the Joe firefighter. Hailing from Boston, he came from a family of firefighters.

"Kid's a natural with the grill." Barbecue chuckled, his voice having a New England lilt.

"I'm guessing that one of those trays had the burgers _you_ are going to eat?" Craig shook his head. "God, I will never get used to seeing you eat."

"Hey, I'm a growing boy." Fred grinned as he and Barbecue placed the trays on the table.

"More like ten." Craig retorted. "Maybe if you didn't eat everything in your sight, you wouldn't have such a massive gut."

"That's not really his fault." Todd piped up.

"The gut's part of my mutation." Fred explained. "I was born with it. The strength and invulnerability came with it later on."

"Hey!" A voice piped up from above. "I smell burgers!"

"Yeah, Fred and Barbecue have made burgers!" Wanda called up.

"Alright!" A teenage boy slid down a firepole from the Clubhouse's lookout area. He looked identical to Craig, except for a cheerier demeanor, and his star birthmark was purple. He wore a black Kiss t-shirt with a purple bandanna around his neck, and purple jeans. He wore black and purple biker gloves and studded wristbands. He also had on a purple tiger-print headband around his head.

 _ **Starchild. Real Name: Paul Starr. Physiology: Mutant Human. Affiliation: Misfits. Powers: Powers centered around birthmark-covered eye. Can fire laser beams from eye, or flashes of light that can hypnotize or blind people. Telepathic link with twin brother Craig.**_

"Enjoying your little session plying lookout, brother?" Craig remarked.

"Yup!" Paul nodded. "This place is so _big!_ " Craig sighed, and Paul eyed the trays of burgers as Althea, Todd, and Wanda gathered around the burgers and ate them. "Those ours?"

"Dig in, kiddo!" Barbecue held out a burger.

"Sweet! Thanks!" Paul took a burger and started chowing down. "These are great!"

"You might like them more with the condiments." Barbecue motioned at the tray of condiments. Paul blinked at the tray of condiments.

"Oh, right."

"You are an idiot sometimes, Paul." Craig took a burger and put some ketchup on it. "Already bad enough that you have to look like a refugee from a 1980s heavy metal video, but you _have_ to be so damned goofy."

"Aww, I'm hurt, bro." Paul teased with a wide grin. "Not my fauly I like to look on the bright side of things. And my style is my style. It makes me unique." Craig rolled his eyes.

"Hard to believe those two are related, Freddy." Barbecue remarked to Fred.

"Indeed." Fred chuckled, eating his own burger and watching Paul and Craig converse. "But it does make sense. Remember, the Starr twins grew up in separate circumstances, so it makes sense they would have opposing personalities."

"Does he _have_ to do that?" Craig sighed. Althea shrugged.

"Let it be, Craig." The leader of the Misfits told Craig as she put some lettuce on her burger. "He's gotten an interest in psychology since joining this team." She smirked wickedly at her comrade. "Besides, Darkstar. You of all people could use a psychiatrist."

"Real funny, Wavedancer." Craig grunted. "There are reasons I am the way I am."

"Indeed." Fred nodded, biting his burger. "Your rough and dysfunctional childhood has filled you with mistrust of others. Of course, I would have to actually speak to you more to get a further assessment of your issues."

"Oh, for God's sake!"

"Although I would not be surprised if you also have some resentment towards your brother." Fred added. "It's understandable. He grew up in a loving family and had a nice home, but you did not."

"I'm starting to have some resentment towards _you_." Craig mocked. Fred nodded.

"Ah, using sarcasm to cover up. Classic deferment technique."

Craig growled, and his birthmark-covered eye started glowing a hot purple. "Fat boy, you'd better back off."

"Take it easy, bro." Paul put a comforting hand on his twin's shoulder. "He's just trying to help."

"He's getting on my nerves!" Craig snapped. "He's asking for a laser in the face!"

"You are very lucky your laser can't hurt him, young man." Barbecue glared at the ex-gang member.

"It's alright, Barbecue." Fred waved him off.

"Let it go, bro." Paul advised. "The worst is over. We're together again, and we have a home."

"He is right." Fred smiled.

"You know, I'd love to see that Xavier Institute place." Paul remarked, wanting to change the subject. "It's such a _big_ place!"

"Ahhhh, the X-Geeks ain't all that." Todd scoffed, putting some tomatoes on his burger. "They _think_ they're all that, but they ain't!"

"Really?" Paul blinked in confusion. "I was hoping they were nice."

"They aren't a bad bunch." Barbecue assured Paul. "A lot of the Misfits' disdain for them is actually very old. You see, much of the core members of the group were part of Magneto's little mutant army. And they fought the X-Men a lot in those days."

"Trinity, Xi, and I were the only original Misfits who weren't part of that group." Althea explained. "At least, until you and Craig joined."

"Ah." Paul nodded in understanding. Craig snickered.

"The X-Men are pretty famous, actually." The Misfit codenamed Darkstar explained. "A lot of mutants on the streets of LA know of them."

"That makes sense. They made national news thanks to the Sentinel attack." Althea remembered.

"Yeah, and to be honest, not many mutants on the streets like them."

"...why?" Barbecue blinked. Craig shrugged.

"Why do you think?" The former gang member looked at the Joe. "The X-Men could've been a positive public face for mutants. They could've given humanity a good first impression of mutants, but they chose to hide themselves away. And then the damned Sentinel attacked, and the rest is history."

"Xavier feared humanity's reaction." Barbecue sighed. Craig shook his head.

"Mutants were not going to remain hidden forever. The X-Men could've helped at least soften the blow. But they chose not to." Craig bit into his burger. "And a lot of mutants paid for their cowardice."

"Big surprise." Todd rolled his eyes.

"Not to mention they would've been very media friendly." Paul continued. "Think about it. I saw them on TV. Colorful costumes, cool powers, if they played their cards right, they'd get their own cartoon and action figure line!"

"Thinking like an executive, huh?" Barbecue remarked at Paul.

"My adopted dad ran a toy company." Paul explained. "The X-Men would've made a great toyline. Even get their own cartoon tie-in to promote the toys."

"That is so 80s." Althea snickered. Todd's mouth tightened.

"Makes sense." He muttered, a little bitterness creeping into his voice. "Most of the X-Geeks looked like regular people. They would be photogenic. Hell, even _Fuzzy_ is photogenic in his own way. Not like me or Fred."

"...I don't get it."

"Look at me. Look at Fred." Todd explained. "Neither of us would ever be considered People's Sexiest Man Alive anytime soon."

"They don't see what I see, babe." Althea smiled, rubbing Todd's back. Todd smiled and put his head on Althea's shoulder.

"Oh, right..." Paul realized. "In toylines back in the day, the villains would be given hideous appearances to make them scary."

"Yeah." Todd grumbled. "We'd end up being the bad guys."

"He _is_ right." Fred concurred.

"Oh yeah, right." Paul sighed sadly. "You know, this conversation is getting a bit dark. How about we talk about something else?"

"Sure." Todd nodded. "Did anyone see the game last night."

"Oh yeah, defense sucked." Fred recalled. "It wasn't like those guys. They're usually really good."

"Maybe they had an off night." Paul shrugged. "It happens." He looked at the pile of burgers and remembered something. "Hey, Pietro and Xi are outside. Maybe they'd like some burgers."

"Good idea, I'll go get them." Fred nodded, then left to a nearby basketball court. The large Texan mutant witnessed two of his fellow Misfits playing basketball.

"Come on, Xi!" A skinny boy taunted, with slicked back neat silver hair, and cocky smirk on his handsome face. He was wearing a pair of gray gym shorts, and a blue-and-silver basketball jersey with a silver lightning bolt on it. He also had a blue headband on his headband, blue wristbands, and a pair of blue sneakers, with high white athletic socks with the blue stripes on them. He was dribbling the ball very fast. "There is no way you'll ever be able to catch me!"

 _ **Quicksilver. Real Name: Pietro Maximoff. Physiology: Mutant Human. Afilliations: Misfits, (Formerly) Brotherhood of Mutants. Powers: Superhuman speed.**_

"We _did_ agree to not use powers, Pietro." The person he was facing warned him. Unlike most of the Misfits who looked rather normal, this one was obviously different. His face, while humanoid, had a lizard-like aura to it, and his flesh was covered in green scales. He had dirty blond hair, which was pulled back into a neat ponytail that reached down to his shoulder blades. He was also clad in a pair of black gym pants, and a Washington Wizards jersey, bearing Michael Jordan's number 45.

 _ **Xi. Real Name: Inapplicable. Physiology: Artificial humanoid-reptilian lifeform. Affiliations: Misfits, (Formerly) Cobra. Powers: Superhuman agility, reflexes, invisibility.**_

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Pietro rolled his eyes. "Here's the thing though, buddy."

"What?" Xi blinked in confusion, slightly relaxing his guard.

"When we made that promise..." Pietro zipped past Xi, who yelped out a "Hey!" in protest. The silver-haired speedster leapt up and dunked the ball in the basket. He grinned widely. "I crossed my fingers." The ball bounced back towards Xi, who caught it, a frown on his face.

"I see." The Cobra-created assassin nodded in understanding. "Well..." A smirk formed on his face as he sauntered up to his fellow Misfit. He then turned invisible.

"Wha-HEY!" Pietro exclaimed. "Where'd you go, man?!" He felt the ball get swatted out of his hands. "What the-?!" The ball bounced on the court, and then appeared to fly through the air, land in the basket, then suspend itself in midair. A smirking Xi made himself visible, holding the ball.

"One of our new friends, the Starchild, told me a phrase he had heard." He tossed the ball to Pietro. "Don't get mad, get even. Said he had heard it in a movie." Pietro grunted.

"Yeah, yeah." The speedster grumbled. He was about to fire off a snappy comeback when the watching Fred whistled and waved his arms.

"Fellas, burgers in the clubhouse!" He announced.

"Wonderful!" Xi grinned as he and Pietro followed the large mutant.

"I'll get you back, Xi." Pietro mock threatened.

"And I will be waiting when you do." The three mutants went inside.

"Fred and I made these burgers, boys. Hope you like them." Barbecue grinned as he gave Pietro and Xi a burger. "We have to save a couple for Lance. I told him we were making burgers, and he said he'd come by in a minute."

"Where is the cat-loving rockhead?" Craig asked.

"He went to get his jeep repaired, Darkstar." The Joe fireman said. "After that little...misadventure last week."

"Ahh, yeah.." Craig remembered. "Lance and I had that brawl with the bikers. That was fun."

"Good to see you've made a friend on this team." Barbecue noted with a smile. Craig shrugged.

"He and I started talking music." The mutant explained. "Turns out Lance is a guitar player. Unfortunately, when Paul here heard that, he got it into his head about forming a band." He shook his head. "A band. Sure."

"Seriously, bro!" Paul grinned. "Think about it! An all-mutant rock 'n' roll band! The novelty alone will sell tickets out the wazoo!"

"How long would the novelty last, though?" Althea piped up. "Wouldn't you want to be more known for your music?"

"Not to mention I can't imagine many clubs and arenas would want to let a rock band of mutants perform for them." Todd added, biting his burger.

"I admit, I would love to see such a group perform." Xi smiled at Paul as he grabbed a random condiment and poured some on his burger then put the bun on it. "I have heard you sing and play, and I find it wonderful."

"Thanks, Xi!" Paul grinned. Xi took a bite of his burger, and his face contorted into a strange expression as his face turned red.

"Xi? You okay?" Wanda asked. Xi opened his mouth and a stream of flames flew out.

 _ **FWASHHHHHHHH!**_

"Yipe!" The Misfits and Barbecue ducked the stream of flame.

"Whoa...That was cool, man!" Paul hooted in delight. "Do it again!"

"I am sorry, everyone." A wide-eyed Xi gasped in shock. "I did not intend that to happen! The burger was quite hot!"

"You must've put my family's special home-made hot sauce on it." Barbecue picked up the condiment container that held the sauce in question. "It uses Carolina Reaper peppers. Hottest peppers in America."

"How hot, exactly?" Althea wondered, frowning at the container.

"One pepper was found to measure at 2.2 million Scoville Heat Units." Barbecue explained.

"Scoville Heat Units?"

"The Scoville scale is used to measure the pungency of chili peppers."

"Ah." Althea nodded. "Okay, I think we should stay away from that stuff for the time being."

"I've had that sauce on food before, and I find it really good." Fred shrugged.

"Of course he would." Pietro rolled his eyes. "With his stomach, he could eat garbage and still find it delicious." Fred frowned at the speedster.

"Too bad Trinity and Shipwreck went to the SHIELD Helicarrier, Althea." Wanda remembered. "What was that they were there for again?"

"SHIELD asked them to consult on an piece of tech they found in an alternate timeline." Althea recalled.

"Why didn't they just ask Reed Richards?"

"He and the FF were exploring the Negative Zone." Althea explained. "Although I have no idea why the hell they'd want to explore that place, considering things like Annihilus and Blastaar call that place home and fight over ruling it all the time."

"Because it's there." Fred shrugged. "It's why people explore, really. People want to see what's out there."

"I honestly feel terrible for Nick Fury right now." Pietro snickered. "Having to put up with Trinity."

"Trinity AND Shipwreck." Craig added. "How long until that old drunk causes a Helicarrier crash?" Althea's eyes narrowed at the Los Angelan and the speedster.

"My dad may have his problems and cause a fair share of headaches, but he's not going to do something like that."

"At least, not on purpose." Wanda snarked. Althea made a face.

"You are so helpful."

"I try." Wanda smiled at her friend.

"I remember he took Lady Jaye and that other nice Joe lady with him." Paul remembered. "The redhead with the slight Southern accent."

"The redhead is called Scarlet." Althea told Paul.

"Scarlet, that makes sense." He looked at Wanda. "Hey Wanda, they call her Scarlet, and you the Scarlet Witch. Has anyone gotten that mixed up?" She shook her head.

"No, that's not happened yet. It's not hard to tell the difference between us. I'm not the walking shout-out to _Gone with the Wind._ "

"Naw, just the Wicked Witch of the West." Althea chuckled. Wanda rolled her eyes and playfully punched a laughing Althea's arm. Paul noticed Craig snicker slightly at that. The young wannabe rockstar smirked at his twin.

 _I can imagine you thinking about Wanda dressed up like the Wicked Witch._ Paul teased his twin telepathically.

 _Don't you dare._ Craig grumbled in response.

 _Come on, bro._ Paul teased. _We can read each other's minds. I know you were thinking some happy thoughts over Wanda._

 _I do_ _ **not**_ _have a crush on Wanda!_ Craig mentally snapped, then cut off the link. He pulled up his jacket's lapels in an attempt to hide the slight blush popping up on his cheeks. Todd smirked at the mutant.

"Heh. I blushed like that when I first found myself thinking about Althea, yo."

"Shut up, Frog." Craig grumbled. The door was heard opening and closing, and it was revealed to be a tall, lanky teenage boy walking in. He was dressed in a dark blue t-shirt with an open brown leather vest and blue jeans, with black combat boots. His long brown hair was pulled into a ponytail.

 _ **Avalanche. Real Name: Lance Alvers. Physiology: Mutant Human. Affiliations: Misfits, (Formerly) Brotherhood of Mutants. Powers: Geokinesis. Genetic damage causes his powers to evolve and also makes Lance have occasional seizures accompanied by temporary amnesia.**_

"Hey, guys!" Lance waved with a grin. The others waved and said their hellos in their own way.

"Lucy, he's _hooome!_ " Paul grinned, impersonating Ricky Ricardo.

"How're you doing, Lance?" Barbecue asked.

"Got the jeep all fixed up! It looks great."

"That's great, kiddo." The Joe fireman complimented. "Anyway, I gotta get going. I have to run some drills for the members of my fire squad." The Misfits said goodbye to him as he left the building.

"My sisters want to add some gadgets to it if it's alright with you." Althea told the geokinetic. "They fell in love with the Bond films and want to make real life versions of some of them.

"...I don't know." Lance put his hand on his chin in thought. "Maybe the ones from _Goldfinger_."

"You should get the gadgets from _Spy Hunter,_ man." Paul grinned. "Missiles, oil slicks, the works!"

"Paul, man, it's a Jeep, not an Interceptor."

"Just saying." Paul grinned. He then eyed the pool table. "Hey, I got an idea! Wanda, my dear brother's been teaching you to play pool, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, I'll bet that you'll beat Craig in a game of pool."

"Hah!" Craig laughed, leaning against a wall. "Wanda could never beat me! She's learning, but she's not at my level."

"Oh really?" Wanda retorted, a smirk on her face. "I did learn quickly. I think I'm ready." She sauntered over to Craig and poked his chest lightly. "Unless you don't have the guts to take me on..."

Craig raised his head up and narrowed his eyes. "I have the guts."

"This'll be interesting." Blob whispered to Pietro and Xi. Xi nodded in agreement. Pietro frowned at Fred.

"It is so damn weird to hear you use big words, big man." The speedster remarked. Fred shrugged.

"I think it's wonderful that Fred is working to improve himself." Xi smiled at Pietro.

"Psyche-Out doesn't mind." Fred shrugged. "He thinks it's great I'm reading his books." Pietro groaned and facepalmed.

"Let's do it, then." Wanda walked to the pool table and grabbed a cue and smiled at Craig. "Well?"

"She is _so_ flirting with him." Althea giggled.

"Yeah." Todd laughed. "This'll be fun to watch."

"Go on, bro!" Paul encouraged with a laugh.

"You say you can beat her, Darkstar? Well, then. Put your money where your mouth is, Craig." Lance snickered, receiving a glare from the mutant ex-gang member.

"Grrr..." Darkstar growled. "Fine!" He walked over to the pool table and grabbed a cue.

"I say Wanda'll win!" Althea cheered.

"Darkstar's got experience. No offense, but he's got her beat." Fred said matter-of-factly.

"Wanda can hex Craig to miss." Pietro grinned.

"No powers, Wanda." Craig told her quickly when he overheard Pietro say that.

"Darkstar knows trick shots." Xi added. "He showed me some of them. He said he hadn't showed Wanda any of them yet."

"Shh!" Althea shushed the other Misfits. "They're about to start."

"Enjoy being beaten, Wanda." Craig mocked, racking the balls.

"Let's raise the stakes." Wanda grinned. "If I win...you gotta take me out on a date."

"Wait... _ **WHAT?!**_ " Craig yelped in shock, his face growing red. The other Misfits snickered. "The hell are you all laughing at?!" He yelled, looking around wildly.

"Look at that blush, yo!" Todd laughed. "He's like a tomato!" Craig growled, and took a breath.

"Okay...okay..." Mentally counting to ten to calm himself down, Craig took another breath. He then smirked at Wanda. "If _I_ win..."

"Make her wear a chicken suit!" Pietro taunted. He narrowly dodged a purple laser from Craig and a hexbolt from Wanda. "Sorry. Sheesh, tough crowd!"

"Okay...you gotta...hmm..." Craig scrunched his face in thought "...Go hex Beach Head?"

"...That's it?" Wanda asked in an are-you-serious tone, blinking at the former gang member. "That's the best you got? Hex Beach Head. That isn't much."

"Give him a break, Wanda. He doesn't have much experience with this kind of thing." Paul joked with a grin.

"Shut up, Paul..." Craig grumbled, pinching his nose with a sigh. Wanda smiled.

"Alright, how about this. You win, I'll let you think of something else. Right now, let's just play." Wanda got ready to fire the first shot.

 _This should be easy..._ Craig thought. Wanda pocketed a ball in the break, which made Craig raise an eyebrow. "I've been practicing, Craig." She smirked. "So, I got the solid balls?"

"I got striped." Craig nodded. Wanda smiled, and took another shot. Much to Craig's shock, she ended up pocketing every ball. His jaw was right on the verge of hitting the ground. "How...how...?"

"Damn." Lance whistled in admiration.

"That was cool!" Fred laughed.

"Damn, Wanda! Dad should take you to that pool hall!" Althea chortled. "He'd make a mint!"

"Nice work, Witch!" Todd clapped his hands.

"You really have improved, Wanda." Xi complimented sincerely.

"That was totally stellar!" Paul grinned. "That was totally awesome! I have never seen anyone trounce my brother at pool like that!" Wanda shrugged.

"Had to happen sometime." She smiled at Craig, who was still staring at the pool table, completely agape in shock. "See you at eight, honey." She whispered in his ear, making his cheeks go red. She sat down on a couch, and blew him a kiss. A blushing Darkstar growled. A laughing Paul ran to his brother and threw his arm around his shoulders.

"Ha ha ha! Look at you! Don't be down, brother! You're getting the big date with your dream girl, the girl who cast a spell on you, ha ha ha!"

"Oh yeah, witch jokes." Wanda rolled her eyes. "How original." Craig lightly punched his brother's arm, but Paul was too busy laughing to really acknowledge it. The door of the clubhouse opened, revealing a bald muscular mustachioed black man wearing a camouflage sleeveless t-shirt and green military pants with black combat boots. Roadblock, the GI Joe heavy machine gunner who tended to speak in rhyme, walked into the clubhouse.

"Hey kids!"

"Hey Roadblock!" The Misfits all greeted in unison...except for Craig. He just grumbled. Roadblock cocked his head at the young mutant.

"Darkstar, why do you frown? It's far too good a day to be down." Roadblock asked Craig.

"Craig has to date my sister!" Pietro cackled. "She whupped him in a game of pool."

"How? How? How did she get that good?!"

"Told you! I've been practicing!" Wanda laughed.

"You'd think he'd be happy, considering his crush." Todd whispered to Althea.

"I think he just got a bit cocky, hon." Althea explained. Roadblock chuckled.

"Let that teach you a lesson." Roadblock told Craig. "Never underestimate an opponent, son."

"Thanks." Craig muttered sarcastically, pinching his nose. _This is embarrassing._

"Also, the first piece of advice I can give you about a date, is to not be late."

"Yeah, Darkstar!" Wanda taunted. "I'm very punctual!"

"That makes me feel so much better." Craig grumbled. Paul snickered.

"I wonder how she got so good..." Paul asked innocently. The wheels in Craig's head began to turn in realization.

" _You!_ " Darkstar snapped angrily, pointing at his twin brother. "You helped her practice!"

"I may have played a couple games with her." Starchild grinned. "I was just trying to get to know the gang better. And she did ask very nicely."

"I will kill you!" Darkstar lunged at Paul, but Barbecue, Roadblock, Lance, Toad, and Xi were holding him back.

"It's times like this I wish I could blast you to hell."

"Lucky for me we can't hurt each other with our powers, huh?"

"Yeah." Craig rubbed his temples. "Lucky for you, brother."

"Ahhh, I know you don't mean it." Paul grinned. "Face it. You're stuck with me. And you don't mind."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." Craig lightly punched his brother's arm.

"Awww, look at that. You really do love your brother." Lance teased.

"Ha ha ha, you're hilarious. Don't get any ideas, Rockhead." Craig rolled his eyes.

"He does, he just doesn't want to admit it." Paul laughed. "Besides, look what we got here. We got new friends and a real home for the first time in a long."

"I know." Craig shrugged. "Recondo didn't need to take us in. Hell, he didn't have to if he didn't want to." Recondo was one of the GI Joes who found the Starr Brothers. When they joined the Misfits, Recondo became their guardian, as he had bonded with Paul somewhat. **(3)**

"The Joes are good people, Craig." Lance reassured.

"Indeed, Craig." Roadblock added. "We saw your were in strife, so we wanted to help you get a better life." Roadblock's Joe-Com beeped. "Hello?"

"How do the kids like the 'clubhouse', Roadblock?" General Hawk's voice could be heard on the other end.

"It's still standing, so they must like it." Roadblock smiled in response. "They've been having fun in it all day, they think it's a hit!"

"It sure is nice!" Fred grinned.

"Yeah, those arcade games look neat." Lance added. " _Galaga_ is a blast."

"And who doesn't love _Mortal Kombat?_ " Todd grinned.

"I quite enjoy _Metal Slug._ " Xi smiled.

"That's nice, kids. But we have some serious business." Hawk explained. "We've gotten a mysterious message from someone known as 'The Viper'."

"The Viper? Someone named _Viper_? And you make fun of Todd's, Paul's and my codenames, Craig." Blob smiled.

"C'mon, Fred." Craig groaned. "I mean, Toad? Starchild? Blob? A codename should strike fear into the hearts of opponents. Darkstar, my codename, struck fear into the hearts of Los Angelites." Darkstar smirked. Paul laughed quietly.

"I called you that as a joke, and it stuck." Paul reminded. Craig groaned.

"There is an actual supervillain called the Viper." Lance remembered. "Is that the Viper we're dealing with here?"

"It's possible, but we're not certain. We had a call from this particular 'Viper' a few minutes ago." Hawk explained.

"What does this 'Viper' person want with us?" Xi asked.

"Maybe we have fans. At least I might have fans." Pietro quipped. Starchild raised a thin black eyebrow.

"You have fans?"

"That's a laugh." Craig snickered.

"Heyyy there, Darkstar. Don't be jealous that I got incredible looks!"

"Why the hell would I be jealous of your supposed looks, Maximoff?" Craig sneered at Pietro.

"Besides, Craig is more interested in your sister's looks, Pietro."

"You stay out of this." A blushing Craig told his brother. Paul waved him off.

"Besides, Pietro..." Paul pointed at Craig. "This guy could be your future brother-in-law." Wanda blushed at the idea, and Craig's cheeks reddened even more.

"Oh dear God, no!" Pietro wailed in horror.

"I DO NOT WANT TO MARRY WANDA!" Craig yelled out. Althea laughed as she took a seat next to Wanda and nudged her shoulder.

"Looks like you got a suitor." The water-manipulator whispered to the hex-caster. Wanda rubbed her neck nervously.

"I guess I do..."

"Oh no!" Pietro shook his head and arms. "No no no no no! Nooo way! Noooooo way! No way _your_ anti-social brother is marrying _my_ sister!"

"I DON'T WANT TO MARRY WANDA, YOU MORONS!" Craig yelled at the top of his voice, his eye glowing a dangerous purple.

"That guy is crushing on her _**hard.**_ " Toad remarked.

"Amen to that, brother." Lance, Fred, and Xi agreed. Hawk was heard sighing.

"I need some coffee..." Hawk muttered. "Are you all quite finished? I have some serious business here for you all."

"We're good now." Althea nodded. "Go ahead, General."

"Thank you, Wavedancer. Now, as I was saying, "The Viper" relayed a message to the Joes, but appears to be directly to you Misfits. Here's how it goes..."

 _ **Who is this "Viper"? What is the message? Does Craig, the Darkstar, have feelings for Wanda? (A/N: Craig: HEY!) Find out in part 2 of: The Misfits vs. The Viper!**_

 **(1)** – **See "Rising Starrs, Revamped!"**

 **(2)** – **See "Ronin Toad" by Red Witch**

 **(3) - Again, in "Rising Starrs, Revamped!"**


	2. Food Fight!

**The Misfits V the Viper, Revamped!**

 **Disclaimer: Red Witch owns Althea and Xi. I own Paul and Craig Starr. The GI Joes and the other Misfits aren't mine. Lance, Toad, Pietro, Freddy, and Wanda belong to Marvel, and the GI Joe team belongs to Hasbro.**

Chapter 2: Food Fight!

 **The Misfit Clubhouse**

"All he said was 5, 35." Hawk explained through Roadblock's Joe-Com. The heavy machine gunner raised an eyebrow, and the Misfits all looked at each other in confusion.

"5, 35?" Althea repeated out loud.

"They're numbers." Todd blinked. "They're multiples of 5, and...that's it, really."

"What do the numbers 5 and 35 have to do with the Misfits?" Roadblock asked.

"Ooh, I know this one." Pietro smirked. "5 is Paul's mental age, and 35 is Blob's IQ."

"You're an idiot, Maximoff." Craig scowled at the speedster. "Paul's mentally 6."

"Real hilarious, guys." Blob said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, guys." Paul agreed. "You just revolutionized comedy."

"They could be map coordinates..." Xi suggested, taking an atlas out of a bookshelf. He laid it on the pool table and turned to a page that showed a map of the world. "There are only four possibilities: 5 North, 35 East…" The half-man, half-snake artificial lifeform pointed out on the map as he talked. "5 North, 35 West…5 South, 35 East…and 5 South, 35 West." Althea scratched her chin and hummed in thought.

"We'll have to split up and go to four different spots, General." Althea realized. "If you want to bring us along, I don't think there are enough of us along to give you guys some backup. My loony sisters are at the SHIELD helping with that tech examination, and Claudius and Barney are only babies."

"...We have heard rumors of a Cobra base around 5 South, 35 East." Hawk remembered. Xi looked at the map.

"That's in Antarctica." XI blinked in confusion. "Why would Cobra have a base there?"

"Maybe they're cookin' up something big." Lance thought out loud.

"Or they're making some sort of secret weapon." Todd suggested. " **No one** would ever think of looking for a secret weapon in Antarctica. That place is only allowed to be explored by scientists."

"This sounds like something out of a movie or a cartoon..." Paul whispered to Fred.

"Yeah, it does." Fred snickered. "Cobra's plans do seem like that sometimes." Paul then spoke louder.

"But why us, though?"

"Yeah, aren't us Misfits supposed to be just backup?" Craig wondered.

"Maybe this 'Viper' feels that only the Misfits can stop whatever Cobra's cooking up. Our mutant abilities do give us an advantage over the regular Joes." Althea suggested. Craig crossed his arms and scowled.

"I don't trust him. It could be a trap set by Cobra or some anti-mutant group. Paul and I have tussled with FOH members in the past. And we _never_ needed our powers to beat them."

"Well, except for that one time that those FoH jerks tried to torch that one girl..." Paul reminded, then shuddered. "I'm just glad we got to her before they did."

"And we made sure they never forgot what happens when they prey on kids." Craig nodded.

"I take it that's a story for another time?" Althea asked. Craig nodded.

"Yeah."

"But what if it's real, Craig?" Todd asked. "If Cobra's got a weapon or somethin', yo…"

"Hawk, I don't think…" Roadblock started.

"I _know_ what you are going to say, Roadblock." Hawk finished. "And I agree. The kids might have some trouble there. So I'm asking you and Barbecue to back them up. A couple other Joes will be there as well to help. We must find out what's going on there, and if it's dangerous to the world, put a stop to it."

Craig rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "With all the insanity that goes on around you people, I wouldn't be one bit surprised if the Cobra base turned out to be an oversized rest area."

"You actually could be right about that." Roadblock admitted. "Or considering our luck, we could find a monster modeled on the Cat in the Hat." Craig looked at Althea.

"You grew up with these people. Is this some kind of tic?"

Althea shrugged in response to Craig's query. "It's his thing."

"It's pretty cool." Todd smiled. "He should write a book of poetry."

"Only one way to find out, bro!" Paul smiled. He then formed a horn with his hands and made bugle noises through it. "CHARGE!" The young mutant ran out of the clubhouse.

Wanda blinked at Paul. "Craig, is he always like this, or did he drink some of BA's coffee?" Craig sighed and rubbed his temple. He had heard about the infamous coffee created by the crazy Joe chef, and the mere existence of it gave him a migraine.

"He's always like this, BA's coffee or no BA's coffee."

"Glad to see Paul's excited." Hawk remarked, amusement in his voice.

"I have to admit, Paul shares our excitement. Let's do this, General Hawk!" Althea whooped.

"When the Misfits are around, Cobra's plans are gonna drown!" Toad cheered, following the departed Paul.

"Yeah, he's definitely been around you _waaaaay_ too long." Pietro sighed at Roadblock. The gourmet chef simply smiled with pride. The other Misfits walked out of the clubhouse and got ready for their mission.

Later on, the team of teen mutants and a few Joes were with them, riding in a special helicopter adapted to the cold. Wild Bill, ace Texan Joe pilot, was behind the controls. They all wore winter clothes.

"Brrrrrr! I'm c-c- _cooooooold!_ " Pietro whined as he shivered.

"God, shut up, Maximoff." Craig muttered under his breath as he pulled his coat tighter around himself.

"We're all cold, Pietro." Lance retorted.

"If you're so cold, Quicksilver, why don't you rub your hands together with your speed?" Xi suggested mirthfully.

"I'll set myself on _fire!_ " Pietro exclaimed.

"Tell me when that happens. I'll get the marshmallows." Wanda cracked with a smirk. She looked around and saw the gang. Cover Girl, Spirit, and Roadblock were with them, as was Low Light, a mutant Joe marksman with the ability to turn his body into any substance. They were all talking amongst themselves.

Lance was patting his sides in an attempt to stay warm. Paul didn't seem to notice the cold, shown by his happily whistling a song Wanda recognized as Kiss's "Rock 'n' Roll All Night". Craig was silent, polishing a police officer's nightstick he had with him. The hexcaster had remembered that according to Paul, Craig stole it from an LA cop when he was twelve and he had it ever since. She then remembered Paul's remark after it: "They My brother proved he feared nothing that day."

Althea was playing cards with Todd and Xi. Upon closer inspection, Althea and Todd were teaching Xi how to play "Go Fish." Blob was playing with a paddleball. Pietro was trying to take his mind off the cold by taking a nap. His mutant metabolism made it tough though.

"I'm soooo **cooooold!** **"** The speedster whined loudly. "I'm bundled up like a pair of socks, but I'm still freezing!"

"If anyone wants me to cave his skull in with my nightstick, just say the word." Craig offered.

"Take it easy, Darkstar." Cover Girl patted his shoulder.

"I am so **sick** of hearing that silver-haired baby whine, complain, and moan!" Craig snapped. "How do you people put up with him?!"

"I am _not_ a baby!" Quicksilver snapped back.

"We got used to it. We just have to ignore it." Wanda sighed.

"I got it!" Paul offered. "Hey Pietro!"

"What?" The speedster looked at Paul. The Los Angelan's eye flashed with purple light, and Pietro fell into a trance.

"Take a nice relaxing nap." Paul offered. Pietro immediately fell asleep. "There we go. He's quiet for now." Wanda looked at Craig.

"Why didn't you do that? Can't you do that, too?"

"That's Paul's thing." Craig explained. "I prefer handing out a beating." Wanda nodded in understanding.

"Ah, I see." Her face then formed a smirk. "By the way Craig, don't forget our date tonight." She spoke in a syrupy sweet voice. Darkstar started muttering under his breath about the pool game while blushing.

"Aww, don't you worry, bro." Paul laughed, throwing his arm over his brother's shoulders. "I can give you some tips." The adult Joes decided to join in the fun.

"I was told about your little date. Good luck, kid." Low Light nodded at the former gang-member. Cover Girl tussled Craig's wild black hair.

"Ha ha, I knew you liked Wanda. I could tell from the first moment I saw you see her."

"Oh, God..." Craig groaned in embarrassment.

"Love is an incredible thing. Many good things it has been known to bring." Roadblock grinned. Spirit smiled and shook his head in amazement. Darkstar was _very_ uncomfortable and angry.

"I'M ONLY TAKING WANDA OUT ON A DATE BECAUSE SHE BEAT ME IN A POOL GAME! THAT IS IT!" Craig yelled in rage, his eye glowing purple.

"You know you want her, man." Lance laughed. Paul started singing.

 _"_ _I've been really tryyyin', bay-beh..._ _"_ Paul sang, doing a great Marvin Gaye.

"I. Am. Going. To. Blast. You. Clowns." Craig growled out, his eye glowing a hot angry purple.

"Okay everyone, let's knock it off." Cover Girl told the boys. "Craig's had enough."

"Yeah, sure." Lance chuckled. "Sorry, man. We're just messing with you."

Craig crossed his arms. "It's _not_ very funny."

"Hey listen, if you need some advice..."

"I've heard about that fustercluck you call a relationship with the Pryde girl." Craig frowned. "No thank you."

"It would do you a world of good to discuss your feelings regarding Wanda." Fred suggested.

"Thank you, but no thank you, Dr. Freud."

"If you do change your mind, we can discuss it privately if you wish."

"Whatever."

"Yee- _hah!_ _"_ Wild Bill called out as the chopper landed. "We're near the coordinates, boys and girls! Be careful out there. I'll be waiting if you need backup."

"Thanks, Wild Bill." Cover Girl waved at the cockpit area as the group prepared to disembark. She turned to Xi. "Uh, Xi...Can you...uh..." The former model tried to be delicate. "...handle the cold?"

"I may be part reptilian, but I am warm-blooded. Temperature will not affect my performance." Xi answered reassuringly. Cover Girl nodded.

"Just wanted to be sure." The ex-model said. The group walked towards a group of Snowcats, GI Joe snowmobiles. Standing in front of them was a redheaded bearded man in white snow gear.

"Right on time, guys." The man, the Joe codenamed Snow Job, nodded with a smile.

"Thanks for helping us with this, Snow Job." Spirit thanked.

"No problem." Snow Job shrugged. "Since you guys are going to be dealing with something here, I figured I'd help out. After all, cold weather combat is my specialty." The group boarded the Snowcats. Naturally, the adult Joes were piloting. One had Lance, Xi, Spirit, and Cover Girl, a second had Todd, Paul, Craig, Althea, Snow Job, and Roadblock, and a third had Low Light, Fred, Wanda, and Pietro inside. The three vehicles moved out and drove on. They drove to the exact coordinates, but found nothing. Spirit's was the first to arrive. The Native American Joe picked up the radio's mic.

"Spirit to Roadblock. Come in Roadblock."

"Roadblock here. Comin' in loud and clear." Roadblock's voice crackled from the radio.

"There's nothing here."

"You gotta be kidding me." Cover Girl groaned as the other Snowcats caught up.

"Right. Everybody out!" Roadblock ordered. The group got out of the vehicles and looked around. Cover Girl looked at a map.

"I don't understand it. These _are_ the right coordinates." The tank driver blinked in confusion.

"We'd better stay alert." Spirit warned. "This may be a trap."

"I knew it. I knew it! I knew this 'Viper' guy couldn't be trusted!" Craig yelled in anger, kicking the snow. "Now we're here in the middle of freakin' Antarctica, freezing our butts off!"

"Not really. I read there's a lot of science bases here and stuff." Paul countered. "Maybe we can say hi and get ourselves some hot chocolate!"

"I could go for some hot cocoa myself." Wanda admitted.

"Me too, witchy." Todd muttered, rubbing his gloved hands quickly. "I friggin' hate the cold."

"Heh heh heh heh heh..." Pietro smirked at Craig. "And you say _I_ whine too much." Craig sighed.

"Maximoff, I am cold and angry." Craig pulled his nightstick from his jacket. "If you do not want your skull fractured, I suggest you shut the hell up."

"Oooh, I'm so scared!" Pietro mocked, wiggling his fingers. Meanwhile, Lance and Low Light were checking out the Antarctic landscape.

"We shouldn't wander around, Lance." The sniper warned the geokinetic. "The Antarctic is too dangerous to wander around alone."

"I know, Low Light." Lance nodded. "I just wanted to take a look at the horizon a bit. Beautiful, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess." The mutant marksman shrugged. He looked around and noticed something on the ground. "Hey, what's that?" He pointed to a strange-looking glowing rock that was sticking out of the snowy ground. The glow of the rock allowed it to be easily spotted in the snow. Lance looked over at it and smiled.

"Beautiful rock." Lance smiled as he examined it with his eyes. "Wonder why it's glowing like that?"

"Alvers, don't be nuts! You may not want to go near that thing." Low Light warned, lightly tugging Lance away. "It might be a trap."

"Yeah, you may have a point." Lance agreed. "A real shame, though. It's a pretty rock. Kitty would love it."

"Are you two on or off again? I can't keep track." Low Light cracked. Lance snickered.

"Low Light, was that a joke?"

The sniper shook his head. "Me? Never." The rock's glow went from green to red, and it started emitting a strange buzzing sound. "What the?"

"Oh, it's glowing red and buzzing. That's never good."

"No, it is not." Low Light growled. A trap elevator activated and went downward, taking Roadblock, the Starr Brothers, Toad, and Wavedancer with it.

"Hey! What the-!" Toad yelled as they went down.

"Dammit!" Craig snapped.

"Todd! Althea!" Xi and the others tried to grab them, but they were too late. A panel slammed shut over the hole the elevator left behind.

"Aw snap!" Roadblock spat as the group went down. "What's going on?" Craig instinctively held on to his nightstick and looked around quickly. Toad and Althea readied their bo staffs, while Paul's eye glowed.

"Search me, yo." Toad quipped.

"Must you crack jokes now?" Craig groaned.

"Hey, it lifts the mood!" Todd grinned at the former gang member.

"Stay on your toes, everyone." Althea ordered. "We have to keep an eye out for anything."

"I just hope it's not anything really bad or scary." Paul looked around.

"Knowing our luck, we could end up getting swarmed by Cobra goons or their damned robots." Craig grumbled. "I friggin' hate the robots."

"You hate everything." Paul teased his brothers. "Besides, we can take 'em. After all, we're super-powered butt kicking machines!"

"Roadblock here has no powers, just a big gun and a thing for rhyming." Craig reminded, jerking his thumb at said Joe in question.

"All I need is my .50 Browning." Roadblock smiled. "The sight of it always sends Cobra running."

"See what I mean?" Craig sighed. A thunk was heard. "What was that?"

"I think we've stopped." Todd remarked, clutching his staff. A doorway opened, leading up to a hallway. "What is this place?"

"Keep on your toes, everyone." Althea repeated. "We have no idea what this place is."

"Stay behind me, kids." Roadblock cocked his Browning machine gun. "Don't want Cobra blastin' off your lids."

"And keep quiet." Althea added. The group slowly and carefully walked down the hallway, ending in a door. "What is this?"

"It's a door, babe." Todd answered. Althea shot him a look.

"Ha ha ha."

"What is behind the door?" Paul mumbled to himself.

"Knowing our luck, something that's really going to suck." Craig muttered. He then realized what he just said and groaned, then glared at Roadblock. "Thanks, Joe! Now I'm doing that damn stupid rhyming!"

"And you're a natural." Roadblock joked. Todd smiled.

"Heh heh. That's our Roadblock." The door opened up, revealing...a chamber. The chamber was what essentially was a big lounge, with tan walls, a dark red carpet, and a huge monitor on the opposite wall with a couple tan couches in front of it. The other walls had tables and arcade machines on the walls. "Huh?" He and the others blinked in confusion. "What _is_ this, yo?"

"Maybe Cobra is doing their own take on the Lizard Lounge." Paul quipped. Craig slapped him upside the head. "Ow!" He rubbed his head and frowned at Craig.

"Don't be a moron, Paul." Darkstar grumbled. With a whirring noise, a panel on the floor in front of the room opened, and a robot emerged from the panel. It was a small gray robot, the size of an oil barrel. It had a head shaped like a light bulb, and a goofy smiley face made of lights. The mutant narrowed his eyes at it. "What the devil is this thing?"

"Robot! Cool!" Paul looked it over. "Man, this thing can't even turn into a cool car or jet plane or robot animal! What's the point of this thing?" Todd lightly knocked on the robot's head like he was knocking on a door.

"What is this robot thing for?" The amphibious mutant scratched his head. Althea's eyes narrowed.

"I know I've seen one of these before..." She mumbled as she tried to recall the relevant memory. "You guys, we'd better not screw around with this thing. It could be really dangerous."

"Greetings." The robot piped up.

"What the-?" Roadblock's eyes bulged. Paul grinned widely.

"Hey, this thing talks! Radical!" He looked at the robot. "Who made you, Mr. Robot?"

"Welcome to Cobra Rest and Relaxation Base #9." The robot greeted. "Please follow me." The robot wheeled into the room, and the group followed. Althea snapped her fingers.

"Aww, now I remember!" Althea grinned as the memory returned. "The Joes busted up a base like this some years ago. This was a robot they used to welcome them. I saw one being brought to Airtight's lab for examination."

"So this thing's essentially an electronic doorman." Todd realized.

"Pretty much."

"A Cobra base! We found a Cobra base in the damn Antarctic!" Craig threw his arms up in the air. "I knew it! I **knew** it!"

"How did they manage to construct this place beyond the notice of anyone here?" Roadblock frowned in confusion.

"Antarctica's pretty damn big, isn't it?" Craig wondered.

"Please enjoy our facilities." The robot made a motion to the monitor. "You can work out in the Cobra Commander Gymnasium..." The monitor showed Cobra soldiers working out. The walls of the gym on the screen had several pictures of the terrorist leader.

"Boy, and some say Pietro's an egomaniac." Craig slapped his forehead with his palm.

"No kidding, yo." Todd agreed, rolling his eyes. The robot continued.

"Dining facilities are available in the Destro Cafeteria." The monitor changed view to one of Cobra soldiers getting food in a cafeteria line.

"Honestly, I could go for a burger, some fries, and a Coke right now." Paul joked. "I'll hit the place right now and grab some grub! Anyone want anything?" Althea put her finger on her chin melodramatically.

"Hmmm, now that you think about it, I'd love some chocolate cake."

"Maybe a nice Sloppy Joe." Todd licked his lips. Craig shook his head.

"Entertainments are held in the Zartan Entertainment Center." The robot droned. The picture changed to a row of dancing girls in pretty dresses. "Tonight, the Cobra Cuties will be performing."

"Hard to believe they'd name a place after _Zartan_ of all people." Althea remarked.

"Maybe he had dirt on the architects." Todd suggested. Althea nodded.

"That's make sense."

Craig smirked at the image. "Good thing Quickie ain't here. He'd have a heart attack at the sight of that."

"Yeah. He'd be beggin' to see the babes." Paul chuckled. He suddenly grabbed Roadblock's shirt and started begging, doing an impersonation of Pietro. "Pleeeeeeease, let's see the dancing girls!" Todd, Roadblock, and Althea laughed. Craig rolled his eyes, but did let out a "heh".

"That's pretty good, yo." Todd clapped his hands.

"You got a knack for impersonating, Paul." Althea added.

"Thanks!" Paul grinned, taking a bow. Craig let out a small smile.

"That's my brother." He mumbled to himself. "Ever the entertainer." He them facepalmed. _Dammit, Craig! Stop doing that rhyming thing!_

"Hey Craig, maybe you could pick up a nice slice of cake for Wanda. I'm sure she'd really love that!" Paul joked.

"Wanda is not my girlfriend!" Craig snapped, his cheeks bright red. Roadblock put a hand on Craig's shoulder.

"Calm down, Darkstar." Roadblock said. "Here, getting mad won't get you far."

"Al, Roadblock, what the hell do we do?" Todd asked in concern, looking at Althea and Roadblock. "We found a Cobra base in the Antarctic, and we have no idea what this place is here for."

"The robot did say this place is essentially a gigantic rest stop." Paul reminded. "Maybe there's nothing significant here."

"I say we get the hell out of here." Althea suggested. "Find a way out and tell the other Joes, and then we'll discuss our options." Roadblock nodded.

"Let's go, then. Quietly." The group quietly left the room. The robot watched them go.

"Have a good time, and drive carefully."

"Ah, shaddap." Craig grumbled.

 **Outside the Cobra base**

The other Joes and Misfits were gathered around the door. The Joe tracker, Spirit, was checking the cracks between the ground and the door, hoping to find some way to trigger it.

"Nothing." He shook his head and got up. "There is nothing here that could trigger the trap door."

"You sure, Spirit?" Low Light asked.

"Couldn't find a handle or switch or anything." Spirit shook his head. "Why haven't they tried to call us on their Joe-Coms?"

"They probably can't." Cover Girl suggested. "They either got jammed, or..." She shook her head. The former model didn't want to think of the other possibility.

"Well then, how did the damn thing activate, then?!" Pietro exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air. Lance sighed and raised his hand sheepishly.

"I think I may be able to answer that."

"What makes you say that?" Spirit asked the Misfit he adopted.

"Well, I saw this weird rock over there..." Lance remembered, pointing behind him with his thumb. "It was glowing. It looked really cool."

"I convinced him not to touch the rock, as it might have been dangerous." Low Light added.

"Anyway..." Lance continued. "I wanted to take it home and maybe show it to Kitty..." The other Misfits all groaned.

"Aw man, everywhere we go, Lance has to mention Kitty!" Quicksilver slapped his forehead. Wanda pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Avalanche, can't you go five minutes without pining over Kitty?!"

"I wasn't pining!" Lance snapped. "All I said was I wanted to send the rock to her!"

"Enough!" Low Light yelled. "We saw the rock glowing, and when we got near it, it changed color."

"Maybe it was the trigger." Cover Girl deduced.

"The rock may have been a disguised motion sensor." Spirit agreed. "Take us to it."

 **Inside the base**

"Wow." Paul mumbled in amazement. He, Craig, Toad, Althea, and Roadblock had found themselves at the "Destro Cafeteria". It was a huge room full of tables that brought to mind a school cafeteria. And unfortunately, it was full of Cobra soldiers having lunch.

"There must be a couple hundred troops in here." Craig grunted. "Paul, our hypnotic powers aren't strong enough to deal with that many."

"Well, maybe they'll be strong enough with some spinach? Heh heh." Paul quipped.

"Too bad none of us are Popeye." Craig answered.

"We gotta move fast and quietly." Althea whispered. "Let's go." The roup started to sneak by quietly. However, Todd eyed a chocolate cake on the food line. He licked his lips.

"Mm, cake..." Distracted by the cake, Todd's foot caught on Craig's, and the two tumbled to the ground. "Oof!"

"Todd, you bonehead!" Craig snapped.

"Oops! Sorry!"

"Why can't you keep an eye on where you're walking, you clumsy-!" Unfortunately, the commotion the two teenage mutants made caused a soldier to spot them.

"Oh boy." Todd mumbled. Craig facepalmed.

"Aw, crap."

"Nice work, you two!" Althea snapped.

"Sound the alarm! It's GI Joe!" The Cobra soldier yelled. Another one hit a red button on the wall. The lights went red, and an alarm klaxon started blaring.

In a command area of the base, a man was reading a magazine while leaning back in his chair. He had blond hair that was slicked back and gleaming, obviously showing he had used a little too much styling gel. He looked like a disco dancer right out of the 1970s, complete with platform shoes, and a high-collar jacket with the Cobra logo on it. The alert klaxon made him fall out with a WAH!

"Ughn. Ohh..." He rubbed a sore spot on his head as he checked the surveillance monitors. "Huh?" He saw the four Misfits and Roadblock on one. _A GI Joe, and some of their pet mutants! If they're here, then..._ The base commander realized something. "There's more Joes outside!" He pressed an intercom button on a control panel in front of him. "Send out the HISS tanks! We're being invaded by the Joes!"

Back inside the cafeteria, the Cobra soldiers realized they didn't have their weapons with them. It was due to an incident a week ago between two troopers involving an argument over which animal would be more dangerous when given cybernetic enhancements, and weapons got drawn. As a result, guns were banned from the cafeteria. As a result of this, the troopers were forced to improvise. It became a food fight.

"Nice work, Captain Clumsy!" Craig yelled at Todd as he dodged a pie.

"Get down!" Althea ordered. She and Toad flipped a couple of long tables up and the group hid behind them. A grin crossed her face. "I love a good food fight!" Paul caught a piece of chocolate cake in mid-air. He offered the piece to Althea.

"Cake?"

"Thank you." She took the cake and munched down. Toad stared at her, his eyes showing his desire for some of the tasty treat.

"Hey Al, how about sharing some of that cake with me?" The amphibious mutant asked. Althea smiled and kissed his cheek, leaving chocolate lip marks on it. "Thanks, yo." He saw another piece of cake fly by. The boy lashed at it with his long tongue, perfectly catching it and happily chomping down.

"How do we take 'em out?" Craig growled in frustration. "We can't use our eye beams, because the Joes have some kind of thing against us putting holes in people!" Paul laughed.

"It's a food fight, Darkstar!" Paul caught a banana and threw it back. "Use the food! We've been in food fights before!"

"Can't we just fight these guys like normal people?" Craig groaned.

"In this outfit, you must learn to adapt, Darkstar." Roadblock caught a herring. "If you can adapt, you will go very far." The heavy machine gunner smacked an advancing Cobra soldier with the fish. Craig sighed.

"Might as well." Darkstar grabbed an apple, and put his head over the makeshift table barricade. "HEY COBRA!" Craig pitched the apple and it bonked one Cobra soldier in the head, making the man fell over unconscious with a grunt.

"Randy Johnson, meet your long lost kid." Todd quipped.

 **Outside the base**

 **The group had gathered around the rock that Lance had pointed out.**

 **"There it is." The geokinetic pointed at it.**

 **"What did you guys exactly do?" Cover Girl asked.**

 **"We just stood near it." Lance explained. "Low Light told me not to touch it."**

 **"Pretty much how the earthshaker here tells it." Low Light confirmed with a nod.**

 **"Perhaps it has a proximity sensor." Spirit suggested. "It activates when people get close enough to it." He noticed that Xi had been staring out into the distance, his head cocked. "Xi? Are you alright?"**

 **"I think there's something coming..." Xi answered.**

 **"Out here?" Snow Job rubbed his red-bearded chin with his gloved hand. "Probably US Marshals or something." The group then heard a rumbling. "Please God, don't tell me that was a kaiju." Xi's eyes widened.**

"Look!" The artificial life form pointed ahead of him. Approximately ten HISS Tanks advanced on the remaining Joe team, complete with some ground troops covering them, all appropriately attired for cold-weather combat.

"Cobra. Aw, hell..." Snow Job groaned.

"Beautiful, just beautiful." Low Light grumbled, gripping his sniper rifle. The Cobra troopers and the HISS tanks opened fire on the heroes.

"WHOA!" The heroes ducked.

"To the Snowcats!" Spirit ordered.

"Prepare to engage. YO JOE!" Cover Girl cried out. The group of heroes got inside the Snowcats and drove away from the scene. Cover Girl grabbed the intercom. "Wild Bill! We need some air cover!"

"You got it, Cover Girl!" The Texan pilot whooped. "YEEEHAH!" Wild Bill flew down like an angry bird of prey, his helicopter's guns a-blazin' on the tanks. Two Snowcats, piloted by Spirit and Low Light, advanced on the HISS tanks, using their superior speed to easily outmaneuver them and fire on them. Cover Girl and the Misfits hid behind the remaining one, taking care of the ground forces.

"Xi! Pietro! Use your invisibility and speed to surprise them!" Lance ordered.

"We'll provide cover fire!" Snow Job added, firing his gun at the Cobras. Lance himself was staying with the Snowcats. His powers were too dangerous to use here in this part of the world.

"No problem!" Xi turned invisible and Pietro used his speed to confuse the soldiers, while the snake-like mutant used his fists and feet to knock them out cold.

"Let's go!" Cover Girl jumped in the Snowcat. "Roadblock and Spirit will need our help!"

"Right!" Lance, Wanda, Pietro, and Xi jumped into the Snowcat alongside Snow Job and Shipwreck and they engaged the tanks.

 **Back inside the base**

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Althea cackled madly as she dodged some fruit while pitching some vegetables. "I am the Queen of Food Fights! You can't stop me!"

"Gah!" One Cobra soldier gasped as he got hit by a plate of broccoli.

"Guh!" Another got hit by a tomato.

"Augh!" A third took a potato to the face. Meanwhile, Craig and Paul were throwing bananas like boomerangs at some troopers.

"Crikey, mate! This fight's a real ripper!" Paul quipped in an Australian accent.

"Please stop." Craig groaned.

"Sorry." Paul smiled. "Reminds me of a friend of mine. He was Australian. I miss him."

"That nut job." Craig grumbled. Roadblock was right in the fray, smacking Cobras left and right with big herrings.

"I'm beating Cobras with a pair of fish! Boy, the gossipmongers will love this dish!" He whooped.

"You have a GUN!" Craig yelled at the heavy machine gunner. "Shoot them!"

"It just don't seem right, using a gun in a food fight!"

"I hate that man so much." Craig grumbled. Toad threw some French bread loaves like spears.

"Hey guess what, yo? I found a use for French food!"

"Nice one!" Althea gave a thumbs up. "Check this!" She kicked a soldier in the side, chopped him in the throat, then whacked him with a head of lettuce in an underhand blow.

"That's cool!" Todd grinned. Craig watched this exchange, then glared at his banana.

"Enough of this child's play!" He yelled, pulling out his nightstick from his jacket. Darkstar loudly screamed an animalistic battle cry as he jumped into the fray, bashing skulls in with his nightstick. Paul's eyes

"Ooh boy. Bro, wait up!" Paul grabbed a couple strings of sausage links and followed his street thug twin, twirling the links like nunchucks, laughing. "Hail to the king, baby! WHOO!" One Cobra soldier blinked.

"What the-? OOF!" He took some links to the face.

"Combat cold cuts!" Paul whooped. Todd and Althea watched this with amazement.

"Those two Starr boys are a perfect fit for us, yo. They are nuts." Toad remarked.

"You gotta admit, those Starr brothers have a lot of guts." Wavedancer quipped, unintentionally rhyming.

 **Outside the base**

"I want my mommy!" Quicksilver wailed loudly as the HISS tank sent the Snowcat spinning. Lance moaned and held his stomach.

"My brains are going into my feet..." Wanda warbled woozily.

"Oh God, I think I'm gonna be sick." The earthshaking mutant's cheeks turned bright green.

"Whatever you do Lance, don't hurl!" Cover Girl exclaimed as she gripped the controls.

"I think I'm going to puke, too." Shipwreck moaned.

"Don't you puke in my Snowcat, Shipwreck!" Snow Job snapped. "I just had the interior cleaned!" After all the spinning, the snowmobile landed on its side.

"Everyone alright?" Shipwreck asked.

"I think I'm concussed..." Pietro groaned, holding his head. Lance groaned and clutched his stomach.

"Don't hurl don't hurl don't hurl dont'hurldon'thurldon'thurl..." He mumbled to himself.

"We gotta get out of here." Shipwreck groaned, fiddling with the hatch. The sailor managed to get the hatch on the back opened up, and Wanda Maximoff was the first to stumble out. She struggled to stand up, giggling like a schoolgirl the entire time.

"Hee hee hee, look at all the pretty colors." The Scarlet Witch grinned goofily, her brain temporarily scrambled by the spinning. She then fell on her butt, still giggling. "I fell on my butt, now my butt is big."

"Everybody out!" Cover Girl ordered. The Joes and Misfits managed to make their way out of the damaged Snowcat, but not without difficulty. The young mutants struggled to get out, thanks to their dizziness. She pulled out her laser rifle and fired at the advancing tanks. She eyed Lance helping Wanda to her feet, Wanda mumbling something silly before shaking her head. The ex-model couldn't help but chuckle slightly before continuing to fire at the tanks.

"What do we do, Cover Girl?" Xi asked the Joe. "My shuriken cannot harm those tanks." Lance and Wanda eyed a missile rack on the Snowcat. Due to the rolling, it got bent out of shape...resulting in the missiles pointing at the tanks.

"These landlubbers have got us pinned." Shipwreck grumbled. "Where the hell are the others?!"

"I got an idea!" Lance exclaimed. "Wanda, hex those missiles!" Wanda's eyes widened.

"Are you crazy?!" She gasped. "I could cause those damned things to blow up in our faces!"

"It could help stop those tanks!" Lance countered. He heard a helicopter. "Please tell me that's just Wild Bill..." The helicopter soared over the group's heads. "It's Wild Bill." The HISS Tanks fired at the helicopter. Wild Bill tried to dodge the tanks' fire.

"Wanda..." Lance looked at her.

Wanda nodded in understanding. "Right!"

"Everyone get back!" Shipwreck yelled, waving at the others. Wanda tossed a hexbolt at the missiles, then ran like a bat out of hell. The missiles fired and hit the HISS tanks, wrecking them.

"That should not have worked." Wanda blinked.

"I am honestly glad it did." Snow Job remarked.

"The skies here are clear as a bell, which is lovely for me!" Wild Bill whooped. "Time to blast that base to smithereens! Yo Joe! Yeeee- _hah!_ "

"Be careful, Wild Bill!" Snow Job warned. "Some of ours are in there!"

"Don't you worry, Snow Job!" Wild Bill laughed. "I'll be as gentle as a baby lamb!"

 **Inside the base, the Destro Cafeteria**

"Well, that was fun." Paul snickered as he looked over the bodies of all the Cobra soldiers while wiping some lemon meringue pie off his face. The cafeteria itself was a mess, food was everywhere. The Joes and Misfits with the young mutant had splotches of food all over them as well. Most of the soldiers were unconscious, and the ones that weren't were tied up by some rope Roadblock found. Paul tried some of the pie that was on his face. "Mm, I had no idea lemon meringue pie was so good."

"Yech." Craig grumbled, pulling a banana peel out of his hair. "For God's sake..."

"Hey, don't be grumpy, Darkstar." Todd chuckled, eating a piece of pizza. "To be honest, I'd rather be stuck in a food fight rather than a gunfight."

"Unless Shadowcat's cooking is involved." Althea shuddered. "I'd rather be caught in a gunfight between a bunch of crazy rednecks."

"Oh yeah." Todd shuddered himself. "Aw well, at least this one was fun, yo."

"Hey, Craig!" Paul held out a pan with half a pie in it. "It's lemon meringue! It's good! Give it a try!" Craig quietly glared at his brother. He then took some of the pie and ate it.

"Not bad."

"Yeah, I know." Paul grinned. "Who made this? This is good pie."

"We can find that out later, Starchild." Raodblock told the Los Angelan mutant. "We gotta find out what these Cobras here are up to before things get too wild." He gestured with his machine gun to the group of Cobra soldiers he had tied up.

"You know, considering what we saw, and the fact these guys were unarmed, maybe there's nothing going on here." Althea suggested.

"But the Viper's tip..."

Todd grinned widely. "Hey, I got an idea!" He turned his head to Paul and Craig. "You guys got hypnotic powers, right? Why not hypnotize these troopers and we can find out info from them?" Paul and Craig looked at each other.

"Makes me wonder why you guys didn't use that power to make the Cobra soldiers stop attacking us." Althea glanced that the Starr Twins.

"Too many soldiers." Craig explained. "Paul and I can only hypnotize about three people at once each."

"But we still would've had six helpers."

"Aquagirl, we need to make _eye contact_ with people to use that power." Craig glared at Althea. "In a battle like this, those soldiers weren't going to stand still and look right at us long enough."

"I...kind of don't like using that power." Paul admitted quietly, rubbing the back of his head. "You see, under our hypnosis, people can't lie, and we can't force people to do something they won't do normally. But to do that, we have to take people's ability to control themselves away, their free will. It's not something that fills me with willingness to use my hypnotic abilities."

"You had no problem putting Pietro to sleep earlier." Todd remarked. Paul rubbed the back of his head shamefully.

"I thought it would help prevent Pietro from getting murdered for his complaining about being cold."

"I see." Althea nodded in understanding.

"I'll do it." Craig offered, walking up to one of the moaning troopers. He grabbed the man. "Okay, snake man. Look into my eyes..."

"Horseradish!" The Cobra soldier mumbled in a daze. However, before Craig was able to get the man under his hypnotic spell, the muffled noise of an explosion could be heard from above, accompanied by some shaking.

"That idiot Avalanche had better not be seizuring again!" Craig grumbled, tossing the man back down. Todd shook his head.

"Nah, if Rocky was seizuring, the shaking would be going longer."

"And it would be _worse_ than this." Althea added. She pointed upwards. "The roof would be coming right down on top of us right now."

"It's probably the others outside, which is cool." Roadblock remarked. "It means they are coming to our rescue."

"Hope so." Paul nodded. "I don't think there's anything useful here."

"If there was a computer here, I could look in the base's system for something." Todd suggested. "I have a bit of a knack for computers, yo."

"My Toddles is quite the hacker." Althea smiled at her boyfriend. Craig blinked and jerked his thumb at Todd.

"This guy can use a computer?"

"Better than many." Todd grinned proudly.

"Let's get outta here, guys." Althea ordered. A Cobra soldier slowly got to his feet, and Craig knocked him out with his nightstick.

"Please." He said. The team quickly got out of the room. Meanwhile, the disco dancer-looking head of the base had been watching the fight, and prepared to leave.

"Aw man! Those freaks are tough! I'd better get outta here before they catch me!" The man ran like he had never ran before. He raced down a hall to an escape jet, but Roadblock caught up to him.

"Hey!" Roadblock yelled. He started chasing after him.

"Oh shoot!" The base commander yelped in shock. He ran towards the jet, hoping to get inside before Roadblock could catch him, but Toad appeared out of nowhere thanks to his ninja training.

"Stay for the party, yo! You're the big guest of honor!" Toad whooped. The base commander put his hand into his jacket, hoping to grab his gun, but Toad's tongue was quicker. The amphibian mutant fired sid long tongue, wrapping it around the man's ankles, making the commander fall on his face.

"Nice job, Todd!" Roadblock complimented, giving Toad a thumbs up. "You stopped this man by just being odd!"

"Hankth, Hoadbloch!" Toad tried to smile. The others caught up to the two heroes and grabbed the base commander.

"Roadblock to Cover Girl. We found a friend here." Roadblock grinned at the man. "And he's going to tell us all, you hear?" A little later, the Joes and Misfits were fully reunited, and the man was tied to a chair in his office.

"Alright." Craig scowled at the man, brandishing his nightstick. "You _will_ give us with some information. Who is the Viper? Why did he send us these coordinates?"

"I ain't tellin' no mutie anything!" The man snapped, spitting at Darkstar. Cover Girl smacked the man upside the head.

"Don't spit on our kids, Disco Dan." Cover Girl warned. Craig continued scowling.

"I could take this nightstick and beat the information out of you..." A smirk formed on his face. "But I don't have to?"

"Oh, what're you going to do, ask me nicely?" The base commander mocked. Craig snickered.

"Don't have to." The young mutant looked at the man. "Look into my eyes." The former gang member's star-covered eye erupted with a bright flash of purple light. The man's eyes then started emitting a slight purple glow. Craig's hypnotic powers had put the man under his control.

"I take it you got him under your control?" Low Light asked.

"Yup." Craig nodded. "Ask him anything, and he'll answer."

"He can't lie under our hypnotic trances." Paul added. "No one can." Pietro eagerly raised his hand.

"I want to ask him something!"

"Go ahead, Pete."

"Who do you think is the most awesome of us?" Pietro grinned.

"The one who can make earthquakes." The base commander answered, his voice in a flat monotone. Lance chuckled.

"Well, would you look at that." The earthshaker observed. "I am popular."

Todd rolled his eyes. "Don't let it get to that rock head of yours, yo." Pietro's face fell.

"He's gotta be lying!"

"He can't." Paul repeated. "It's impossible to lie under our control."

"What if he's faking it?" Snow Job thought out loud. "Not everyone can be hypnotized."

"People with strong wills can break free, but it still takes time." Craig told the red-haired Arctic trooper. "And this moron here looks like we can keep him under for a while."

"Are you a moron?" Todd asked the base commander in jest.

"No, I just dress like one." The base commander answered. The group chuckled.

"At least he's right about that." Pietro nodded. He then looked at Paul. "You and him would get along. Neither of you have any sense of style."

"I don't go around making fun of the clothes you wear." Paul answered back simply.

"Be nice, Pietro." Spirit chided.

"Guys, we need the info now." Low Light reminded. "Ask him about the Viper, Darkstar."

"Yeah, sure." Craig nodded. He turned to the base commander. "Who is the Viper?"

"He is a supervillain and the leader of the Serpent Society." The man answered.

"The Serpent Society?" Fred scratched his head. "Those racist lunatics?"

"That's the Sons of the Serpent, yo." Todd corrected. "The Serpent Society are different."

"Yeah, they're more a union of snake-themed supervillains. They're rather diverse, and they _hate_ the Sons of the Serpent." Spirit added.

"Oh yeah, the Fantastic Four got between a brawl between the two groups last week. It was funny." Todd grinned.

"If you don't know who the Viper is, why did he send coordinates that led here to us?" Craig asked the base commander.

"I don't know." The disco-dressing base commander answered. "This base is made as a place where Cobra troopers can rest up and get some relaxation away from the Joes."

Todd grinned widely. "Okay, I want to have a little fun with this guy!"

"Todd..." Roadblock glared.

"Sing the theme from _The Greatest American Hero!_ " Todd commanded the base commander. The man immediately did so.

" _Believe it or not, I'm walking on air! I never thought I could feel so free-hee-hee..._ "

"Toad!" Roadblock snapped. Todd grinned apologetically.

"I'm so sorry, yo! I couldn't resist!"

Cover Girl looked at the man. "I suppose we won't be getting anything else out of him." The tank driver surmised.

"Yup." Craig confirmed with a nod.

"Okay, release him."

Craig nodded. "Right." The young mutant snapped his fingers, and the purple glow faded from the base commander's eyes. The man blinked in confusion.

"Hey, what's going on? Where am I?" He looked down and noticed he was tied up, and his memory returned. "Hey, untie me, you Joe jerks!" He glared at Darkstar. "What'd you do to me, you freak?!"

"Be glad I asked you questions instead of these guys." Craig smirked, jerking his thumb at the Joes.

"Okay, this is weird." Snow Job scratched his beard in thought. "Why would the Viper tell us to come here?"

"I don't know..." Cover Girl frowned in thought.

"Let's search the place." Althea suggested. "Maybe there's something here he wants us to find. It may help us figure out what's going on here and what the deal is with this place."

"Good idea, Wavedancer." Spirit complimented. "Let's go."

 **Cobra HQ, some time later**

Cobra Commander cursed in frustration when he had gotten the news. That Antarctica base was one of the

 _What was that madman **thinking?!**_ The terrorist leader threw his hands up. He marched up to a computer on his desk and started typing. "That snake bastard had better answer..." A figure appeared on the screen. It was of a man dressed in a full body-covering costume in two shades of green. The eyeholes of the mask were covered by yellow lenses that had black slits on them, making them look like a snake's eyes. On his chest was an emblem of a snake. "Viper, what was the meaning of this?!"

"The meaning of what?!" The man asked in confusion.

 _ **Viper. Real name: Jordan Dixon, alias Jordan Stryke. Physiology: Human. Affiliations: Serpent Solutions. Powers: No innate superpowers. Skilled hand-to-hand combatant, knowledge of chemistry. Uses darts loaded with various poisons that create various effects.**_

Once, this man was Jordan Dixon, a former advertising executive. During his years of toiling in that job, he was also working as a criminal under the name of Jordan Stryke. He eventually decided to reinvent himself as a costumed supervillain known as the Viper. After some time as a solo villain, often battling Captain America, he gathered up a group of costumed snake-themed villains, where they became known as Serpent Solutions. One of the members, Sidewinder, suggested that the group be a trade union for supervillains. Stryke liked the idea and named him second in command.

Cobra Commander had hired Serpent Solutions for a job. The Commander had grown concerned about using the Dreadnoks for the job, as he had felt they were too...rough-and-tumble for it.

"You tipped off the Joes to our base in Antarctica!"

Viper blinked in confusion at the accusation. "...what?"

"You contacted the Joes and told them about our base in Antarctica! That was a hidden place our troops could use to relax away from the Joes!" Cobra Commander snapped angrily. "And you tipped them off!"

"And why the hell would I do that?" Viper asked.

"That's what I want to know!"

"I just learned of this so-called 'hidden base'!" Viper exclaimed. "You just told me about it! How could I tip off the Joes to a base I didn't know about until after they wrecked the place?!"

Cobra Commander was about to roar back in rage, when he realized something. "...you have a point."

"Exactly." Viper nodded. "I am going to forgive this little bit of insanity on your part."

"Fine, fine." Cobra Commander waved it off. "Can your little group do the job?"

"It will be taken care of." Viper reassured. "I suggest you worry about those soldiers and their mutant wards."

"We'll deal with them! Just do what we hired you to do!" Cobra Commander snapped, cutting off the transmission, leaving Viper staring at the blank screen. The Commander then sighed. "Where's my coffee?"

Another member of Serpent Solutions stood next to the former ad man, this one dressed in an orange and pale purple costume with a long orange cape and a webbed ruff. This one was called Sidewinder. Said member crossed his arms. "Well..." Viper looked at Sidewinder. "That just happened."

"I think he's insane." Sidewinder remarked.

"All we have to do is just get this job done and over with it." Viper explained.

"The money had better be worth it."

"Oh, it will." Viper smiled underneath his mask. He threw his arm across Sidewinder's shoulders, an oily grin under his mask. "Trust me, pal. When you see the dinero rolling in, you are going to be wondering why you ever doubted me."

"It had better, Viper." Sidewinder brushed the arm off him and walked away. Viper smirked.

"Sidewinder, my friend...You worry too much."

 _ **Uh oh! Looks like our merry Misfits are in big trouble! What job does Serpent Solutions have? Can our heroes stop it? And will Cobra Commander get his coffee? Find out in Part 3 of: The Misfits v The Viper!**_


	3. West Point Attack!

**The Misfits Vs. The Viper, Special Edition!**

 ** _Disclaimer: Red Witch owns Althea and Xi. I don't own the GI Joes. The ex-Brotherhood is Marvel's. The Starr twins are mine, however._**

Chapter 3: West Point Attack!

 **The Misfit Clubhouse**

The Misfits were hanging out in the clubhouse, getting some rest and relaxation. The young mutants were seated around a table, conversing amongst themselves about their misadventure in Antarctica...except for Todd and Fred.

"That was totally weird, you guys." Paul Starr remarked as he leaned forward and lied his head on his arms. "I mean, why would anyone send us coordinates to what was essentially a Cobra rest stop?"

"Maybe it was some kind of prank." Wanda suggested. Althea shook her head, a frown on her face.

"I don't know." The black-haired teenage girl said. "I doubt anyone would do anything that ridiculous."

"You've ever been to Florida?" Pietro cracked. "Crazy is the norm there..." He sighed and tapped his foot against the ground impatiently. "And where the hell are Toad and Blob? How long does it take for someone to get pizzas? _I_ could've gotten them here faster!"

"Be patient, Pietro. For once in your life." Wanda grumbled at her twin brother. "And besides, it's not like you can rush the pizza makers."

"Yeah Pietro, you'd have to wait for _them_ to make the pizza." Althea added with a smile. "Takes time, Speedy." Craig stretched his arms.

"If you ask me, I think this was done to make fools out of us." The former gang member reasoned. He glanced at his nightstick, which was attached to his belt thanks to a special custom-made leather loop. "This definitely _was_ someone's idea of a sick joke." He pulled his nightstick out of his belt loop and smirked at it. "I would _love_ to find the person behind it and choke the mother out."

"You know, for once, I'm with Darkstar." Pietro grumbled in agreement, crossing his arms petulantly. "I nearly froze my beautiful butt off out there in Antarctica."

"Oh, quit whining about it, man. You and your butt got through it in one piece." Lance rolled his eyes.

Paul smiled. "You know, it's too bad we didn't see any penguins. I like penguins."

"You like penguins." Lance muttered to Paul in a disbelieving tone, looking up him.

"Well, yeah." Paul grinned. "Penguins are cool."

Lance thought about it for a minute. "Yeah, I guess you got a point. Penguins are kinda cool." Wanda scratched her head in confusion.

"Do penguins even _live_ in the South Pole?"

In response to the hexcaster's question, Paul whipped out his phone, which had a purple case with silver-and-black star stickers on it. The young mutant then looked it up on his phone's web browser.

"Yeah, they do, actually." Paul explained.

"Okay, when did this conversation go to penguins?" Althea wondered.

"This is normal for us, boss." Lance explained to the water-manipulating mutant. She rolled her eyes.

"No wonder Magneto thought you guys were too goofy to be useful."

Craig groaned and smacked his fist on the table. "Oh, get off the penguins already!" He snapped in frustration, wanting to change the subject. "We got more important things to worry about than stupid penguins!"

"Welcome to being a Misfit, Craig!" Pietro laughed. "This is normal for us!"

"Do you have a hatred for penguins?" Xi asked Craig curiously. "I do not understand this. They are quite cute creatures, especially when they are young." Craig growled at the artificial lifeform.

"We have this mysterious 'Viper' clown to worry about, and you guys would rather discuss _penguins!_ " Craig yelled out in frustration. " **I'm** the only person here who is remotely concerned." The tension was dispersed by the sound of the doors closing.

"Ladieeeees and Gentlemen! And Craig." Todd announced triumphantly. "The Toad and The Blob have arrived! And they have brought pizza!" The amphibious mutant hopped into the clubhouse and up to the others gleefully, Freddy behind him. The large mutant known as The Blob was lugging around twelve pizzas as the group greeted him.

"Alright, pizza! Thanks, guys!" Paul whooped.

"About time, you two!" Pietro took a slice.

"You're welcome." Fred responded dryly. "Any leads, guys?" The Texan mutant asked as he put the pizzas down on the table and the group gathered around the boxes, grabbing slices and chowing down on them.

"Not really." Althea admitted, shaking her head. "And I don't think the Joes have any clues, either."

"We had gotten sidetracked into discussing penguins." Xi told his large comrade. Craig groaned and thumped his head on the table. "Darkstar doesn't like penguins."

"I. Don't. Care. About. Penguins. Right. Now." Craig groaned, not bringing his head up from the table.

"Yeah, he's too busy dreaming about Wanda." Paul quipped. A blush formed on Craig's face, but fortunately for the young mutant, his long black hair combined with the fact his face was still on the desk helped to hide his blush.

"Shut up, Paul." Darkstar mumbled, the desk nearly completely muffling his voice.

"Can't blame you guys for getting sidetracked. Penguins are pretty cool." Blob smiled as he scarfed up a pizza.

"Yeah, they are." Todd nodded in agreement. "You know, it's too bad you Starr boys weren't around when Iceberg had a whole mess of 'em here for a while, yo."

"Oh yeah..." Althea recalled happily. "Those little baby penguins were _sooooo_ cute! We have some pictures of them. Remind me to show them to you two."

"That is a shame. I've never seen a baby penguin up close before." Paul nodded. "I'll have to do that sometime." Hawk walked into the clubhouse.

"Hey there, Misfits." The commander of GI Joe greeted. The kids waved back and greeted Hawk back. "Celebrating?"

Craig grunted and put his head back up. "Yeah, we blew up an oversized Cobra rest stop. Cause for celebration, alright." He cheered sarcastically.

"It certainly was a most...unusual operation." Xi remarked.

"Uh-huh." Paul added with a nod. "We went all the way to Antarctica and we didn't see a single penguin. If this were a field trip, I'd want my permission slip back." Hawk blinked in confusion.

"Penguins. Right." Hawk sighed. _Not surprising, these kids seem to have the attention spans of a gnat unless it's something completely random._

"These idiots are more concerned with stupid penguins than with this 'Viper'!" Craig groaned, putting his head in his hands. "I can't stand it."

"You _really_ should not be surprised at this kind of thing by now, Craig." Wanda snickered.

"Please stop." Craig sighed. Hawk cleared his throat.

"As much as I am really enjoying this whole thing, 'Viper' sent us another message." Hawk gave a note to Xi. The other Misfits gathered around the reptilian experiment as he read the note.

"Hmmm…" Xi blinked in confusion by the note's message. "Left-most corner."

"Maybe it's a code?" Lance suggested.

"Probably..." Althea scratched her chin in thought.

"An anagram of some kind?" Blob wondered out loud.

Althea's brow furrowed as she scratched her head. "Maybe...what could 'left-most corner' be an anagram for?"

"Ooh! Ooh!" Paul raised his hand excitedly. "I know! I know! I love anagrams! An anagram for 'left-most corner' is 'Some felt n-corn'!" The mutant musician frowned. "No, that doesn't work. 'N-corn' is not a word..."

"Yeah, you may love anagrams, but you're no good at them." Craig told his twin.

"It can't be an anagram, then." Wanda shook her head. "As Starchild has just shown, it doesn't make any sense. Maybe the meaning is hidden in the words themselves. Like in their meaning." Pietro immediately snapped his fingers.

"Yeah, maybe!" The silver-haired speedster piped up. "A corner is where two sides meet."

"Alright, speedy. So what sides is he talking about then?" Craig mocked.

"Maybe it's a reference to a shape." Paul stated. Hawk rubbed his chin.

"Maybe it could be a bit of fun with synonyms." The leader of GI Joe suggested. "What other words can be used for a corner, for example."

"So, someone is leading us around by making us play word games." Craig sighed. "Terrific."

"I got a dictionary/thesaurus app in my phone." Todd pulled out his phone, which had a green case with a cartoony picture of a frog on it. He turned it on and put on the thesaurus app.

"You have a thesaurus and dictionary on your phone." Hawk blinked in disbelief.

"Hey, you need it, there's an app for it." Todd grinned. "This thing saved my life when it comes to writing homework."

"Well, at least it's something that can help you be productive." Hawk shrugged.

"Okay, what you guys want me to look up again?"

"The word 'Corner', honey." Althea reminded. Toad quickly typed the word in and pressed search.

"Good thing Frog-boy is playing on his phone." Pietro rolled his eyes. "I shudder at the idea of him licking a finger before leafing through a book. He'd leave slime all over it."

"Shut up, Pietro." Althea ordered.

"Ha ha. Real good, funnyman." Toad drawled in a monotone. "Here it is, yo! A synonym for corner is…point."

"Point." Xi thought. "Interesting."

"Okay…Now left-most." Lance ordered the amphibious boy.

"West." Hawk realized with a smirk. "It's a direction. Left-most corner means West Point. It's the nation's top military school. There are a group of generals there to see the graduation ceremony."

"You think that's where the Viper would strike next?" Wanda asked.

"Do moths like flames, Wanda?" Craig quipped..

"Or Lewis and Clark explored the Louisiana Territory?" Paul laughed. "Don't forget, General. We have to get back early. Craig has to get ready for his date tonight."

"Shut up, Paul..." Craig groaned, a bright red blush coloring his face. Wanda snickered slightly at the sight of it.

 **West Point Academy**

At the legendary military academy known as West Point, a group of generals and other VIP's were watching the cadets march in unison to a grand brass beat. Unbeknownst to them, a batch of Cobra troops, led by the mercenary Major Sebastian Bludd, was waiting in the bushes beyond the grounds to attack. Bludd watched the march through a pair of binoculars.

"Heh. The perfect ambush. Those idiot Joes have no clue that we're here. And if they have no clue, then neither do those stupid mutie pets of theirs." Bludd smirked. "This is gonna be fun." _Hopefully, I can get a rematch with the frog boy._ The mercenary's face twisted into a sneer. _Little bastard blasted my face with acid, and I had to go through a lot to get it repaired. Got a special bullet for the little monster..._

Unfortunately for Bludd, and fortunately for the unsuspecting generals, the mutant heroes known as the Misfits, as well as Roadblock, Barbecue, Cover Girl and Spirit, were observing the Cobra forces.

"Right on target." Xi frowned, putting down his binoculars.

"The great hero known as The Awesome Quicksilver, accompanied by his faithful sidekicks, the marvelous Misfits, are here to protect the innocent generals from the evil scourge of Cobra." Pietro said in an old time radio announcer-style voice, putting his hand on his chest for dramatic effect.

"Why do you get to be the great hero?" Todd grumbled, narrowing his eyes at Pietro. "Why can't I be the great hero?"

"You can't be the great hero, Todd." Pietro explained. "You're the clumsy comedy relief. That's your thing. You're good at it."

"I'm a ninja-in-training, yo!" Todd snapped.

"Only because the Joes didn't know what else to do with you."

"You're just mad that I have taken better to it than you!" Todd argued. "Not my fault you can't aim a damn shuriken!" He then eyed a black briefcase next to Pietro. "What you got in there, man?"

"A little surprise for the snakes." Pietro smirked.

"Knock it off." Cover Girl sighed. "So, this Viper was right on. Who knew Cobra would attack West Point?"

"Not really surprising when you think about it." Althea shrugged. "There's some important people there. Would make a major psychological blow if anything happened to them."

"It would help ferment an environment of fear and irrationality if such an event were to go down." Blob concurred with a nod. Pietro sighed.

"Must he psychoanalyze everything?"

"Leave him alone, Pietro." Lance told the speedster. "Fred likes it, and it's not hurting anybody."

"Can we just beat 'em up now?" Craig asked, yawning in boredom.

"Not yet. It's Cobra's move. Let them make it." Spirit replied.

"Let them make their move? But we aren't playing chess with these guys." Paul joked. Barbecue chuckled in amusement.

"Kiddo, I would not give up the day job."

"That's okay." Paul shrugged with a smile. "I always considered myself a better musician than a comedian." Still smiling, Paul cocked his head at the Joe fireman's helmet. "You know, that helmet makes you look like some kind of metal bird monster."

"And your outfit makes you look like a glam rocker." Barbecue shot back good-naturedly. Paul looked down at his outfit.

It was a purple bodysuit with white boots. A black stripe ran down the center of it, and a silver 5-pointed star was on the chest. His outfit had a purple leather jacket with black sleeves. The sleeves had fringe on them, and they were peppered with purple and silver stars. A silver 5-pointed star was on the back. His brother Craig had a matching outfit, but the black and purple were reversed, and the sleeves of his jacket had no fringe and no stars.

"You say that like it was a bad thing." The young mutant grinned widely. Barbecue smiled.

"You got a point, kiddo."

"Hey Barbecue, you ever considered becoming one of our handlers?" Paul wondered. "I mean, we _do_ see you around quite a bit thanks to all the fires we deal with."

"Kiddo, I don't think I could be a handler. Besides, as you said, I already see plenty of you kids when at least one of you causes a fire."

"That last one was _not_ my fault, yo!" Todd exclaimed. "Somebody didn't put a lid on that damn gas can!"

"This is why I'm the great hero and you're the bumbling comedy relief." Pietro mocked.

"You ain't innocent either, yo! What about that time you tried to make a special effect for a play and it blew up?!"

"Knock it off!" Althea ordered sharply. Paul winced, then glanced at Barbecue.

"...I see your point." Paul admitted to the Joe fireman.

"I just pray you guys never get a pyrokinetic." Barbecue sighed.

 _Funny, I knew a pyrokinetic once..._ Paul recalled. Meanwhile, Wanda was observing the Cobra troops.

"How many?" Spirit asked the teenage hexcaster.

"Not a massive force." Wanda answered. "Check it out." She handed the binoculars to Spirit. The Native American Joe observed the Cobra forces preparing to move.

"Indeed." Spirit remarked. "They don't have many tanks and troops."

"Makes sense." Althea nodded. "They probably had a heck of a time getting that stuff here."

"They're getting ready to move." Spirit noticed.

"Let's go!" Roadblock ordered. The mutants and Barbecue jumped into a tank that Cover Girl was driving. Roadblock and Spirit jumped into ATVs. An oblivious Bludd watched over the ceremony.

"Alright...the keynote speaker is about to run his mouth..." The mercenary remarked, watching a gray-haired man in a military uniform walk up to a podium and start speaking. "Okay! Let's do it! Attack!" Bludd cried out. Back at the ceremony, the keynote speaker was addressing the seated cadets, a smile on his face.

"As you young men and women know, you are entering into a new world, a world that some will say has become a-!"

 _ **BOOM!**_

"What the-?!" The speaker gasped in shock.

"COOOOOBRAAAA!" Cobra's troopers cried out as they ran towards the field, firing their weapons. They were backed up by a group of HISS tanks. The attack caused chaos as the cadets and guests fled for their lives.

"That's right, run ya cowards!" Bludd cackled. "Cobra can strike anywhere at any time!"

 _ **BOOM!**_

One HISS tank exploded.

"The hell?!" Bludd exclaimed.

"YO JOE!" Roadblock cried out as the Joes leapt into action.

"Watch yourselves when it comes to Bludd!" Cover Girl warned the Misfits as they disembarked.

"We will, Cover Girl." Althea nodded. "Pietro, try and disarm those troops! You got the speed!"

"And the style!" Pietro smiled as he opened the black briefcase and pulled out...a paintball gun.

"What's with the paintball gun, man?!" Todd exclaimed.

"Giving a bit of panache, froggy." Pietro grinned widely. "Watch this!" Pietro zipped into the battlefield.

"Try not to get shot, you hyperactive hummingbird!" Althea called out.

"Ah, I got this!" Pietro whooped happily, waving his paintball gun. "Whoo-hoo!" Pietro zipped around the battlefield, taking the troopers' weapons and shooting them with his paintball gun.

"Those bloody Joes and their pet mutants!" Bludd growled in frustration. "Concentrate on them, men!" A familiar mutant hopped up next to him. " _YOU!_ "

"Hey, Major Bludd! How ya been?!" Todd waved with a wide, cocky grin. "Glad to see they managed to fix up your face." Bludd growled with rage.

"Oh, I've been _itching_ to get some payback for what you did to me!" Bludd roared, a blade popping out of his cybernetic arm. Todd blinked at that.

"Hey, you got a new gadget. Awesome!" Todd grinned. "And to be fair about that whole acid in your face thing, I had no idea I _could_ spit acid until you tried to kill me in the jungle." **(1)** Bludd gritted his teeth.

"I am going to carve your face into hamburger, you little bastard!" Bludd roared as he leapt at Todd, slashing at the young mutant with his arm's blade.

"Whoa, man!" Todd yelped as he flipped out of the way. "Dude, you need to calm down and switch to decaf, yo!"

"HOLD STILL, YOU BRAT!" An enraged Bludd roared as he kept trying to slash at Todd. However, the amphibious mutant's agility, reflexes, and his training was making it very hard for Bludd's arm blade to make contact with Todd's flesh. "What's the matter, boy?! Don't like it when you're on the receiving end, huh?!"

"You're acting like I _intended_ to give your face an acid bath, man!"

"YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I WENT THROUGH TO FIX THAT?!"

"...Would it help if I said was sorry?" Todd grinned innocently. Meanwhile, one Cobra Viper had spotted a cadet, a girl with short brown hair, trying to help up a general. The Viper smirked under his mask and held up his rifle, aiming his gun at the two.

"Got you..." The viper peered down his scope, but the two would have a pair of guardian angels.

 _ **FZAP! FZAP!**_

"Agh!" The viper screamed as a pair of purple laser beams lanced through the air, one hitting his gun, the other hitting his hand. He turned his head and saw a nightstick hit him in the face, knocking him cold. Paul and Craig Starr stood over the fallen soldier.

"Well, that was awful rude of him, waving his gun around like that." Paul remarked, looking at Craig. Craig nodded in answer.

"Yeah."

"Thanks!" The cadet waved. "Who are you boys?"

"Oh, allow me to introduce ourselves." Paul bowed to the cadet and the general dramatically. "I'm the Starchild! Sensational Superstar Extraordinaire!" He grinned and gestured to his brother. "And this right here is my twin brother, the Darkstar! Street thug turned superhero! We are the Spectacular Starr Twins!" Craig rolled his eyes and lightly smacked his twin in the shoulder. "Hey!"

"You are hopeless sometimes." Craig shook his head. A blur zipped by the boys and over the Viper, taking his gun. The blur then stopped at the cadet.

"Well, hello." Pietro greeted smoothly at the brunette cadet. "Who might you be?"

"Paula Baines." The girl replied. Pietro smirked and took her hand gently.

"Pietro Maximoff. Call me Quicksilver." Pietro kissed her hand.

"A smoothie, aren't you?" Paula remarked.

"You could say that."

"Oh for God's sake." Craig groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Maximoff, you girl-crazy idiot!"

"And you make fun of me for _my_ popularity with girls." Paul whispered.

"At least _you_ know when to pack it in." Craig retorted.

"Quicksilver, quit playing Casanova and give me a hand here!" Cover Girl ordered. She had been in a firefight with some Cobra troopers.

"You got it, CG! Gotta run, babe." Pietro winked at the cadet, speeding to Cover Girl. Paula giggled. He zipped up to Cover Girl.

"For God's sake, Quicksilver. Can't you give it a break?" Cover Girl sighed.

"Hey, I can't help it if I got a face and body that makes girls swoon."

The ex-model groaned. "Just go and disarm the troopers. Be careful, and try not to get shot."

"No problem, Cover Girl!" Pietro saluted jauntily. He then zipped up to the troopers.

"It's one of the Joes' pet freaks!" A Cobra trooper shouted.

"Shoot him! Shoot him quickly!" Another trooper yelled.

"Nope!" Pietro laughed as he zipped by them, taking their guns nad blasting them with his own paintball gun. "Think of the paint as a bit of payback for interrupting my favorite hobby: sweeping pretty girls off their feet!"

"I always thought looking in the mirror was your favorite hobby." Cover Girl snickered to herself, A Cobra trooper tried to ambush the tank driver, but she dealt with him with a judo throw. She saw a pair of West Point cadets try to fight off a couple of Cobra troopers, but they were becoming outnumbered. "Hang on, guys! Pietro!" The model and the speedster raced over and evened the odds out.

"Thanks!" One of the cadets said gratefully as Cover Girl helped him up.

"No problem." Cover Girl smiled. The other cadet quickly ran behind Pietro and punched out another trooper. "Looks like we're even, then."

"Guess so." The cadet nodded. "Hey listen, everybody here loves talking about you guys, and quite a few of us hope to become Joes one day."

"Being a Joe is going to require a lot of hard work and grit." Cover Girl explained. "We only accept the best."

"Oh yeah." The cadet nodded with a smile. "Hey, uh..." He shyly pulled out his phone and blushed. "Can I take a selfie with you?" Cover Girl smiled.

"After this, okay?"

"Okay." The cadet nodded, putting his phone back in his pocket.

"Go gather your fellow cadets and see if they are alright." The ex-model ordered. The cadet and his friend snapped to attention.

"Yes, ma'am!" He answered with a salute, and the two went off to check on their comrades. Pietro frowned.

"I don't get it. Why do they want to take selfies with _you_ and not me?" The speedster pouted. "My face is perfect for selfies!"

"Judging by the way that boy was looking at me, I think it was hormones that made him want to take a picture with me." Cover Girl chuckled. "And besides, I once did get photographed for a job..."

"You know, I'd be a damn good model." Pietro struck a pose. "Girls drooling over my picture? Sounds wonderful."

"Pietro, why not go show those cadets where you put those guns you took from the Cobra troopers?"

"Why do you...oh...right." Pietro nodded. "Gotcha." He zipped off after the cadets. Cover Girl activated her Joe-Com.

"Guys, I got Pietro working on a little project..." Meanwhile, the Misfits and the Joes managed to demolish most of the Cobra tanks.

"Surrender, Cobra!" Althea called out to Bludd and the remaining troopers over a megaphone. "You're done!"

"We'd stick forks in you to show that, but we don't have any, yo." Todd added with a laugh.

"I have these." Xi offered, pulling a pair of small _kunai_ daggers out of his belt. "They are not forks, but we can stick them in those snakes."

"Never!" Bludd yelled. "There's about 5 of us to every one of you!" Althea smirked.

"There were." Althea retorted. "You see, Major, while you were getting your ass handed to you by my little froggy here, we've been beating up your men. And we got ourselves a little help anyway..." The dark-haired mutant girl waved to emphasize her point. The sound of rifles cocking could be heard as the cadets pointed their rifles at the Cobra troopers and Major Bludd. Cover Girl and Pietro ran up to their fellow heroes.

"Hey Bludd!" Pietro taunted. "Those cadets there? They aren't exactly very happy with you guys wrecking their little ceremony. So, we thought we'd let them help us restrain you guys...with your own guns, of course."

"Hey, glad you guys finally made it to the party." Paul waved happily.

"Sorry we're late. Traffic was murder." Pietro quipped.

"Thanks, Althea." Cover Girl patted her shoulder. "We'll take over from here."

Althea bowed dramatically. "Be my guest."

"Okay, Cobra! You have five seconds to surrender!" Cover Girl counted down. "One…" The Cobra troopers kept their weapons ready. "Two…" No change. "Three…" The Cobra troopers started to look around at each other. "Four…" They got more nervous. "Five!"

"We surrender!" The Cobras threw their weapons down and raised their hands up. The generals and guests cheered. Pietro blew a kiss to the general's daughter he met earlier. Craig rolled his eyes.

"Oh brother." Craig sighed. He then realized something. "Right."

 _ **FZAP!**_

The young mutant fired his eye laser at Bludd's arm.

"AGH!" The mercenary screamed as the laser made his arm explode in a blast of sparks.

"There you go. He should be easier to restrain with his arm disabled." Craig told the security as they restrained him. He then looked at Pietro, who was chatting up a female cadet. "Pietro is an idiot."

"Let him be, bro." Paul told his brother. He looked over at Todd, who was smirking at Bludd. The mercenary was glaring right back at him. "What's up, frog man?"

"Just enjoying seeing ol' Bludd get what's coming to him, yo." Todd snickered. "Careful of his face! He's rather sensitive about that!"

"SCREW YOU, FROG BOY! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!" Major Bludd yelled as he got dragged away.

"Yeah, yeah, sure." Todd waved. "Bye, Felicia!"

 **The Pit**

"Ahhhh, It's great to be back home." Lance smiled in relief as the Misfits walked back into the Misfit Clubhouse.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages…and Craig..." Paul boomed in an old-time radio announcer-type voice.

"Ha ha, Paul. You are hilarious, brother." Craig rolled his eyes.

"The Misfits are back in town, baby!" Paul continued, ignoring his brother.

"I think this guy needs to cut down on the caffeine." Pietro joked.

"I like him. He's sunny." Fred smiled.

"You would, Fred."

"He also doesn't make jokes about my weight." Fred gave Pietro the side-eye.

"Home sweet home." Wanda smiled as she leaned back on her couch. "By the way, what time is it?" Althea checked her watch.

"1 PM."

"Ah! Seven hours until my first date!" The witch smirked at Darkstar, who was walking towards one of the arcade machines "Be ready, Craig. I know I will." Craig started muttering.

"Razzum frazzum stupid pool game…" A blushing Craig grumbled as he put on the Namco machine and started playing Bosconian. Paul laughed as he threw his arm around his brother's shoulders while he played the game.

"My lucky brother is going on his first date! And it's with a certain sorceress in red, baby! Whoo!" Starchild laughed. Craig lightly pushed Paul's arm off his shoulders and lightly swatted his shoulders.

"I hate you sometimes. I really do." Craig grumbled. Paul grinned.

"Sure you do, bro."

"You excited, Wanda?" Althea grinned at Wanda.

"...Can I talk to you in private?" The hexcaster asked the hydrokinetic, a bit of nervousness in her voice. Althea nodded in understanding.

"Sure." Althea nodded. The two girls walked outside. "What's up, Wanda? You nervous about the date? I can't imagine you not being."

"I admit, I am a bit." Wanda confessed. "This will be the first time I was ever on a date."

"Ah, I see." Althea nodded. "Hey, I've been there. Todd is my first boyfriend, believe it or not."

"Really?"

"Yup." Althea confirmed.

"...Al, you've done this thing longer than me. What do I do?"

"You two really like each other. I can see it." Althea told Wanda. "Look, there's no need to rush anything. Just get something to eat and talk to each other."

Wanda nodded. "Okay, I'll give that a try."

"Just take it slow, Wanda." Althea explained. Meanwhile, Craig had been continuing to play _Bosconian._ Lance walked up to the ex-gang member.

"Hey, Craig." The geokinetic smiled, leaning against the arcade cabinet.

"What do you want, Avalanche?"

"I wanted to talk to you about your date with Wanda."

"It's not a big deal." Craig grumbled, a slight blush on his cheeks.

"By the way your cheeks are reddening, I think you think it is."

"Don't push it."

Lance held up his arms in a peaceful gesture. "I just want to help, man."

"Really?" Craig rolled his eyes. "I doubt you could. I know all about that demilitarized zone that is called your relationship with that Pryde girl."

"I'm just saying, I can give you some advice." Lance offered. Craig sighed and turned off his game.

"Thanks, but I'll go talk to Frog Boy."

"Talk to me about what, yo?" Todd asked as he hopped up to the two young mutants.

"Oh, God..." Craig groaned.

"Craig may need some help about his date." Lance explained.

"Oh, God..." Craig put his head in his hands.

"Well, when I first met Al, I was playing with Little C. She thought she was being mean to him." Todd explained. **(2)** "We started dating after we went for a swim."

"So you are saying you're not going to be any help." Craig realized.

"Well, the best I can say is it happens for different people." Todd suggested, rubbing the back of his head. Craig sighed.

"Can't believe I have to do this." Craig grumbled as he left.

"Where you goin', yo?"

"To talk to the Joes!" Craig slammed the door. Lance and Todd looked at each other.

"He must be desperate." Lance realized.

"Yup." Todd nodded.

 **Location Unknown, some time later**

" _And in other news, the Joes, aided by the Misfits, helped prevent a terrorist attack by Cobra at the prestigious West Point military academy..._ " The newscaster reported. Viper and Sidewinder watched this intently on television.

"Huh." Viper remarked. "That's something."

"These guys are crazy." Sidewinder shook his head. "Why did we agree to this job for them? They have their own mercs at their own beck-and-call."

"We'll get a ton of money for it." Viper reminded. "And Cobra said they didn't trust their mercs."

Sidewinder rolled his eyes. "Considering their mercs are a bunch of drunken dopey bikers who have their own group of mutants that are clearly the brains of their operation..."

"Yeah, yeah..."

"Might I remind you that this guy accused you of telling the Joes about their fancy base in Antartica? Come to think of it, how the hell did they manage to build a base down there without anyone noticing? It's not like the place is desolate or anything. Aren't there scientific outposts all over the place?"

"How should I know? And I cleared it up with him, Sidewinder." Viper explained. "How could we tell the Joes about a base we didn't even know about?"

"That's the thing, who did?"

Viper rubbed his chin in thought. "You don't suppose it was one of us, do you?"

"...I hope not." Sidewinder blinked.

"...do some checking." Viper ordered. Sidewinder walked off. _Sidewinder may have a point. Maybe doing this job for Cobra wasn't the best of ideas..._

 _ **Man, now that was a slobberknocker! What'll happen next to everyone's favorite insane, yet lovable gang of reformed merry mutant heroes? Will thye find the Viper or Serpent Solutions, or will they succeed in their job for Cobra? Find out in Part 4 of The Misfits vs. The Viper!**_

 **(1) – In "Ronin Toad"**

 **(2) - Again, in "Ronin Toad"**


	4. Building More Trouble!

**The Misfits vs. The Viper, Special Edition!**

Disclaimer: Red Witch owns Althea and Xi, the Starrs are mine. GI Joe and the remaining Misfits are owned by Hasbro and Marvel.

Chapter 4: Building More Trouble!

 **The Pit**

In the Clubhouse, the Misfits were doing various activities to take their mind off the whole Viper issue. Lance and Craig were playing the _Street Fighter II_ arcade cabinet.

"Hell yeah!" Lance whooped, pumping his fist. "You can't touch me!"

"I'd like to see you play as someone other than Guile." Craig remarked.

"Guile's not exactly easy to master." Lance explained.

"I'd like to see you master Dhalsim." Craig taunted. "As you can see..." The young mutant smirked as he jiggled the joystick and pressed a couple buttons. "He's awesome."

" _KO! You win!_ " The machine announced as Craig's Dhalsim brought down Lance's Guile with a blast of Yoga Fire. Althea and Wanda were conversing. Fred and Todd were the only missing Misfits. Fred was out getting a snack, and Todd was practicing in the dojo. Paul and Xi were engaged in an activity that people would be surprised to see the young wannabe glam rocker in.

He was playing chess with the Cobra-created artificial lifeform. The young dark-haired mutant glanced quickly over his pieces, his face scrunching in thought. He then had a bit of a revelation, his face lighting up.

"Ahh, yes..." Paul looked at the chess game with glee. His voice took on a deep bass as he moved a knight. "I have you now, Xi. The Force is strong with you, but you cannot withstand the power of the Star Side." Xi chuckled at Paul's impersonation of Darth Vader.

"You are quite fond of hanging around Quick-Kick, aren't you?" The artificial lifeform remarked as he examined the chess pieces. He then moved one of his bishops. "Check."

"Yeah, he's really cool." Paul answered. "He has this _amazing_ movie collection! VHS, DVD, Blu-Ray, he even has Laserdiscs and Betamax!"

"I knew he was fond of films, but I had no idea that he had _that_ many movies." Xi blinked in amazement.

"Yup!" Paul nodded. "In fact, I suggested he and I do a show on the web where we talk about movies."

"You should. I would gladly watch it." Xi smiled.

"We want to, but we have one shortcoming: A hook." Paul explained. "You see, every web show has a hook. Some reviewers specialize in certain genres, for example."

"I see." Xi suggested. "Perhaps you two can be the hook."

Paul blinked. "Us?"

"Yes." Xi nodded. "A member of the GI Joe team and a Misfit talking about a movie? We are rather well-known, people would watch it."

"True..." Paul looked down at his board. "You have me in check, right?" Xi nodded. "Well, not anymore, my friend." Paul moved a rook with a smirk. He crossed his arms and impersonated Wayne Campbell. "Your king will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine." He then switched to Ace Ventura: "You're gonna be a loser. A loo-hoo-hoo-serrrr." Xi smiled.

"I don't think so." Xi replied matter-of-factly as he moved a knight. "Checkmate. I win again, Starchild."

Paul's jaw dropped when Xi said that. "Say _whaaaaaaat?!_ _"_ The young mutant leaped up from his seat and ran around the board, looking at the pieces in a hyperactive, yet confused manner. "Okay, now how'd that happen?" Paul frowned in confusion, scratching his head.

"Perhaps you should work on your strategies instead of your impersonations, Paul." Xi laughed. Paul smiled and shook his head.

"Are you...are you making a joke?" Paul grinned. "I guess it had to happen one day."

"I am guessing my friends' are starting to influence me." Xi thought out loud. "Was it wrong to do so?"

"Naw, it's cool." Paul shrugged. "But I'll beat you, Xi." Paul pointed at the board as he imitated Jackie Gleason. "One of these days, Xi. One of these days…POW! You're checkmated."

Xi smirked. "You've said that, and in 78 games of chess, I have outdone you." The reptilian humanoid then blinked as he noticed Wanda and Althea about to leave the clubhouse. "Ladies."

"Hey girls." Paul waved.

"Xi whip you again?" Wanda guessed, glancing at the chessboard.

"78 games, and I still haven't checkmated Snake-dude over here." Paul pointed at Xi. "Not yet, anyway. Where are you two going?"

"We're gonna go shopping." A smiling Althea explained.. "Gotta get Wanda something nice for her date. We're also going to get Craig a suit to wear for it." Paul sighed.

"Craig isn't gonna like that." Paul rolled his eyes. "He doesn't wanna go on this date."

"He's right." An overhearing Craig confirmed. "I am not going shopping, and I am not getting a suit."

Althea glanced at the ex-gang member. "Yes, you are. You need to get something nice for this date."

"I am _not_ wearing a suit." Craig growled.

"He doesn't like to get dressed up." Paul explained. Lance snickered.

"Okay, I want to see this man in a suit." Lance received a glare from Craig in response.

"You may as well plan to see a pig fly."

"On this base, that may actually happen sooner than you think, buddy." Lance retorted.

"You know, Wanda thinks you are kind of cute when you get all moody like that." Althea teased. Wanda's eyes widened and cheeks reddened. Craig's face reacted the same way.

"Dammit, Al!" Wanda yelped, punching a laughing Althea's shoulder. The aquakinetic was too engrossed in her laughter to notice. A blushing Darkstar pulled up the collar of his jacket and muttered.

"Poor, poor Darkstar." Althea chucklied, wiping a tear from her eye. She then noticed someone was missing. "Where's Blob and Quicksilver?" Paul, Xi, and Lance shrugged.

"I don't know, and I don't care." Craig grumbled.

"Knowing Fred, he probably went to get some food." Lance explained. "And for Pietro, I overheard him saying something about doing some sketches. He wanted to do some new uniform designs."

"For all of us, or just himself?" Xi inquired curiously.

"Knowing Speedy, just for himself."

Xi nodded in understanding. "Ah."

"What is it with Pietro and uniforms?" Althea blinked.

"It's how he likes to express himself artistically." Paul answered. "At least, that's what Fred says."

"What a shock." Althea rolled her eyes.

"At least he's not expressing his desire to create by destroying things." Paul suggested, trying to be optimistic.

"He's been obsessed with redesigning his uniform for some time." Wanda remembered. "He was never happy with it." Hawk entered the clubhouse with Fred and Todd behind him. The leader of a GI Joe turned his head back and forth, glancing around the building.

"Huh. I can't believe this place is still standing." Hawk smiled in approval. He turned to Fred. "You kids must really like this place."

"Yeah." Fred smiled. "We love it."

"It's a really cool place, yo." Todd agreed with a nod.

"Hey, General!" The Misfits all greeted.

"So, what are you kids discussing this time? The chances of creating world peace with cheese?" Hawk rolled his eyes. _Only since the Misfits came into our lives can I say that._

"That was last week." Lance told the general. "We figured cheddar could do the job best."

"...what the hell is _wrong_ with you people?" Craig muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"It's a regular thing with this bunch, kid." Hawk explained.

 _Reminds me of an old friend of mine..._ Paul remarked telepathically.

 _I know **exactly** who you're talking about. _ Craig answered. _God help us if **he** ever meets them._

"It's nothing strange, Craig." Fred shrugged. "I like to think that our more...outrageous actions are our way of trying to deal with, accept, and move on from the psychological damage done to us by our pasts."

"...And I take it you deal with yours by psychoanalyzing everyone else?" Craig grunted. Fred shrugged with a smile.

"It's something I enjoy doing. Psyche-Out helped a lot with my own issues, and I really enjoyed talking with him about his job."

"So, it's that sappy crap about you unintentionally finding your calling?"

"Yeah, but I wouldn't say it was sappy." Fred answered.

"Anyway, I got something more interesting for you to talk about." Hawk handed a note to Xi. The other Misfits gathered around the snake-like creature as he read the note out loud.

"Hmmm…Left-most window, highest floor, highest building." The snake-like mutant read. "Strange."

"What does that mean?" Lance blinked. "That's pretty vague."

"I agree." Althea nodded. "What building is he talking about?"

"Well, one of the tallest buildings in the world is…uh…What's it called again? Extended Enterprises?" Paul blinked.

"Extensive Enterprises, Paul." Blob corrected. "Tomax and Xamot own that building."

"Which means Cobra owns it, yo." Todd added with a sigh. Craig growled.

"Those two Cobra clowns..." The ex-gang member clenched his fist, his star-covered eye glowing a hot angry purple. "They helped with that lab that Paul and I were trapped in."

"That reminds me, I wonder how Eddie and Diana are doing?" Paul remembered. "We haven't spoken to them in a while."

"Last I heard, didn't they form some group to help protect LA?" Althea remembered. Paul nodded.

"Yup! They've been doing really good, too. They've also been working to promote human-mutant peace in LA."

"They walk the walk while the X-Men talk the talk. Yeah, they said something like that." Althea recalled.

"Let's focus here!" Craig growled, his eye flashing. "Tomax and Xamot were involved with that lab. They probably funded it. I don't know about any of you, but I sure as hell want another shot at those two pricks."

Paul chuckled, sitting on the pool table. "I do wish Di and Ed were here. I'm sure they'd love give those clowns a beatdown of their own. And they also are mad that we're an infinitely cooler set of twins than they will ever be."

"What helps is that one of you can speak a whole sentence by yourself." Scarlet Witch quipped. Craig nodded his head in agreement.

"You know, I am curious." Paul admitted. "Where did that weird vocal tic they have come from? Was it something they were born with or what?"

"Maybe it's something similar to your telepathic link." Wanda suggested.

"Possibly." Paul rubbed his chin in thought.

"Paul, get off the pool table, that's not for sitting on." Hawk told the young formerly-homeless mutant. Starchild, with a "Sorry!", got off the pool table and jumped on the couch. "Well, if this involves Extensive…"

"We gotta check it out." Lance deduced. He then shrugged. "Sounds like a ton of laughs. Facing Cobra on their own turf."

"I agree." Althea nodded. "We'd better be extra careful."

"Try not to make the building tumble down, Lance." Craig cracked with a smirk.

"Bite me, Darkstar." Lance mocked back with a smirk.

"Be nice." Paul chided playfully, nudging his brother with his elbow.

"Suit up and move out, kids." Hawk ordered.

"You heard the man, boys and girls!" Althea commanded, jerking her thumb at the door. "Move out!" Althea and the other Misfits got up and left the building. "And we can't forget Pietro! Again! You all know how he gets!" A short time later, the group, in full gear, had arrived at the Extensive Enterprises building.

Paul nudged Fred with his elbow. "Hey, tell me something."

"Yeah?" A puzzled Freddy asked. Paul grinned widely.

"What does Extensive Enterprises have to do with cheese?" Paul scratched his head. Craig groaned and facepalmed.

"You are kidding me!" He exclaimed. "Paul, why are you bringing _that_ conversation up?!"

"It's funny." Paul answered simply. Craig groaned and Pietro burst out laughing.

"Craig, you are _not_ going to last very long on this team, buddy." The laughing speedster threw an arm over Pietro's shoulders. "You're going to have to learn to _embrace_ the madness at some point."

"Don't touch me." Craig grumbled, pushing the arm off.

"Hey, I hear you." Lance nodded at Craig. "This group can be crazy, but you will get used to it."

"Somehow, I doubt that."

Lance smiled and patted Craig's shoulder. "I thought the same thing too, buddy." Craig sighed and rubbed his temple.

"Hey babe." A bored Todd glanced at Althea, twirling his staff. "What do you say we go inside and pay the Crimson Guard twins a visit?"

"Sure, why not?" Althea grinned at her amphibious boyfriend. "I do believe we have an appointment with them." The group started to go inside the building.

"Save them for me and Paul." Craig told Althea, gripping his nightstick. "We have a score to settle with those bastards."

 **Tomax and Xamot's offices, Extensive Enterprises building, New York**

On a normal day, Tomax and Xamot's offices were rather pristine. The office's style, furniture, and various knickknacks showed the wealth the two twin financiers had accumulated for themselves, not to mention Cobra. However, on this day, none of that pristineness was there. The offices looked like a massive fight had broken out in the middle of them. Which pretty much was what happened. Shelves full of books had been knocked over, spilling the books and various awards and items on them all over the place. Potted pants had been knocked over. There were even some holes in the walls, like someone had punched holes...or smashed some heads into them.

"Uhn!" The Crimson Guard Twins groaned as they got smashed through a desk. The twins themselves were not in much better condition than their office. Their semi-long black hair, normally combed into a neat style here, was messed up. Their expensive suits, which naturally matched in every detail, down to their tie pins and golden chains around their necks, were torn up and tattered. It was at that moment that they regretted making their offices soundproof. Angrily standing over the two of them was Destro.

"I want answers, you two." The Scottish weapons dealer growled angrily. "I want to know who told GI Joe about our base in Antarctica. And I also want to know why."

Tomax wheezed. "What makes you think..."

"We know?" Xamot winced. "All we know is that Cobra Commander hired..."

"...some costumed people for a job." Tomax continued. "We were unaware of the attack on the base..."

"Or that fight at West Point! We learned of that..."

"On TV!" Tomax exclaimed. Destro glared at the two of them.

"And how do I know you aren't lying?"

"What would we have..." Xamot started.

"To gain from tipping off the Joes about that base?" A grunting Tomax finished.

"True..." Destro thought about it. _No luck so far. Cobra Commander will not be pleased..._ The Crimson Guard twins weakly got to their feet.

"We will be sending you..." Tomax started.

"The bill for repairs to these offices." Xamot glared at Destro.

"Fair enough." Destro nodded in understanding. They heard a beeping. Tomax pressed a button next to a speaker on a wall.

"Yes, Miss Grace?"

"Sirs, there are a group of teenagers in crazy costumes entering the building." A female voice explained. The Crimson Guard twins and Destro looked at each other.

"The Misfits." Destro muttered. The twins nodded.

"Tell security..."

"To remove them, Miss Grace."

 **Extensive Enterprises Main Lobby**

The Misfits walked up to the main lobby, but found themselves meeting a group of security guards.

 _We shouldn't have come in costume._ Althea thought. Xi quietly slinked to the back of the group, not keeping his eyes off the guards. He then made himself invisible.

"Oh look, rent-a-cops." Craig grinned evilly. "I love knocking rent-a-cops around."

"You think they're here to give us a tour of the place?" Paul joked.

Pietro rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, I'm _so_ sure they're here to show us around, Paul." One of the security guards marched up to the Misfits.

"Sorry, kids." The guard told the group. "Company Tours are on Tuesday." The guard chuckled at his own joke, making the Misfits roll their eyes.

"We've come to speak with your bosses." Wanda told the guard simply. The guard laughed and tussled her hair. "Don't touch me."

"That's cute, kid."

"Your bosses have been up to some very bad things." Althea explained. "We're here to find out what kind of bad things they're doing and put a stop to them."

"Young lady, the bosses are legit businessmen, and you are on their property without their permission."

"Oh, really?" Todd blinked in faux confusion. "You must not have gotten our permission slips. You see, we're on field trip. For school." The amphibious mutant grinned a wide innocent grin. The guard eyed them suspiciously.

"In those outfits?"

"What? Ain't you ever seen a school uniform before?" Lance quipped.

"Okay, smart mouth, where is your teacher?" The guard asked.

Lance smirked. "Getting drunk." The other Misfits snickered at the geokinetic's quip. Craig growled in frustration, clenching his fists.

"Oh, enough of this!" Craig shoved his way past Lance and got in the face of the lead guard. "You _will_ let us see you bosses, or we will go through you!"

"Darkstar, stop!" Althea yelled.

"Kid, we _will_ throw you out!" The lead guard snapped, getting ready to grab his taser.

"Throw _this_ out!" Craig's right eye flashed, hypnotizing the hapless guard. His eyes glowed a bright purple.

"Kid's a freak!" Another guard snapped.

"Dammit, Darkstar!" Althea yelled.

"Fightin' time!" Todd whipped out his staff.

"Everyone take it easy! These guards are just doing their jobs!" Althea ordered.

"That won't be much of a problem for us, yo!" Todd chuckled. He spat some slime at a couple guards' feet, sticking them to the ground. They screamed and retched in disgust, but only briefly as Todd punched them out.

"The frog isn't kidding!" Wanda hexed a carpet, causing a couple of guards to get tangled up in it.

"Let's just hope they feel the same way about us YIPE!" Pietro wailed as he dodged a guard's baton.

"Come on!" Craig yelled as he punched a guard. "I'll kick your asses, and then I'll make your bosses pay for what they did to me and my friends!"

"Still angry about the lab, huh?" Fred asked Paul as he knocked over a guard by lightly backhanding him. Paul shrugged.

"Can't blame him. I have to admit, I am a bit peeved about it myself." Paul admitted in answer, deftly dodging a guard's kick. "These guards are pretty well-trained."

"Yeah, what gives?" Lance asked as he blocked a clothesline from a guard and used the arm to flip the guard over in a judo throw.

"No surprise, really." Althea realized as she roundhouse kicked another guard. "Tomax and Xamot could hire the best for this job."

"Forget the fists and kicks, guys!" The lead guard yelled at his men, pulling out a gun from his belt. The gun was a dark blue and purple futuristic-looking piece. "Use the guns! Give these kids a nap!"

 _ **Thwack!**_

The guard screamed as something hit his hand, making him drop his gun. Xi appeared next to the man, a frown on his face.

"You will not shoot my friends." He downed the guard with a roundhouse kick. The Misfits were able to down the rest of the guards.

"Xi, the hell have you been, yo?!" Todd explained. The lizard-like mutant smiled apologetically.

"Forgive me, my friend. I was hoping to infiltrate the building, but you all were in trouble."

"Next time you plan to sneak off, _signal_ us!" Althea snapped.

"Apologies." Xi said. Craig noticed one guard get to his feet. The young mutant grabbed the guard and forced the man to face him.

"Look into my eyes." Craig growled. The eye covered by Craig's star-shaped birthmark flashed with purple light, and the guard fell under the mutant known as Darkstar's hypnotic power. "You will let us see your bosses. Tell us where they are." He commanded.

The guard gave the directions in the typical monotone of someone under the Starr Brothers' hypnotic spell. "Just take the elevator to the top floor. Go down the hall to a pair of gold ornate doors." One of the guards managed to untangle himself from a rug and grab his gun.

"Hold it, mutants!" He cried out. "No way you freaks are gonna see the bosses!" He got knocked out from behind as an invisible Xi made himself visible.

"You really like ambushing people like that, don't you?" Paul remarked.

"Considering the kind of people we fight, I find it a useful tactic." Xi explained.

"That won't work forever, Xi." Althea warned her friend.

"Al, we gotta find Tomax and Xamot." Lance reminded. "We can lecture Xi later."

"Right." Althea nodded in agreement.

"I got the info." Craig announced, making the guard go to sleep. "We have to go to the top floor. Their offices have a pair of big golden doors."

"Count on Cobra to be subtle." Pietro rolled his eyes.

"Right now, I couldn't care less about subtlety." Craig told Pietro. "All I want is some payback on Tomax and Xamot for what they did to me, Paul, and those other mutants. I want to give those clowns a Starr-style beatdown." The mutant boy clutched his nightstick, his hand shaking with rage. However, one of the guards, unnoticed by the Misfits, managed to come back to consciousness. He pressed a "panic button" hidden in his badge. Before the Misfits knew it, they were swarmed by more security guards. There were at least 50 in number, and all wearing black police riot-gear armor, but the Misfits suspected that this armor was significantly more advanced.

"Aw man…" Blob sighed. "Here we go again!"

 _Better call in the Joes for backup..._ Althea thought, pressing a button on her Joe-Com.

 **Tomax and Xamot's offices, Extensive Enterprises Building**

 **"Sirs?" The secretary's voice crackled over the intercom.**

 **"Yes, Miss Grace?" Tomax and Xamot asked in unison.**

 **"There's a...brouhaha in the lobby. Some kids in crazy costumes are fighting with our security downstairs.**

"What?" Destro blinked. "Do you have a feed on any security cameras there?" Xamot wordlessly handed Destro a tablet. The silver-masked Scotsman looked at the feed, showing the Misfits fighting with Extensive's elite security. "The Joes' annoying pet mutants! What're they doing here?!"

"Perhaps their visit..."

"Has the same purpose yours did."

Destro nodded. "Perhaps."

"It would..."

"Make sense."

"That it would, gentlemen." Destro nodded.

 **Extensive Enterprises Main Lobby**

The other Misfits hid behind Blob. His invulnerable skin safely protected the Misfits from the trooper's laser fire.

"Blob. The human tank. Gotta love 'im." Paul grinned.

"Blast away, girly men! Your girly lasers cannot hurt me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Blob laughed, impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"You tell 'em, Freddy!" Pietro whooped.

"We can't just hide behind Fred! We have to attack!" Xi noted.

"The hell are the Joes?!" Althea grumbled.

 _ **FWASH!**_

Thanks to the MASS Device, a group of Joes (Roadblock, Cover Girl, Recondo, and Spirit) appeared besides Fred, all carrying their standard weapons.

"GI Joe! Drop the weapons!" Cover Girl ordered.

"Make us!" One of the guards taunted.

"We got these special weapons, so don't you weep." Roadblock said. "If you don't surrender, we'll put you to sleep."

"Heh heh, look at the poet over here. Thinks he's James Joyce." One of the guards mocked, making the others chuckle. Roadblock smiled.

"I may be a poet, but I can also kick your butt in a way you'll never know it." The heavy machine gunner quipped. Wanda noticed a sprinkler above the guards. She nudged Althea and pointed at it.

"Do it." Althea ordered with a nod.

"Hey fellas!" Wanda yelled at the guards as she pitched a hexbolt. "You clowns stink! You need a shower! The hexbolt hit the sprinkler, activating it. "Now, Wavedancer!"

"No problem!" Althea made the water droplets attack the confused guards like a swarm of angry killer bees.

"Nice work, Wavedancer." Spirit complimented.

"You gotta admit, this is kinda funny." Recondo remarked, snickering at the guards swatting at the waterdrops.

"That's my girl!" Todd grinned.

"Anybody getting this?" Lance asked.

"Way ahead of you." Fred filmed the guards on his phone.

"Blob, time and place." Cover Girl sighed.

"Shoot them! Shoot them!" One of the guards screamed as he swatted at the waterdrops. "Maybe it'll stop this weird crap!"

"Nope!" Recondo and the other Joes fired their guns. Instead of their usual ammunition, these guns fired special rounds. When the rounds hit the guards' armor, they released a thick white gas. Since the guards' armor was not airtight, they breathed it in and fell to the ground.

"Pleasant dreams, boys." Cover Girl smiled. "We have to remember to thank Trinity again for making these special knockout rounds."

"Yup." Recondo nodded. "Gotta give those little brainiacs credit."

"Can we go smash Tomax and Xamot's skulls now?" Craig groaned.

"Darkstar, we're here to find out where the Viper is and what he is up to." Cover Girl reminded.

"Considering what those bastards did, they need a skull-caving." Craig retorted. The tank driver sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Craig, there's a saying. 'Before one seeks revenge, one must first dig two graves'."

Paul smirked teasingly at the ex-model. "You got that from a Bond movie. For Your Eyes Only."

"Let's just head up to the top floor." Althea nodded. "After all, we do have an appointment, even if these guys didn't get the memo."

"Race you there!" Pietro grabbed the Starr Brothers and raced off using his super speed.

"YAHOO!" Paul whooped as he was dragged away.

"Urk!" Craig mumbled as his face went slightly green.

"Blast it, Quicksilver!" Althea yelled.

"That boy may be quick, but when it comes to not charging in, he can be thick." Roadblock remarked as the group ran into an elevator. The three boys arrived at the Crimson Guard twins' office. Hoever, in front of the golden ornate doors, there stood six mahogany desks, in rows of two. Secretaries sat behind the desks and blinked in confusion at the the three boys who suddenly appeared.

"Uh hi." Paul smiled, waving at the six women.

"Oog..." Craig groaned, falling to his knees, his face green.

"You okay, bro?" Paul asked as he moved to help his brother up.

"God, his speed...my stomach..."

"Uhm..." One of the secretaries, a pretty blonde woman, peered at the three, her glasses slightly down on her nose. "May we help you?"

"Hellooooo, gorgeous!" Pietro leapt on the woman's desk. "You've been given a great honor. Your presence has just been graced by gorgeousness personified." The secretary giggled and shook her head. He then looked around at the other secretaries, a smile on his face. "It's alright, ladies. I know my godly looks have you amazed. That's perfectly normal. After all, I am the Amazing Quicksilver."

"Uh, Quicksilver..." Paul piped up, pulling the silver-headed speedster off the desk. "Darkstar here's not looking too good. Does anyone have a glass of water?"

One of the secretaries pointed at a water cooler with a cup dispenser built into it, and a wastebasket next to it. "There's one right there."

"Thank you!" Paul grabbed a paper cup from the dispenser and filled it up. He handed it to Craig, who took it and gulped it down slowly. "Feel better?"

Craig nodded with a grunt. "A little bit." He handed the empty cup back to Paul, who tossed it in the wastebasket. "Friggin' silver-headed..."

"Don't tell me he has a weak stomach!" Pietro groaned.

"Not his fault." Paul explained. "You _did_ whip us around quite a bit getting us up here." He then glanced at the secretaries. "We would like to see your bosses, please." Craig rubbed his stomach, his face still looking a bit green.

"They're in the office, boys." The blonde pointed behind her. Pietro walked to the door, but a fat woman blocked his path.

"Hey!" The speedster yelped.

"Mr. Tomax and Mr. Xamot have an appointment. They don't want to be disturbed."

"He also has an appointment with us, ma'am." Paul grinned. Craig groaned and shook his head.

"I got this, fellas." He glanced at the woman. "Look at me." Craig's eye flashed. The woman's eyes glowed, showing that Craig's hypnotic power had her. The other secretaries gasped.

"It's alright, ladies." Paul reassured. "She'll be fine."

"Hey Craig, make her dance!" Pietro suggested. Craig glared at the speedster.

"Shut up." He turned to the other secretaries. "Ladies. _**LEAVE.**_ " He ordered sharply. The other women got up and left. Craig glared at the woman he hypnotized. "Who exactly do the twins have an appointment with?"

"The man had a hood on, so I did not get a good look at his face. I did see some flashes of metal, like he had a steel mask." The woman answered. Pietro and Paul looked at each other.

"Steel mask?" Paul blinked in confusion.

"Destro." Pietro realized.

"Thank you." Craig nodded. He snapped his fingers, snapping the woman out of the trance. The secretary blinked and shook her head in confusion. "Get out." The woman ran away obediently.

"I take it you're feeling better." Pietro noted.

"Not really, but I'll live." Craig grunted. Pietro nodded.

"Okay, let's go in there, kick some butt, then get Craig to a bathroom or something."

"Okay!" Paul agreed with an eager nod. He looked at the locked doors. A smile formed on his face. "I got this one. No prob." He fired a purple laser from his right eye. The laser cut a hole around the knobs, making them fall off. Pietro then forced the doors open with a mighty kick.

 **Tomax and Xamot's offices**

 **Destro noticed a flash of light moving around the doorknobs.**

 **"Must be the Joes." Destro realized. He turned to Tomax and Xamot. "I take it you two have something for this?"**

 **Without saying a word, Xamot pressed a hidden button on the wall. A hidden panel opened, revealing a chamber that hid some weapons and various other equipment in it. The twins and Destro grabbed the guns inside the chamber, and locked and loaded them.**

 **"Get ready to greet our guests." Destro ordered.** Quicksilver kicked the door down.

"HELLOOOOO COBRA!" Paul whooped, impersonating Robin Williams.

"Hey there, guys!" Pietro grinned widely, waving at the Cobra members. "How you doing?!"

 _ **Clack! Clack! Clack!**_

Destro and the Crimson Guard Twins pointed their guns at the two young mutants.

"Hello, gentlemen." Destro greeted. "I take it your Joe bosses are unavailable at the moment?"

"We prefer 'adopted parents'." Pietro explained.

"Oog..." Craig groaned, staggering in behind his compatriots. _Oh God, my stomach is acting up again..._

"Uhm, hi." Paul waved nervously. "How you guys doing?" Destro and the twins looked at each other, and then the steel-masked arms dealer glanced at Paul

"I do not recognize you." Destro told the young mutant.

"I'm new." Paul explained.

"Oh, we remember you." Tomax and Xamot growled in anger. "You were one of the two brats that helped wreck Mindbender's lab in Los Angeles."

"Yup!" Paul nodded proudly. "We did."

"Well, you two twin twits did kind of ask for it." Pietro laughed. "All those terrible things you were doing to mutants in that lab."

"Looks like we have..."

"An opportunity for some payback." The Crimson Guard twins grinned evilly as they pointed their guns at Paul. The young mutant shook his head.

"You two will get what's coming." Paul told them. "I'm not afraid of either of you." Behind the two boys, Craig groaned and rubbed his stomach.

"Oongh..." Craig groaned. His face went really green. "OH GOD!" Craig stumbled past Paul and Pietro. Sensing an opportunity, the speedster activated the camera in his Joe-Com. Craig stumbled towards Destro, and...

 _ **BULARRRRRRGHHHH!**_

The young mutant vomited on Destro, much to the arms dealer's shock. Craig then fell on his face.

"Uch!" Destro growled. "You have _got_ to be _kidding me!_ " Pietro burst out laughing as Paul ran to help his brother.

"Oh, this is _priceless!_ " The speedster cackled. "One of the heads of Cobra, getting puked on! The Joes will _love_ this!"

"Craig, you okay?!" Paul asked in concern as he helped his brother up.

"I'm gonna kill Pietro..." Craig moaned. Destro growled.

"Only with you brats does stuff like this happen!" He heard more snickering behind him. He angrily whipped his head around and saw Tomax and Xamot snickering and trying not to burst out laughing. "What is so funny?!" The Crimson Guard twins waved as they tried to get their giggles under control.

"We are sorry, it's just..." Xamot started.

"It's not very often that one sees..." Xamot continued.

"Something that _hilarious!_ " The Crimson guard twins finished together, then clutched their sides in laughter. Destro growled in anger.

"Fools." He muttered.

"Hey, uh, Mr. Destro..." Paul asked the metal-masked man. "Can I ask you a question?" Destro blinked in shock. He then glanced at the laughing Crimson Guard twins. The Scotsman let out a sigh.

"Yes, you may."

"We came here to find out about the Viper."

"The Viper?"

Paul nodded. "Yeah. We got coordinates to you guys' big ol' Antarctic rest stop from him."

 _So, he **did** tell the Joes._ Destro thought. "I see."

"Yeah, we were wondering if you guys knew anything about him."

"All I know is that Cobra Commander hired him and his cohorts in Serpent Solutions."

"Serpent Solutions? Aren't they those snake-themed guys? The not racist ones?" Pietro took advantage of the Cobra officers' distraction to get Craig out of there.

"Yes." Destro confirmed. Paul glanced at the laughing Xamot and Tomax.

"Those two looked like they have been in a fight."

"We had a...discussion over the Viper." Destro explained. Paul nodded.

"Okay." He then realized something. "You know, Mr. Destro, it's not something I'm fond of doing it, but I could hypnotize you and see if you are telling the truth."

Destro smirked and crossed his arms. "Young man, I know techniques for resisting hypnosis. I highly doubt you could."

"Oh." Paul blinked. "I see." He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I guess I have to take your word for it, then."

"You are going to have to." He looked down at his uniform. "I have to get this cleaned up."

"Okay." Paul nodded. "See you." He glanced at Tomax and Xamot, who were still in their laughing fit. He glanced at the Crimson Guard Twins. _Karma will pay those two back for what they did to my friends back in Los Angeles..._ Paul heard a clicking. "Oh dear." He turned around and saw a smirking Tomax and Xamot pointing their guns at him. "Oh, dear..."

Xamot chuckled. "Little boy, you really think..."

"We would just let you walk away?" Tomax finished. "You and your brother helped..."

"Wreck our little project in Los Angeles."

Paul frowned and crossed his arms at the three. "That we did. And we're actually pretty proud of it."

Tomax growled. "Do you have any idea how much..."

"It _cost_ us to set us that lab?!"

Paul grinned proudly. "Considering you snakes wasted that money on hurting people, I can't really bring myself to feel sorry for you guys."

 _ **FWOOSH!**_

Pietro zipped by the three Cobra officers, taking their guns.

"Thanks, Quicksilver!" Paul's eye let out a big burst of purple light, temporarily blinding Destro, Tomax and Xamot. The three screamed and covered their eyes, dropping their guns.

"Let's jet, Starchild!" Pietro grinned, jerking his thumb at the door.

"Now _that_ is a totally stellar idea, Quickie!" Paul grinned as the two ran out of the offices, to encounter the other Misfits and Joes in a hallway.

"BLASTED KIDS!" Destro was heard roaring.

"You two alright?" Recondo asked.

"Thanks to Quickie and his speed here, we're good as gold." Paul gave the thumbs up.

"That's good." Spirit nodded. "We had better get out of here." The groups started to leave.

Craig glanced at Paul. " _Please_ tell me you got to kick those twin twits' asses."

"Afraid not, bro. Sorry."

"...Dammit."

"We'll get them next time." Paul reassured. Craig sighed.

 _Frickin' motion sickness..._ The young mutant sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. A snickering Pietro pulled out his phone.

"Hey guys, want to see something cool?" The speedster whipped out his phone. Craig's eyes widened.

"Quicksilver, don't you dare-!" Quicksilver played the footage he captured of Craig puking on Destro. The other Misfits burst out laughing.

"Okay, that's gross, but its pretty funny." Wanda chuckled.

"That's not funny!" Craig snapped.

"Yeah. It is." Lance chortled.

"You puked on Destro." Spirit remarked. The Native American Joe smiled in amusement. "I will admit, it is pretty funny."

"I didn't _intend_ to!" Craig exclaimed.

"It's alright, son." Roadblock smiled and patted Craig's shoulder. "Nobody got hurt, so for this, it's alright to have a little fun."

 _If it is any consolation, brother, Wanda doesn't seem to think any less of you._ Paul reassured his brother telepathically. Craig glanced at Wanda chuckling at a replay of the footage, and he blushed.

"Oh, man..." Craig muttered under his breath.

"You gotta learn to laugh at yourself sometimes, Darkstar." Fred told the former gang member sagely. "Having a healthy sense of humor about yourself is a good thing."

"Coming from the guy who flipped out whenever people made fun of his weight?"

"I have made progress on that." Fred explained.

Some time later, the Misfits were back at the Misfit Clubhouse. They were gathered around the pool table, discussing the Viper.

"Let me get this straight." Althea sighed. "Destro knew nothing about the Viper."

"No." Paul shook his head. "You know, Tomax and Xamot's suits seemed messed up, like they were already in a fight."

"Must've been Destro." Pietro deduced. "He was the only one in the room with the twin terrors."

"Don't be mad at me, you guys but, um..." An embarrassed Paul rubbed the back of his head. "I...kinda told Destro about us hitting that base in Antarctica." The gang blinked at Paul.

"Uh, Paul...that's fine." Lance explained.

"I think they already know about it, man." Pietro rolled his eyes.

"Oh." Paul blinked. Craig sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Well, I told him about it, and he seemed to be in thought for a moment. As if he was trying to figure something out himself."

"Tomax and Xamot looked like they were in a fight already..." Pietro's mind raced. "You guys, you think Destro was there to interrogate the Crimson Guard twins?"

"Maybe." Paul nodded. "Destro did say that he and the Dorktastic Duo were talking about the Viper."

"I'm betting by 'talking', he meant beating some info out of them." Pietro deducted.

"Wouldn't surprise me." Althea grumbled. "With the way that Cobra Commander runs his organization..."

"Wait, _why_ would Destro beat up the twin twits, yo?" Todd blinked in confusion. "Aren't they on the same side?"

"Lot of ambitious and power-hungry people in those ranks." Fred explained. "They probably plot against each other quite a bit."

"You _really_ like psychoanalyzing people, don't you, Blob?" Pietro noted with a frown.

"Know your enemy." Fred explained sagely. "And I've found I have a talent himself."

"He's improving himself, Quickie. Nothing wrong with that." Paul shrugged.

"Maybe Cobra Commander was plotting something behind Destro's back." Lance suggested.

"Maybe." Althea nodded. "Guy _is_ crazy."

"You know, we have no leads as to what Viper is up to." Lance realized.

"Yeah." Althea nodded. "This sucks." The group heard a knock at the door.

"Kids! We got another note!"

 **Serpent Solutions HQ, Location Unknown**

Sidewinder walked into the room, holding a tablet.

"I checked everyone, Viper." Sidewinder explained. "Everyone's clean."

"Excellent." Viper nodded in approval.

"I got some other good news."

"What?"

"We got it."

"Great!" Viper smiled. "Excellent! Have they taken it to the usual place?"

"Yeah, that junkyard." Sidewinder nodded. "You sure it will be safe there?"

"It should." Viper noted. "Never had any problems there before."

"We should guard it just in case." Sidewinder suggested. Viper nodded.

"Good idea, Sidewinder. Let's get the group there."

 ** _ **Well, well, well! Looks like things are heating up! What insanity will happen next? What is the device that Serpent Solutions has? Can our heroes save the day? Find out in the next chapter!**_**


	5. Misfits, meet the Serpents!

**The Misfits v The Viper!**

 **Disclaimer: "I like shorts! They're comfy and easy to wear!"**

 **Author's Note: Apologies to everyone for how long this one took. I had to do something I normally try and avoid as much as possible with these revamps of my older stories: A massive rewrite. Yeah, I had to massively rewrite this story due to the original version...not being so good. When I originally wrote this, I was unaware there was another supervillain known as The Viper before the female one also known as Madame Hydra. When I learned of him, I got inspired to make the remake of this story into a battle with the Serpent Society, or the name they're currently going under in the comics, Serpent Solutions. So, this had to be massively rewritten to accommodate that idea. I think you all may like it more than the original, anyway. Sorry about the rant. Enjoy!**

Chapter 5: Misfits, meet the Serpents!

 **The junkyard**

Viper and Sidewinder wove their way through the piles of junk and garbage until they arrived at their destination. Standing in the clearing were several members of Serpent Solutions. They were standing around a strange red device, around six foot tall, that resembled a mix of a lipstick case and a Dalek's outer shell. The sides of the device had yellow circular panels going down them, and the device was topped by a dome.

"Ah, they got it!" Viper smiled. He looked over the device. "Great job, everyone! Cobra Commander will be very pleased, and we'll be very rich."

"What _is_ this thing, again?" A platinum blonde Caucasian woman asked. She was dressed in a gray bodysuit with what looked like a scaly yellow one-piece swimsuit over it, yellow-tinted sunglasses, long yellow opera gloves with silver metal wristbands that were actually curled-up coils, and yellow thigh-high boots.

 _ **Coachwhip. Real Name: Beatrix Keener. Birthplace: Amarillo, TX, USA. Affiliations: Serpent Solutions. Physiology: Technology-using Human. Powers: Wristbands can unfurl electrically-charged (up to 20,000 volts) metal-linked whips.**_

"They call it a Madbomb." A muscular, tall, stocky Caucasian man answered. He was dressed in a light green costume, the center of the suit displaying a DNA-like pattern in pale green and blue, the cowl resembling a snake's head, complete with fangs and red eyes, and in pale green. The sleeves of the costume were blue, with light green gloves that had the DNA-like pattern at the ends, and the boots were pale green.

 _ **Puff Adder. Real Name: Gordon Fraley. Birthplace: Atlanta, GA, USA. Affiliations: Serpent Society. Physiology: Mutant Human. Powers: Can spit acidic gasses, can increase his size and mass.**_

"Madbomb?!" Coachwhip snickered. "That sounds like something out of a 1970s comic book!" Puff Adder shrugged in response.

"Don't look at me, Blondie. I didn't name it."

"I can believe you did, though." Coachwhip teased. Puff Adder rolled his eyes.

"Viper, why on Earth would Cobra Commander _buy_ this thing?" A Hispanic woman asked, frowning at the bomb. She was dressed in a purple-an yellow costume, with a cowl that had blue lenses that revealed the lower have of her face, and let a pair of short jet black braids free.

 _ **Fer-de-Lance. Real Name: Teresa Vasquez. Birthplace: San Juan, Puerto Rico. Affiliations: Serpent Solutions. Physiology: Enhanced Human/Techology User. Powers: Enhanced strength and durability. Her costume is armed with retractable osmium steel blades in the forearms and a smaller pair in the boots.**_

"I don't know." Viper shrugged. "All I know is that he wants this thing."

"Wasn't this the bomb that was made that supposedly made people go insane?" A thin tall black man asked, his voice having an Alabama lilt. He was wearing a purple costume with yellow gloves and boots. On his pecs were two yellow shapes that resembled eyes, and the ab area had a white shape that made the purple around it form an open fanged mouth. The cowl of the costume was shaped like a snake, which left his face open, and the fangs on it gave the impression that his head was being swallowed by a purple snake.

 _ **Cottonmouth. Real Name: Burchell Clemens. Birthplace: Mobile, Alabama. Affiliation: Serpent Solutions. Physiology: Cyborg human. Powers: Bionically-enhanced teeth, jaw, and neck muscles give him the ability to loosen and enlarge his jaw to the size of an adult human's head.**_

"Supposedly." Viper nodded. "SHIELD busted the scientist who was building this thing, and were trying to find out who paid him to make it."

"We _know_ the story, Viper." An Australian-accented Caucasian man responded, rolling his eyes. He wore a costume with black leggings, and the top half looking like a blue bomber jacket with red puffy sleeves, and a blue cowl that left his jaw visible. The costume was completed by red gloves and boots. "Might I remind you that you asked us to nick the bloody thing?"

 _ **Boomslang. Real Name: Marc Riemer. Birthplace: Melbourne, Australia. Affiliation: Serpent Solutions. Physiology: Human. Powers: Martial arts skills, uses custom-made sickles called 'serpent-rangs'. The 'Serpent-rangs' can have various gimmicks.**_

"I know, Boomslang, I know." Viper nodded.

"I don't understand why we can't take this thing to one of our Citadels?" Sidewinder suggested. "It would be a lot safer for us there than out here."

"SHIELD is after this thing." Viper explained. "They'd expect us to take it there."

"Personally, I'd prefer if we took it to New York." An Amazonian blonde-maned woman remarked with a yawn. She was clad in a green armored costume, and had visible gills on the sides of her neck. The costume had gold highlights. "Could go see a show while we wait."

 ** _ **Anaconda. Real Name: Blanche Sitznski. Birthplace: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Affiliation: Serpent Solutions. Physiology: Altered Human. Powers: Superhuman strength and durability. Healing factor. Can breathe both air and water. Ability to extend arms up to 200 times standard length to constrict opponents.**_**

Coachwhip rolled her eyes. "Of course you would, Anaconda."

"Broadway is _art_ , okay?" Anaconda snorted at Coachwhip. "I am surrounded by philistines."

"I wouldn't mind going to go see a museum or something." Puff Adder admitted.

"Always did want to see the Empire State Building." Boomslang added with a chuckle.

Viper sighed. "Well, after Cobra Commander pays us off for the device, we can take a trip to New York City. How about that?" Anaconda grinned.

"Well, let's hope Cobra Commander comes and pays us quickly!" The amphibious Amazon rubbed her hands with glee. " _Les Miserables_ , here I come!"

"And I guess I'm going to be accompanying you, my dear?" A tall skinny black man smiled at the blonde Amazon. He wore a purple and light blue costume, the blue on the legs going up to the chest, forming a snake-like chest-emblem. He had a silver utility belt around his waist, purple boots, light blue gloves, and a helmet that left his mouth and chin bare, the helmet's white lenses in the shape of a pair of angry snake eyes.

 _Rock Python. Real Name: M'Gula. Birthplace: Viceroy, Rudyarda, southern Africa. Affiliation: Serpent Solutions. Physiology: Technology-using mutant. Powers: Invulnerability, uses metallic "eggs" that have various effects, like acids, explosives, smoke bombs, and steel cables._

"Well, duh!" Anaconda grinned at Rock Python. "I want to show you the _best_ in American Broadway! I do wish _Cats_ was still going, though..."

 **The Misfit Clubhouse**

Althea opened the door of the Clubhouse, revealing Spirit.

"Hey, Spirit."

"Hello, Althea." The Native American Joe smiled at the Misfits' leader. "The Viper has sent us another gift." He held out the note to her. Althea took the note and walked up to the others.

"Thanks, Spirit." The aquakinetic waved as she walked inside. They gathered around the girl and the note.

"'Looks like a pile of junk'? What does that even _mean?_ " Lance asked out loud as he read the note. Craig shrugged and walked to the dartboard, which had a picture of the X-Men Cyclops on it. Craig took down the picture, then picked up some darts and started throwing some darts at the board.

"If you ask me..." He threw another dart which hit the board with a _thump!_ "Whoever is sending us these notes is really begging for us to beat them down."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Lance then noticed the picture was gone. "Hey, you took down my picture of Summers!" Lance exclaimed.

"You can put it back up when you play with this dartboard." Craig said, throwing a dart and getting a bulls-eye. "What's your deal with the guy?" He picked up the photo and frowned at it. "Guy looks like a geek, especially with those goofy red glasses. What's your deal with him, anyway?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot that you haven't met him yet." Lance explained. "Put simply, he and the other X-Men tend to act like they're the big mutants on the block." Craig nodded.

"I hear you." He said. "I _have_ heard of the X-Men. Mutants on the streets talk about them."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Craig nodded. "The X-Men were on _national_ _TV._ They became very well-known real quick."

"Right, I have forgotten about that..." Lance admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "I imagine the X-Men would be loving that they got so much attention. I bet the X-Geeks get showered with love."

"Actually..." Craig smirked. "Not really."

"...really?"

"Yup." Craig nodded. "The X-Men tend to get looked at with a...jaundiced eye." He shook his head. "The existence of mutants was blown wide open by the Sentinel attack. It was felt that the X-Men could have had at the very least softened the blow if they revealed themselves sooner."

"I once tried to join the X-Men." Lance recalled. "Didn't go over so well. They can be untrusting jerks. And I did overhear Xavier once claiming that humanity wasn't ready for mutants to be revealed." Craig rolled his eyes.

"Xavier's a fool." Craig rolled his eyes. "We mutants weren't going to stay hidden forever. He should've actually done something. And now our species is paying for his idiocy." He threw another dart, getting another bulls-eye. Darkstar threw the last dart, getting one final bulls-eye. He smirked in satisfaction as he removed the darts. "I'm good." While the two were conversing, Paul was on the phone, talking to someone.

"Great! Thanks for letting me know! I'll let you know when I can pick it up?" Paul ended the call and got up from the couch to stretch, a smile on his face.

"Who were you talking to, Paul?" Xi asked curiously.

"A clothing store in town." Paul explained. "I got some clothes for the upcoming big date. After this whole bruhaha is over, I can go pick them up."

"Clothing for who, Craig or Wanda?"

"Craig." Paul explained. "Althea helped Wanda get a dress for the date."

"Wanda was a little uncomfortable with it, but she fell in love with it."

"I got my brother a really nice tux for the date." Paul grinned. Craig overheard and rolled his eyes.

"Really? A tuxedo?" Craig sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"Hey, it's your first date, bro!" Paul explained. "You gotta look good for it!"

"Hey, I got a dress for Wanda for it." Althea added. "Trust me on this, Darkstar, when you see Wanda in it, your jaw will drop."

"And when she sees you in a tux, her jaw will hit the floor." Paul chuckled. Craig blushed slightly. "Yeah, he's excited." Paul teased.

"Shut up, Paul." Craig grumbled, making his twin laugh.

"That's all fun and all, but we got a bigger problem." Althea sighed. "The Viper's last note. 'Looks like a pile of junk'. What does that mean?"

"Well, a junk is a Chinese boat..." Paul suggested.

"The Viper has played with words before, maybe it's another such play." Xi suggested.

"Maybe." Althea frowned in thought as she looked at the note. "But what's the play on words?"

"...I got nothing." Fred suggested.

"You got nothing. What a shock." Pietro cracked, making Fred frown.

"What do you have, then?" Fred asked.

With a cocky smirk and shake of his head, Pietro opened his mouth to answer, but... "Okay, I got nothing, too." Fred smiled at that.

"See? Not everyone always has a brilliant answer." Fred said. Pietro pouted mulishly.

"Whatever."

"The only think I can think of is that maybe it's a rearranging." Lance thought. "Pile of junk...junkpile."

"Makes sense." Althea nodded. "But what does he mean by a junkpile?"

"Well, where would you guys find a junkpile?" Paul asked.

"An attic." Wanda suggested.

"A consignment shop." Pietro responded.

"A mall." Craig suggested.

"A landfill." Xi smiled. "Landfills are full of junk."

"That makes sense." Althea agreed with a nod. "But which one?" She noticed some numbers on the note. "Hey, these could be coordinates." She grabbed her phone and entered the coordinates into it. The phone's display revealed that the coordinates were in a junkyard. "It's a junkyard, alright. And it's right in the town near here."

"How convenient." Pietro grumbled.

"Yeah, it is." Lance nodded. "We can simply drive there."

"Let's tell the Joes, then." Althea nodded.

"To the Misfitmobile!" Paul whooped dramatically, pointing out at the door.

"We are _not_ calling my car the Misfitmobile, man!" Lance exclaimed. A short time later, the Misfits, and a group of Joes had arrived at the junkyard. The Joes were checking their weapons and making sure they were all in proper working order.

"Xi, scout ahead." Althea ordered. "Keep yourself unseen."

"Right." Xi nodded. He turned invisible and went on ahead, treading and climbing carefully through the piles of garbage.

"Good idea, Althea." Cover Girl complimented.

"No-brainer, really." Althea shrugged with a smile. "Xi's invisibility will allow him to find the Viper without hopefully being discovered by him."

"But what if the Viper finds him?" Todd blinked in concern.

"He knows what to do."

"This is going to suck." Pietro groaned. "The stench of this place is going to stick with us for months."

"Oh, quit your whining, yo." Todd grumbled. "We can't always fight villains in a perfume factory."

"Oh, you'd love this, wouldn't you, froggy?" Pietro scowled back. "The smell probably reminds you of the swamp!"

"Hey, is that a crack on my old scent issue?!" Todd snapped.

"Just saying you'd be used to this!" Pietro snapped back.

"Hey hey, not here!" Fred pulled the two apart before a fight could break out.

"We must remain on our guard." Roadblock reminded. "I got a feeling this fight will be very hard."

"We're dealing with costumed villains, Roadblock." Spirit reminded. "This fight won't exactly be a cakewalk." He smiled. "But luckily, we have our own costumed heroes to counter them. Right, son?"

"You got it, Spirit." Lance grinned at the Native American Joe.

"I'm pretty excited to lay a smackdown on a snake, yo." Todd grinned at Roadblock.

"Indeed." Blind Master agreed, wiping his sword before sheathing it. Instead of his usual white gi with a black belt, the martial artist was wearing a white suit similar to the uniforms Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes wore. He smiled at the Joe with them, a man in a blue-and-light blue uniform, his face covered by a blue balaclava like Beach Head's green one and light blue cap. On his back was strapped a shield similar to the riot shields used by SWAT officers, only his was blue. He also had a gun in a hlster on his side, and a grenade launcher on the other side of his belt. "Thank you for helping us out with this, Corporal."

 _ **Shockwave. Real Name: Corporal Jason A. Faria. Physiology: Human. Birthplace: Dearborn, Michigan, USA. Affiliation: GI Joe (Currently), Detroit SWAT (Formerly). Powers: No innate superpowers. Specialty in SWAT tactics and urban warfare.**_

The Joe shrugged. "Happy to help. After all, fighting in places like this is my specialty." He then glanced at Althea. "Hey kid, this riot shield that your crazy sisters made for me. You really think that it can handle supervillain guys?"

"My sisters are nuts, and are fond of defictionalizing things, but they do good work." Althea smiled at the Detroit native. "Don't you worry. If they say that riot shield can stand an atomic bomb, it can stand an atomic bomb."

"Hope so." Shockwave pulled off his shield, put it on his arm, and moved it around. "Heh. This thing is really light. It's actually lighter than the riot shields I used back in my SWAT days."

"My sisters put some vibranium in it." Althea explained. "If something hits it hard, you won't feel it."

"Kind of like Captain America's shield. Neat." Shockwave smiled. The SWAT officer looked at Cover Girl. "I take it we should wait until the lizard kid reports in?"

"His name is Xi." Todd corrected.

Cover Girl nodded. "Yeah. Xi will let us know where we need to go." The ex-model blinked , then glanced at Roadblock. "You're rubbing off on me." Meanwhile, said Misfit was carefully stalking around the junkyard. His ears perked as he heard talking. He carefully followed the noise until he found the source: the members of Serpent Solutions talking to each other.

"When the hell are Cobra coming?!" Fer-de-Lance grumbled impatiently.

"They said they'd be here in fifteen minutes. Patience, Fer-de-Lance." Viper told the villainess.

"I don't blame her. It's hot out here." Sidewinder grumbled. "I hate Florida."

"What's so bad about Florida? Disney is here." Rock Python blinked.

"This state is hot, it has crocodiles, and the people here are crazy. You don't see weirdos like them back in Wisconsin."

"From my perspective, America in general is insane." Rock Python shrugged.

"Yeah, but that's what makes America a hell of a lot of fun." Boomslang laughed.

"You'd better stay away from the swamps here then, Sidewinder." Coachwhip suggested with a cheeky grin. "They can get pretty humid."

Sidewinder groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, making Coachwhip laugh. "Oh, God..."

"Doesn't bother me." Cottonmouth shrugged. "I'm a Southern boy. I'm used to the heat."

"You guys, I just thought of something." Puff Adder realized. "What if those Cobra guys try to pull a fast one?"

"They certainly can be crazy enough to try." Cottonmouth concurred.

"If they're smart, they won't." Anaconda smirked, punching her hand. "I'm sure if they try something funny, we can deal with it."

"Don't they have an arms maker of their own? Why can't they just build this thing themselves?" Rock Python wondered, gesturing at the Madbomb.

"It's a prototype." Viper shrugged. "They probably want to examine it so that they can refine it themselves." Xi watched this with concern.

"Xi to Joes." He whispered into his Joe-Com. "I found them. This 'Viper' is part of Serpent Solutions. He has several members with him. I have identified Sidewinder, Cottonmouth, Rock Python, Anaconda, Coachwhip, Puff Adder, Boomslang, Fer-de-Lance, and Viper." He looked up and saw that they were still conversing. _Good._ The artificial mutant thought. _They do not notice me. I can activate the homing beacon in my Joe-Com._ He did so.

 _Beep! Beep!_

The Joes and Misfits looked at their Joe-Coms.

"Xi's found them." Cover Girl smiled. "We can move in."

"Carefully, everyone." Blind Master warned. The group carefully walked into the junkyard. The group quickly and quietly managed to surround the Serpents.

"Look at them." Shockwave blinked. "I've helped deal with supervillains back in Detroit, but these guys..."

"There are supervillains in Detroit?"

"And superheroes." Shockwave nodded. "New York isn't the only city in the world with its own heroes and villains."

"...that should not surprise me." Blind Master blinked.

"You'd be amazed by how many New Yorkers are shocked by that." Shockwave chuckled. "They like to think superheroes running around are _their_ thing."

"You ever met any of those superheroes, Shockwave?" Paul asked curiously.

"I met one." Shockwave smiled. "Maybe when we can get back, I can tell you about it."

"Cool!"

"Keep it down." Blind Master shushed. "We don't want to surprise them just yet."

"Okay, Shockwave." Cover Girl whispered to the former SWAT man. "Fire the grenade."

"Right." Shockwave took a grenade launcher and fired it into the air, the launcher making a slight poof sound. The grenade flew up into the air, unbeknownst to the conversing Serpent Solutions members.

"You'll love Les Mis, M'Gula." Anaconda grinned at the African. "It'll make you laugh, it'll make you cry, it'll make you sing!"

"Please don't sing, Anaconda..." Boomslang groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I swear to God, when you sing, it sounds like you're torturing a cat."

"You're a philistine." Anacona snorted at the Australian.

"How am I a bloody philistine for pointing out you can't bloody sing?!" Boomslang exclaimed. Puff Adder cocked his head.

"Hey, you guys hear a whistle?" He asked. The others looked around. The grenade clacked onto the ground in the center of the group. "Hey, what's that?"

"Grenade!" Viper exclaimed.

 _Boom!_

The grenade went off, releasing a large cloud of thick grey smoke. The smoke wafted into the air, making the Serpents cough and wave around.

"The HELL?!" Coachwhip wheezed.

"Everyone gather around the bomb!" Viper ordered. The group followed the former ad exec's order. "What's going on?"

"All of you freeze!" The smoke wafted away to reveal the group of Joes and the Misfits had surrounded them, their weapons all pointed at the serpents.

"Serpent Solutions." Spirit smiled. "Figures it would be you."

"GI Joe?!" Coachwhip blinked in confusion. "Wait...wait, _what?!_ "

"Did Cobra sell us out?!" Puff Adder wondered out loud.

"Bunch of crazy bastard run that place. They probably would." Boomslang grumbled, whipping out a pair of his snake-themed boomerangs.

"Oh, those snakes are going to pay!" Anaconda growled, punching her fist into her hand.

"Wait..." Viper blinked. "How the hell did you know we were here?!"

"The note you sent us, punk!" Roadblock answered. "We don't know why you wanted us to do this, but your plans are sunk!"

"...what note?!" Viper exclaimed in confusion.

Sidewinder glanced at Viper. "Viper, you didn't...?"

"No, Sidewinder! I have no idea what the hell the Joes are talking about!" Viper exclaimed.

"Okay, what's going on here?" Spirit asked.

"Cobra stabbed us in the back, that's what!" Anaconda yelled out.

"Hang on! Calm down! Let me get Cobra Commander on the line!" Viper snapped, pulling his phone out of a pocket in his costume.

"The note came from you, you idiot!" Pietro shouted.

"Pietro, shut up!" Lance snapped.

"Viper, what is it?!" Cobra Commander snapped on the other end of Viper's phone.

"We got the Madbomb, but GI Joe is here!" Viper snapped. "Whats going on here?! They're claiming _I_ wrote a note to them tipping them off!"

"What?! What the hell were you _thinking?!_ " Cobra Commander exclaimed.

"I _didn't!_ " Viper yelled. "I told them nothing!"

"This _really_ isn't worth the money." Sidewinder sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Madbomb?" Paul blinked in confusion. "Guys, what's a Madbomb?"

"I don't know, but it doesn't sound very good." Shockwave answered.

"It's got 'bomb' in its name, I think we can figure out what it does." Pietro cracked.

"These Joe guys are just soldiers!" Fer-de-Lance sneered, whipping out her blades. "We can take them!"

"Hey, look at those blades, man." Lance snickered. "Girl thinks she's Wolverine."

"We are not ordinary soldiers, miss." Storm Shadow unsheathed his sword. Sidewinder glanced at Viper, who was arguing with Cobra Commander over the phone. He then sighed.

"Serpents, take care of these people so we can get rid of this thing and go home!"

 _ **Well, well, well! Looks like business is picking up! What insanity will happen next? Can our heroes stop Serpent Solutions? Will the Madbomb go off? Will Cobra Commander and Viper choke each other out?! Find out in the next chapter!**_


	6. The Big Battle, Part 1!

**The Misfits v The Viper, Revamped!**

 **Disclaimer: "Can I have some tea?" - Saitama _, One-Punch Man._**

Author's Note: Hi, folks! L1701E here! This one is going to be rather radically different from the last two versions. Mainly because like the last chapter, I had to massively re-write from the ground up. I hope you do enjoy this new version, because I had a lot of fun writing it!

Chapter 6: The Big Battle, Part 1!

 **The junkyard**

"Serpents, take care of these people so we can get rid of this thing and go home!" Sidewinder ordered.

"You cowards want to fight?" Craig snarled, whipping out his nightstick. His black star birthmark-covered eye glowed an angry hot dark purple. "Well come on, then! We aren't afraid of you!"

Wanda Maximoff charged up some hex-bolts. The blue glowing bolts of chaos energy seemed to boil with anger, like the young woman herself had in the past.

"I got some nice juicy hex-bolts for you." Wanda smirked evilly. "You guys want to try them? Just ask the X-Men! They found them a blast!"

"Kids, don't get cocky." Cover Girl warned. "Serpent Solutions are dangerous."

"Hey, look at this." Anaconda snickered. "This is cute! These kids think they're badass."

"Well, they do help fight a certain terrorist organization that you guys are making a deal with." Paul remarked.

"That we do." Storm Shadow nodded. "Tell us what your dealings with Cobra are."

"And why should we tell you anything, ninja?" Fer-de-Lance sneered at the Joe.

"It would help you all avoid a long stay in the hospital." Shockwave answered. The Puerto-Rican woman burst out laughing.

"You're kidding, right? We'd actually be frightened if we didn't have benefits!"

Shockwave blinked in confusion. "...benefits? You guys have _medical benefits?_ "

"Well, yeah." Fer-de-Lance answered. "We're a union."

"A union." Shockwave blinked in disbelief. "I'm hearing this, right? I am hearing this. A supervillain union."

"Gotta admit, that is new." Spirit nodded.

"What makes you think you soldiers can whup us?" Coachwhip grinned. "We've kicked the hell out of quite a few Local Heroes in our day! A few soldiers in fancy outfits, a ninja, a SWAT guy, and a bunch of teenagers don't scare us!"

"You're not dealing with a bunch of lone low-power heroes." Althea smirked evilly. "We're top-class."

"Hell yeah, yo!" Todd added boastfully. "We're the Misfits!"

"The who?" Rock Python asked in confusion.

"Sounds like a 1960s rock band." Coachwhip quipped.

"We're superheroes!" Pietro snapped indignantly.

"We really need to invest in a public relations person." Paul shrugged. "We need to get our name out there."

"Kids or not, you're in the way." Anaconda smirked, cracking her knuckles. "And we bulldoze through anyone in our way."

"Hey, I'm sure we can settle this another way besides fighting." Paul grinned nervously.

"Oh yeah..." Pietro grinned like a shark when he caught sight of Fer-de-Lance and Coachwhip.

"Dammit, Quickie..." Lance grumbled.

"Quicksilver, get back here!" Spirit exclaimed. Pietro zipped between the two ladies and threw his arms over their shoulders. "I'm sure we can come to a compromise. Can't we, ladies? Huh?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. The two women glanced at each other, then glared at Pietro.

"Shove off, you little punk!" Fer-de-Lance sneered. She grabbed Pietro and shoved him away.

"Really, Quickie?!" Lance exclaimed.

"You know what?" Coachwhip snapped her whips out and they crackled with electricity. "I think this little perv needs to be given a lesson on treating women with respect."

"Blondie, as much as I would love to see my dear brother get his ass handed to him, I can't let you do that." Wanda sighed, tossing a hexbolt at Coachwhip. The bolt of chaos energy hit the woman's whips, making them short out. "Beating down my idiot brother is my job."

"Hey, what?!" The blonde yelped as she checked her whips. "Hey, the whips' juice is out!" She growled at Wanda. "The hell did you do to my whips?!"

"I fixed them." Wanda mocked, a cheesy grin on her face. Coachwhip growled...but then she smirked.

"You know what, I don't _need_ my whips to be electrified to give your bratty self a proper lashing!" The blonde cackled, cracking her whips. "Eat steel, baby!" Wanda nimbly dodged the whips and tossed another hexbolt, which Coachwhip dodged just as nimbly. "Nice try, brat!" She felt a finger tap her shoulder. "Huh?" She turned around and saw a smiling Paul and a scowling Craig standing behind her.

"Hi." Paul waved.

"The hell?" Coachwhip blinked.

"Blind her." Craig ordered.

 _FWASH!_

Flashes of bright purple light erupted from their star-covered eyes. Coachwhip smirked at that.

"Sorry, boys." The blonde woman chuckled. "My glasses are polarized. They protect me from bright flashes of light."

"Aw, nuts." Paul sighed in disappointment. Craig smirked and pulled out his nightstick from his jacket.

"That's fine by me, Deborah Harry." Darkstar retorted, twirling his nightstick. "I'd rather introduce this nightstick to your jaw."

"No offense, but whips and chains aren't really our thing." Paul joked. Craig shot his twin a look. "It sounded cooler in my head."

Craig pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "God's sake, Paul..." And with that, the fight was on. Puff Adder engaged the Blob.

"Big fella, ain't you?" Puff Adder smirked.

Fred shrugged. "Always was."

"So was I, believe it or not." Puff Adder responded. "I was always the biggest kid in school." He activated his power to change size. Thanks to it, he now towered over Fred, who was easily the tallest of all the Misfits. "Looks like I still am."

"Oh, dear." Fred blinked.

"Want to see another neat trick?" Puff Adder grinned.

"...is it nice?" Fred asked.

"Oh, I think it's pretty neat." Puff Adder then blasted Fred with a stream of neon green-colored acid from his mouth. The acid was blocked by a riot shield.

"You alright, kid?" Shockwave asked in concern.

"What the-?" Puff Adder blinked in confusion as the former SWAT man brought down his riot shield. Shockwave watched in amazement as the viscous neon green liquid slid off the riot shield.

"Hunh." Shockwave remarked, noticing the riot shield showed absolutely no damage. "Neat."

"Thanks, Shockwave." Fred smiled gratefully. "I had it handled, though. Invulnerable and all."

"Can't take chances, kid." Shockwave told the powerhouse mutant.

"Funny guy." Puff Adder cocked back his fist. "I'm gonna knock your block off!" Puff Adder threw the punch, but Shockwave got his riot shield up.

 _Hope this thing works..._ Shockwave thought. Puff Adder's fist hit the shield with a _Bang!_

"AIGH!" The Serpent Solutions member howled in pain, clutching his fist. "The hell is that thing _made_ of?!"

"Huh." Shockwave thought out loud. "Wow. Didn't feel a thing. Those girls really knew what they were doing." Puff Adder growled in frustration.

"I'm gonna make you eat that shield, you wannabe Captain America."

"Bring it!" Shockwave taunted. Meanwhile, Lance was facing off against Fer-de-Lance.

"Look at you." The Puerto Rican woman snickered. "You think you can take me and my little blades. That's adorable."

"Well, I got these." Lance shrugged, as he pulled out a pair of Bowie knives.

"Cute blades, kid." Fer-de-Lance whipped out her forearm blades with a jerk of her arms, making a _Shink_ sound. "Mine are bigger. And you know what they say about bigger blades..."

"Yeah, yeah." Lance mocked. "It isn't the size that matters, lady. It's how you use 'em." Fer-de-Lance laughed.

"Oh, you are fun. I'm going to regret skewering you, kiddo. But since I like you, I'll make sure you go quick and painless."

"You will not harm my son." Spirit told the assassin defiantly, standing alongside the rock-tumbler, pulling out a pair of knives on his own.

"Hey, father-son team-up! Bring it on!" Fer-de-Lance charged the two, swinging her blades like a madwoman. The two blocked her blades with their own knives. Meanwhile, Anaconda smirked at Althea and Todd.

"So, hon." Althea smiled at her amphibious boyfriend. "You up to taking on this big ol' snake?"

"Hey, we beat up snakes all the time." Todd grinned, casually twirling his staff. "This one can't be any tougher."

"Can any of those snakes you beat up regularly do this?!" Anaconda grinned as she lashed her arms out at the two mutants.

"YIPE!" They yelped in unison as they dodged the green-clad stretchy thick limbs.

"Okay, that's just wrong, lady!" Althea exclaimed.

"Remind me to never shake your hand, yo!" Todd yelped.

"And here I was thinking that boys liked girls that got grabby!" Anaconda cackled.

"Not like this! Not like this, yo!" Todd wailed as he leapt by one of her arms.

"Hands off my boyfriend, Stretch Armstrong!" Althea snapped, whacking Anaconda across the face with her staff.

"Ungh!" The woman grunted. She then smirked. "That tickled."

"Aw crap." Althea grumbled. Anaconda grinned.

"You're punching _way_ above your weight class, little lady." The blonde Amazon remarked. As this was going down, Rock Python and Boomslang were facing off against Pietro and Storm Shadow.

"Hai!" Storm Shadow tossed a couple of shuriken at the Australian supervillain. He responded by tossing a pair of snake-themed boomerangs of his own. The projectiles collided with clinking noises, and they fell to the ground.

"You ain't the only one who can toss projectiles, mate!" Boomslang taunted.

"Indeed." Rock Python concurred, pulling a pair of blue eggs from his belt. "And we have many more where these came from."

"True, but I have something else." The ninja turned to Pietro. "Quicksilver, disarm these men."

"You got it, Stormy!" Pietro saluted jauntily with a big grin on his face. The young mutant then rushed towards the two snake-themed supervillains.

"Aw, hell!" Boomslang yelped.

"Calm down, Boomslang. I got this." Rock Python tossed one of his eggs at the ground. "When it comes to speedsters, you gotta be smart." When the egg hit the ground, it broke open, and a black viscous liquid poured out over the ground.

"What the-?!" Pietro thought out loud as he stepped on the liquid. "HEY!" The silver-haired speedster yelled as he found himself unable to move. "What is this stuff?!"

"Think the love child of superglue and tar." Rock Python smirked. "And this one..." He pulled out another egg. "Will give you a nice nap." He tossed the egg at Pietro.

 ** _Crack!_**

The egg cracked open on impact with Pietro's chest, releasing a green gas over the young mutant.

"Augh!" Pietro coughed and wheezed as he tried to wave the gas away. "Augh! Hack! This stuff smells nasty!" The speedster waved his arms around very quickly, dissipating the cloud. "Ha!" The speedster laughed. "Your stupid gas has..." His eyes felt heavy, and his speech started to slur. "No..." He swayed back and forth. "...effect...on...me..." He fell forward and started snoring.

Rock Python smirked. "The gas is a powerful anesthetic, boy. You'll be out for a while."

"Zzzzzzz..." Pietro snored.

"Looks like yer on yer own, you ninja galah!" Boomslang cackled. Storm Shadow smirked as the white-clad ninja brandished his sword.

"I have faced many threats as a Joe." Storm Shadow told the Australian. "You do not frighten me."

"Ooh, he's got a bit of bravado, doesn't he?" Boomslang snickered to Rock Python.

"Indeed." Rock Python nodded.

"All I have to do is get close." Storm Shadow growled.

"We got plenty of eggs and serpent-rangs." A smirking Rock Python told the ninja. Boomslang chuckled at Storm Shadow's sword.

"I got one of those, mate." Boomslang pulled out a rather large serpent-rang. "This one also doubles as a sword." Storm Shadow raised an eyebrow under his mask. Rock Python also revealed he had a melee weapon of his own: A purple-handled mace with a blue head, matching his costume.

"Ah, you have melee weapons." Storm Shadow noted. Rock Python sneered.

"You think we'd just have our projectile weapons? That's stupid."

"Yeah, mate!" Boomslang added. "Ya never know when we're going to need to fight someone up close and personal! Gotta be prepared!"

"It is smart, but how skilled are you with them?" Storm Shadow responded. Boomslang swung his sword.

"We're pretty good." The Australian answered.

"Let us show you!" Rock Python called out as he and Boomslang charged at the ninja. Cover Girl and Cottonmouth were facing.

"Don't move, snakeface." The ex-model warned the cybernetically-enhanced supervillain, pointing her rifle at him. The purple-clad man smirked.

"Cute gun." He complimented. Cover Girl's eyes narrowed.

"I will put you down with this if you move." She said simply. Cottonmouth laughed.

"I'm pretty fast, lady. And I also have another trick." He opened his mouth wide. Very wide. Cover Girl's eyes widened. Taking advantage of that brief moment of distraction, Cottonmouth struck. He bit down on her rifle and yanked it out of her hands. And to Cover Girl's shock, he _bit the rifle in half._

"My God..."

"Yuck." Cottomouth spat out the halves of the now-useless weapon. "The one thing I hate about that trick. Can't stand the taste of guns. The taste of metal and oil..."

 ** _ **Whock!**_**

Cover Girl hit the snake-themed villain with a hard roundhouse kick.

"Agh..." Cover Girl winced, rubbing her ankle. "That jaw made of granite?"

"Better." Cottonmouth grinned. He tapped his jaw. "Cybernetically enhanced. Solid titanium."

Sidewinder frowned at all of this. He turned to Viper, noticing he was standing in front of the Madbomb prototype, still arguing with Cobra Commander.

"Viper, maybe you can help us out here?" Sidewinder suggested.

Viper waved at Sidewinder. "Hang on a second!" He turned back to his phone. "Hey, let me remind you, Cobra Commander, _my_ organization put their butts on the line to get this thing! You know Puff Adder? Yes, the big guy. He nearly got shot in the butt! Get your butts down here! We got the Joes and those mutant kids of theirs on our asses!" He listened to Cobra Commander on the other end. "Yeah, we'll hold them off as long as we can. Just make sure you have the money." He put his phone away and watched the chaotic battle. "Looks like we had better step in."

"Yes." Sidewinder nodded in agreement. "We should."

 ** _ **Well, well, well! Looks like chaos has erupted! What insanity will happen next? Can our heroes stop Serpent Solutions? What will Viper and Sidewinder do? Will the Madbomb go off? Find out in the next chapter!**_**


	7. The Big Battle, Part 2!

**The Misfits V The Viper, Revamped!**

 **Disclaimer: "On your left!" -Steve Rogers, _Captain America: The Winter Soldier_**

 **Author's Note: Sorry this took so long, but I had this thing almost done, but the file got corrupted, and I had to start it all over again. It was...demoralizing. Enjoy!**

Chapter 7: The Big Battle, Part 2!

 **The junkyard**

A brawl had broken out in the junkyard. The Joes and the Misfits had engaged the members of Serpent Solutions in battle, observed by Viper and Sidewinder. The former ad-man looked at the device.

"Sidewinder, I know you think we should step in, but let's get this thing somewhere safe first." Viper explained. "Can't risk it getting hit by stray fire." Sidewinder opened his mouth to object, but decided against it.

"Good point." The two moved to the sides of the platform and moved it away from the fights, Viper pulling and Sidewinder pushing. One of the Serpents noticed this action.

"What the-?!" Anaconda blinked in confusion as she smacked Toad and Wavedancer away with one of her engorged arms. "Hey! The hell you two doing?!"

"We're making sure this thing doesn't get accidentally blown up!" Viper answered. "Hold them off until we find a safe place to put this thing!"

"Ah, I see. No problem, then!" Anaconda grinned. She turned to Toad and Wavedancer., the grin still plastered on her face. "No problem at all..."

"This is ridiculous! We can't use brute force against her!" Wavedancer grumbled. "We're going to have to get smart to take this big broad down!"

"I think we'll need a tank, yo! Well, a bunch of tanks..." Todd quipped.

"We have to figure out a way to YI!" Althea squealed as she dodged Anaconda's fist.

"Wavedancer! EEP!" Todd yelped as he dodged Anaconda's other fist.

"I'm gonna rock and sock you little punks!" Anaconda cackled.

"You'll have to actually _catch_ us first!" Althea taunted as she tossed some shuriken at Anaconda. The blonde powerhouse just blinked as they bounced off her armored suit. She raised an eyebrow in curiosity and amusement.

"Really?" She remarked. "Little ninja stars?"

"They're called _shuriken!_ " Todd exclaimed.

"That's fine." Althea smirked. She pulled out some more shuriken from her belt. "Those were standard ones. But these ones..." She looked at Todd, who smiled back at her.

"These ones you'll get a real kick out of!" Todd cracked as Althea pitched the shuriken. The small metal star-shaped projectiles flew through the air.

"Oh, really?" Anaconda smirked, crossing her arms. "What're they gonna do, bounce off me?"

"Wait for it." Althea answered. When the shuriken hit the Serpent Solutions member...

 _ **Boom! Boom!**_

The shuriken exploded, knocking Anaconda off her butt.

"Oof! The hell?!"

"Explosive shuriken." Althea smirked. "Never leave the base without them."

"Yeah, they're a little something that we can use if we need to blow something up in a hurry." Todd joked. Anaconda growled as she got to her feet.

"Oh, you two little brats think you're funny, huh? Let's see how funny you are after I run you down!" Anaconda roared as she charged the two young mutants. Todd and Althea whipped out their bo staffs and charged at the blonde woman.

"Hey, blondie!" Todd called out. "Let me give you some fresh makeup, yo!" He spat some slime, which hit Anaconda square in the eyes, making her scream.

"EWWW!" She screamed in outrage.

"And now for the coup-de-grace!" Althea threw a small glass vial onto the ground. The vial shattered, covering the ground in a blue substance. A charging and distracted Anaconda stepped on the substance, and started to slide.

"Whoaaaaaaa!" Anaconda exclaimed.

"Time to vault, Toad! Alley-oop!" Althea grinned.

"Oopsie daisy!" Todd whooped as he and Althea polevaulted over Anaconda, causing the snake woman to crash into a pile of junk. The two Misfits whooped and high-fived.

"Alright!" Todd and Althea yelloed out in a celebratory manner.

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA!" Paul yelped as he flipped and dodged

 _ **Clang! Clang!**_

The sounds of metal hitting metal rang out as Fer-de-Lance's blades collided with Lance and Spirit's knives.

"Come on, boys!" The Puerto Rican cackled. "How long do you think those fancy little butter knives of yours can hold up against my blades?"

"As long as they need to." Lance answered matter-of-factly.

"Our knives are _very_ well-made." Spirit added. The two looked at each other and then lashed out with their legs in unison, kicking Fer-de-Lance in the stomach. The woman grunted, but was sent back, giving the Joe and Misfit some much-needed breathing room.

"Grrr..." Fer-de-Lance growled in frustration. "You two punks really think you are hot stuff, huh?"

"We don't _think_ , snake-lady. We _know_." Lance taunted.

Fer-de-Lance sneered at the young mutant. "Okay, kiddo. I'm going to slice up that pretty face of yours real good." A laugh from Lance.

"Come and get it, lady!" Fer-de-Lance charged at Lance, only for him to deftly dodge and elbow her in the face.

"Agh!"

"You telegraph too muuuuuch..." Lance teased in a sing-song voice.

"I'll show you telegraphing, you little-!" Fer-de-Lance growled as and Avalanche started exchanging swipes, blocks, and slashes with their weapons. Lance glanced upwards and saw Spirit on top of a refrigerator, taking a stance like he was ready to leap on someone.

"By the way, snake lady..." Lance smirked at the girl. "Look up."

Fer-de-Lance scoffed. "Yeah, like I'm going to fall for that stupid-!"

"YAH!" Spirit took a leap.

"Huh?" Fer-de-Lance blinked and looked up. "Ungh!" Spirit jammed the end of his knives' handles into her shoulders, making her stagger. "HEY!" The Puerto Rican woman exclaimed as she got kicked in the stomach by the Native American Joe.

"You should keep your eyes on your enemies, Miss." Spirit mockingly advised. Fer-de-Lance growled.

"Alright, I'll eviscerate _you_ first, Joe!" Fer-de-Lance charged at Spirit, but the Joe was able to use a judo throw to toss her aside. "AGH!" She got up and charged them again. Lance and Spirit dodged, and...

 _ **CLANG!**_

"Hey, what?!" Fer-de-Lance exclaimed as her blades got lodged in a large piece of metal...and got stuck. "Oh, come on!" She tugged at her blades. "This is ridiculous!" Spirit looked up at the junkpile that Fer-de-Lance got her blades stuck in. The Joe nudged Lance and silently motioned to bring it down on her.

"No problem." Lance smirked. He then used his powers to make the junkpile shake.

"Huh? What the-?!" Fer-de-Lance blinked in confusion. She then noticed the junkpile shudder and shake. "Oh, you gotta be kidding me." The junkpile fell over, covering the woman in, well, junk. "AUGH!"

"I guess you could say...she got trashed." Lance joked. Spirit frowned.

"Really?"

Lance rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry, couldn't resist." Spirit chuckled amd patted his shoulder.

"CSI rubs off on you, son."

Puff Adder pounded at Shockwave's riot shield. Blob tackles him hard, sending him into a junkpile.

"Ha!" Puff Adder yelled as he punched at Shockwave's riot shield.

 _Keep punching, jackass. Keep punching._ The SWAT Joe smirked. _My riot shield is custom-made. And thanks to the vibranium in it, I don't feel your punches._

"What's the deal, man?!" Puff Adder exclaimed. "I should be breaking that stupid riot shield by now!"

"Custom-made." Shockwave explained. "Go ahead, keep punching. I don't even feel a thing."

"Oh, you're going to-"

"CHOO-CHOO!"

Puff Adder blinked at the strange voice. "Huh?"

"Pain train's _comiiiiiiing!_ " Fred Dukes whooped as he tackled Puff Adder, sending him flying into a junkpile.

"Nice job, kid!" Shockwave hi-fived Fred.

"Thanks!" Fred smiled. Puff Adder growled as he untangled himself from the junkpile.

"Funny, kid! Real funny!"

"I try." Fred smiled at the Serpent Solutions member.

"Let's see you tackle this then, kid!" Puff Adder spat blasts of acid at Fred. The mutant responded by dodging the acid with a agility belying someone of his size and girth. "Quick, ain't you?"

"I've been training to improve my speed and agility since joining the Joes." Fred shrugged. "I think I'm doing pretty good in that."

"Really, now..." Puff Adder picked up some junk. "Let's see how fast you really are!" He tossed various random items at Fred. However, the Texan powerhouse was able to dodge the items Puff Adder tossed at him.

"I don't see the point of this." Fred admitted. "Unless you're trying to express some repressed rage GUH!" Puff Adder blasted Fred in the face with some acid.

"BLOB!" Shockwave pulled out his gun. "You serpentine son of a-!" He fired his gun at Puff Adder,, but the bullets had no effect.

"Bulletproof costume." Puff Adder laughed mockingly. "Yer out of yer league here."

"That jaw is still exposed, snakehead."

"Excuse me..." Fred tapped Puff Adder's shoulder. The blinking powerhouse turned around.

"What the-?" Puff Adder blinked in disbelief when he saw that Fred's face was completely undamaged.

"Your acid tickled."

Puff Adder was caught completely agape. "God, kid! The hell you made of?!"

"Um...skin? Bones? And if you believe Quicksilver, whale blubber." Fred then smiled. "Your acid trick is neat. Want to see mine?"

 _Oh, I think I know where this is going..._ Shockwave smirked.

"Okay, kid." Puff Adder smirked. "What's your trick?"

The Blob nailed Puff Adder with a mighty uppercut, sending the large man flying across the junkyard. He then landed in a pile of junk, embracing sweet unconsciousness.

"Wow." Shockwave blinked. He had heard stories and even witnessed some of the Blob's feats of strength, but it still amazed the Joe. "I gotta admit, Blob...that was something else."

"We all have our talents." Fred smiled at Shockwave. "And that was mine."

"Remind me to never make you mad, kiddo." The former SWAT man chuckled.

 _ **Clang! Kling! Clang!**_

Boomslang and Storm Shadow's swords clashed and collided. The blades danced in the air as the Joe ninja and Serpent Solutions member tried to slice each other's flesh.

"You are quite a talented swordsman." Storm Shadow complimented.

"Thanks!" Boomslang grinned. The white-clad ninja heard a roar, and dodged Rock Python's mace swing. The Joe ninja elbowed the mace-wielder in the face. Boomslang tried to take advantage of Storm Shadow's attack to plunge his sword into the Joe's shoulder, but the white-clad ninja was able to dodge it and punch Boomslang in the face. Storm Shadow then quickly glanced over at Pietro. Was the young mutant...stirring? He then stepped back and threw down a small white capsule. It shattered, releasing a white mist. Boomslang and Rock Python coughed as the waved the mist away...only to find that Storm Shadow had vanished.

"Where'd he go?" Rock Python blinked.

"Aw, bloody hell!" Boomslang grunted. "He used that stinkin' ninja vanishing trick!" Tightening his grip on his sword, he pulled out one of his snakearangs.

"I thought that was just something for those old ninja movies from the 80s." Rock Python blinked in confusion.

"Evidently not, mate." Boomslang frowned. "We gotta find that little son of a...oi! Python!" He nudged Rock Python. "You knocked the kid out, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"He's gone." Boomslang pointed at the blob of tar that had restrained Pietro. True to the Australian's observation, the blob of tar only had Pietro's boots in it. Rock Python's jaw dropped.

"Okay, where'd _he_ go?!" Rock Python gaped. "The ninja couldn't have gotten far! The knockout gas in my eggs can put a man to sleep for about two hours!"

"Yeah, that gas was not going to last very long on me." A voice taunted. The two Serpents turned around and saw a grinning Pietro waving at them. "Hi."

"How? How did-?" Rock Python stammered in shock.

"Super-fast metabolism." Pietro shrugged. "Comes with my speed. Drugs and things tend to not affect me as long as it does others." Rock Python growled and pulled out a pair of eggs from a hidden compartment on his costume.

"Very well." Rock Python nodded. "I'll just give you double the dose-!"

 _ **FWOOSH!**_

Before either Serpent could react, Pietro zipped around them and stripped them of their weapons.

"Sorry, fellas..." Pietro teased with a smirk, tossing a snakearang casually over his shoulder. "But you just lost your playtime privileges."

"Blasted bloody speedster!" Boomslang snarled. "Why I oughta-!" He got turned around by Storm Shadow, who downed him with a roundhouse. Rock Python moved to attack Storm Shadow, but Pietro downed him with a super-fast punch to the jaw.

"Nice work, Quicksilver." Storm Shadow complimented.

"Yeah, thanks." Pietro nodded. He frowned at the pile of tar with his boots in it. "Those serpent jerks ruined my boots." He walked over to the pile of tar and tried to get his boots out.

"Worry about them later, Quicksilver." Storm Shadow told the speedster. Pietro sighed.

"Alright." He took a last forlorn look at his boots. "I have avenged you, boys. You served me well." The ninja rolled his eyes.

"Only you would act like this over a pair of boots."

"Hey, I liked those boots!" Pietro exclaimed. Storm Shadow rolled his eyes again.

 _Not surprising. Not surprising at all._ The ninja thought to himself. Meanwhile, as the ninja and the speedster had fought the two projectile-slinging serpents, Cover Girl found herself facing off against Cottonmouth.

"Too bad my bare hands can't break that jaw of yours." The former model glared at the Serpent Solutions member. Cottonmouth smirked.

"Lucky for me, I guess." He heard a clicking noise. "What the-?" The Alabaman turned around and his eyes widened at what he saw. It was Roadblock armed with his heavy machine gun. Next to him stood Xi, who had a look of disgust on his face towards Cottonmouth, holding up some shuriken. "Oh yeah, you two."

"Hello, Cottomouth." Roadblock greeted. "You and your serpent friends' plans have just gone south." Xi smiled at Cover Girl.

"You need any help, Cover Girl?" The artificial lifeform asked.

"Yeah, I have friends." Cover Girl smirked at Cottonmouth. She then smiled at Roadblock and Xi. "Appreciate it, boys. I hope you guys got an extra weapon for me."

"You soldiers and your dime-store Lizard don't scare me." Cottonmouth sneered.

"No, but this should." Roadblock fired his gun and Xi tossed his shuriken at the purple-clad supervillain. Cottonmouth fled from the searing salvo.

"Guess it did." Cover Girl remarked jokingly.

"We had better find him." Xi reminded grimly. "Who knows what he may get up to?"

"Indeed." Cover Girl nodded. "Be careful, guys. His jaw is cybernetically enhanced. It's strong enough to bite my rifle clean in half."

"Makes sense." Xi nodded. "Cottonmouths are known for their bite."

"Let's just hope this guy's bite isn't venomous." Cover Girl added with concern. Meanwhile, Cottonmouth had fled behind a junkpile.

 _What to do?_ The Alabama native thought. _I'll have to try to pick them off, one by one._ He noticed Roadblock nearby, looking around intently, his machine gun ready to fire. Cottonmouth smirked. _Perfect. I'll take out the big guy first. Then the woman and that snake freak. Okay, maybe I can convince the snake kid to leave his soldier pals and join up with us._ Unaware of Cottonmouth's ambush attempt, Roadblock continued looking around.

"Where is that snake?" The heavy weaponeer/expert chef mumbled to himself. "Not much more of his antics can I take."

"Here I am, soldier boy!" Cottonmouth leapt at the Joe. Before Roadblock could turn his gun to him, Cottonmouth was able to bite down on the barrel with his cybernetically-enhanced jaw. The metal made a sickening whine as the Serpent Society member's closing jaw crushed the barrel of the heavy machine gun, rendering it useless. "Not so tough without your big gun now, are you?"

"You forget something, son." Roadblock tossed aside his gun. "A Joe does not need a weapon, a Joe _is_ a weapon."

"Oh, that's cute." Cottonmouth laughed. "What do you think this is? An 80s action flick?"

"Nope." Roadblock grinned smugly. "And a Joe always has backup, you dope."

"Huh?" Cottonmouth blinked. "Oof!" He felt a leg kick him hard in the stomach. He then felt a kick in his throat, knocking him back into a junkpile. Cottonmouth wheezed and hacked as he got his breath back. "Ugh...the hell?" Xi made himself visible. "What are you?"

"I am an artificial lifeform created as a Cobra soldier." Xi answered matter-of-factly. Cottonmouth blinked.

"...seriously? OOF!" He found himself getting smacked by a pole, wielded by Cover Girl.

"Come on, big mouth." The tank driver taunted. "Come and get you some!"

"Lady, I'm going to bite that pole in half, and beat you with it!"

Cover Girl beats Cottonmouth by making him bite a metal pole in half and then smacking him with the halves. "Good thing the rest of your skull wasn't as tough as that jaw."

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA!" Paul yelped as he flipped and dodged Coachwhip's whips. "Not cool, lady! Not cool!"

"You can't keep up the gymnastics forever, kiddo!" Coachwhip laughed. "I'll hit you sooner or later!"

"I don't have to worry about that." Paul grinned in response. "I have backup."

"Oh, really? Who, your little idiot friends?" Coachwhip laughed.

"Yeah, us." Craig Starr growled. Coachwhip turned around and sent out one of her lashes at Craig and Wanda. The two young mutants manged to dodge out of the way.

"I've had enough of this witch and her antics!" Craig growled in frustration, his star-covered eye glowing a hot angry purple. "Wanda, try to hex up her whips more!"

"Darkstar, I haven't been standing around whistling Dixie!" Wanda countered. "She's a nimble little pain in the neck."

"No kidding." Craig grumbled. "Well, if your hexbolts can't hit it, maybe my laser can!"

"Worth a try." Paul encouraged.

"Let's blitz her!" Wanda commanded. The three young mutants got to work, Wanda pitching hexbolts, and Paul and Craig firing their eye lasers. "She can't dodge all of this!"

"Hey whoa whoa whoa WAH!" Coachwhip exclaimed as she tried to flip and dodge her way out of the various energy assaults. "No fair! That's not fair!"

"You want it to be fair?!" Craig snapped. "Then do us all a favor and hold still so we can put some holes in you!"

"Uh, bro?" Paul reminded. "The Joes don't really like us putting holes in people."

"Buncha pansies." Craig mocked. The three continued their assault on Coachwhip.

 _Stupid kids!_ Coachwhip mentally growled in frustration as she dodged a laser blast from Craig, but then ducked a hexbolt from Wanda. _I gotta get my whips electrified again! That blasted witch girl did something to them, and the power cut out!_ She shook her whips as she tried to keep herself safe from the energy attacks, trying to get the electricity going. _Come on! I need some juice to take the se little punks to Pain Town, come on!_

 _ **Frazzz!**_

The whips crackled as electricity arced up and down them once more. Coachwhip grinned in trumph. _Yes! Whatever that girl did to them must've wore off!_

Paul's eyes widened. "Uh, Wanda? I think your hex wore off!"

"That's right, little man!" Coachwhip cackled. "And I've got a shocking response to your little lightshow! YAH!" The blonde's cackle continued as she cracked her recharged whips, the whips firing blasts of electrical power at the young mutants.

"Whoa!" Paul yelped.

"Look out!" Wanda exclaimed as the three dodged the bolts of electrical power.

"How do you like that?!" Coachwhip mocked as she kept cracking her whips. "How you like that?! How you like that?! How?! You?! Like?! That?! Not so fun when you're on the receiving end, huh?!"

"Yi yi yi yi yi YI!" Paul yelped as he flipped out of the way of a lightning bolt. "I gotta give this lady credit! She's got an electrifying presence!"

"Well, ain't that nice of you to say?" Coachwhip grinned. "But I'm still gonna give you an electrical spanking!"

"We gotta find a way to beat this snake!" Wanda exclaimed.

"We could blind her, but those stupid glasses she wears protect her eyes." Craig remarked. Wanda then was stuck by some inspiration as she watched Paul dodge Coachwhip.

"Darkstar, maybe if we can get those glasses off her, you and Paul can blind her."

"Okay Witchy, how do you plan to get the glasses off her?"

"You and Paul distract her." Wanda ordered. Craig rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, sure. But how're we gonna do that?"

Wanda picked up a small grey rock she had noticed."This little witch has just the spell for it." Wanda smirked. "Just help your brother distract her."

"This little 'spell' of yours had better work!" Craig warned as he raced to help his twin brother. His eye glowed and he fired his laser, hitting close to Coachwhip's feet.

"Hey! Watch it, you little brat!" The blonde shouted.

"Oh, thank God..." Paul wiped some sweat off his brow, panting in relief.

"Starchild, give me a hand here!" Craig snapped.

Paul nodded. "Right!" He fired his own laser at the ground near Coachwhip's feet.

"Hey!" Coachwhip exclaimed. "The hell you doing?!"

"Making you dance!" Craig responded. "Start steppin'!" The Starr brothers fired their eye lasers at the ground near Coachwhip's feet, making the blonde yelp and jump.

"She's quite a dancer, brother." Paul joked with a smile.

"Blasting now, joking later!"

"Hey Whips!" Wanda taunted. She charged the rock with hex energy. "Catch!" She pitched the rock. The small rock flew and exploded when it got close to her face, covering her glasses with dust.

"Hey!" Coachwhip exclaimed as she took off her glasses.

"NOW!" Craig yelled at Paul. The twins' star-covered eyes flashed with bright purple light.

"AAAAGH!" Coachwhip screamed as she covered her eyes. "MY EYES! YOU LITTLE PUNKS!"

"Disable the whips!" Craig yelled at Wanda. Wanda pitched another hexbolt, causing the hips to short out again. Paul and Craig fired lasers that cut the whips off. The Starrs then ran up and dropkicked Coachwhip. The Serpent Solutions member fell on her back.

"Oof! Ungh...my glasses...need my glasses..." The blonde moaned as she tried to get up, only to get knocked cold by Wanda with a kick to the face.

"Nice one, Witch!" Paul whooped, holding up his hand for a high-five. Wanda chuckled and hi-fived Paul. "Alright!" Craig watched Paul celebrate, then looked at Wanda.

"You...you alright?" Craig asked, a little trepidated, and a slight blush on his cheeks. _Please God, don't let Paul see this..._

"I'm good." Wanda nodded. She noted Craig's blush with amusement. "Excited for our date?" Craig's blush brightened, and he started muttering, making Wanda laugh. Oblivious to the battles' results, Viper and Sidewinder finally found a place to safely stash the Madbomb.

"There we go." Viper and Sidewinder put down the Madbomb prototype. "It should be safe here."

"Let's hope so." Sidewinder nodded. "We can't afford to get this thing damaged."

"Well, it's well out of the way, so it should be fine." Viper nodded. "Let's go give the others a hand. I got some nasty new poisons I whipped up just..." The two snakes then realized the Joes and Misfits had them surrounded. "...for...them...wonderful."

"You have lost, Viper. Give it up." Spirit ordered.

"We beat up all your little friends, yo!" Todd chuckled. "It was fun!"

"Come along peacefully, Viper." Shockwave ordered firmly, pointing his gun at Viper. "Your friends are all in Dreamland, and you can't fight all of us."

"Or you can give us an excuse to beat you down." Craig smirked, punching his palm. "Personally, I'm hoping you guys do give us one."

"Aw, hell..." Viper groaned.

"What do we do?" Sidewinder asked. Viper looked around at the group. "I don't think we can take them all by ourselves."

"Yeah, I agree." Viper sighed. "This is a bust. We gotta get out of here. Sidewinder, you know what to do." _Cobra Commander's not going to be happy, but we gotta cut our losses._

Sidewinder nodded in understanding. "Right." He wrapped his cloak around himself and Viper and they vanished in a flash of light.

"Hey!" Cover Girl exclaimed. "Quicksilver, check the others! Make sure he-!"

"Way ahead of you, CG!" The silver-haired speedster zipped away to check on the other knocked out Serpents. Unfortunately, they had all vanished too, much to the speedster's aggravation. He zipped back to the others.

"Well?" Shockwave asked. Pietro shook silently, but then he threw his hands up in the air.

"Dammit!" Pietro exclaimed. "Dammit, dammit, dammit!" He stomped the ground in frustration. "That snake must've teleported his friends out! How was he that fast!?"

"Calm down, Quickie." Lance sighed. "Nothing you can do about it."

"I don't get it!" Pietro exclaimed. "No one can out-race me! How the hell did they-! GAHH!"

"He seriously needs Ritalin. Or electroshock therapy." Craig remarked to Wanda.

"Tell me about it." Wanda rolled her eyes. "By the way, Craig, you looking forward to our date?" Craig quickly sputtered and blushed, making her laugh.

"I feel bad for that poor guy, having to date Wanda." Lance whispered to Paul, who shot him a frown.

"Be nice." Paul lightly shoved Lance. "I don't think he'd complain that much."

"Must've been using some really advanced tech." Spirit deduced.

"Shame that my crazy sisters aren't here." Althea shook her head. "They'd know some technobabble that would explain this."

"Well, at least they didn't manage to get away with this thing." Cover Girl looked over the prototype. She noticed a certain eagle logo emblazoned on a panel. "SHIELD."

"Then I'll get them on the horn." Roadblock activated his Joe-Com. "They'll make those snakes wish they were never born."

 **A Cobra Base, location unknown**

"Dammit!" Cobra Commander roared, smacking a keyboard in frustration. In his rage, he failed to notice Destro walking up behind him. "Dammit, dammit, dammit!"

"I take it the Serpents failed to deliver the prototype?" Destro deduced.

"Yes!" Cobra Commander grumbled. "Those worthless fools failed."

"A shame, but not a complete loss." Destro shrugged. "We would eventually figure out how to build one. Examining the prototype would've allowed us to do it faster, but it still can be done."

"We wouldn't have had this problem if those damned Joes weren't tipped off!" Cobra Commander exclaimed. "Did you find out who was the traitor?"

"Unfortunately, I have not." Destro explained. Cobra Commander clenched his fists and shook with rage.

"You are telling me you don't know who leaked the plan?!" Cobra Commander growled dangerously. "The Joes and their pet Misfits foiling us at every turn was no accident, Destro! One would have to be an _idiot_ not to see that! Unless..." He marched up to Destro and got into the Scotsman's metal-covered face. " _You_ leaked it."

Destro scoffed. "Me? Hardly."

"Would make sense." Cobra Commander countered. " _I_ sure as hell didn't tell the Joes! And you _did_ say no one else leaked it..."

"Commander..." Destro sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why would _I_ sabotage an operation that would've gotten us something I wanted?"

"You said it yourself, your company still could've developed the weapon! You didn't technically _need_ the prototype!"

"Yes, but having the prototype would've made developing an actual working weapon a lot easier." Destro countered. "A lot of work would've been done for us already!"

"Well, how did the Joes know about the drop, then?!"

"I don't know! Maybe it was a coincidence?" Destro offered.

"YOU CALL THIS A GIGANTIC COINCIDENCE?!" Cobra Commander roared.

"Stranger things have happened."

Cobra Commander took a moment to think about what Destro had just said. "...You know Destro, I would not be surprised if you ended up correct on that. You do have a point."

"Exactly." Destro nodded. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to inform my engineers at MARS. They'll be dreadfully disappointed. They were eager to obtain the prototype."

"I'm sure they were." Cobra Commander remarked. "We can always try again. Just next time, we'll do it ourselves, and not outsource the job."

 **The Pit**

In a flash of light, the group of heroic Joes and Misfits arrived back at the Pit.

"Thanks for helping us out, Shockwave." Spirit said.

"No problem." Shockwave smiled under his mask. He tapped his shield. "This shield really held up against that big snake guy. I'll have to thank those triplets again when I see them next."

"They knew you'd love it." Althea smiled at the former SWAT man. "They should be back soon. That's if Dad didn't get himself kicked off the Helicarrier..."

"You think he may have somehow managed to get Nick Fury drunk?" Todd asked with a cheeky grin. Althea chuckled.

"That would be quite a sight, Toddles." Althea agreed. Wanda had glanced at Craig.

"You excited for our big date tonight?" The hexcaster asked. Craig blushed and pulled up the lapels of his jacket. Paul chuckled.

"Oh, he's thrilled!" Paul said. "He just can't wait."

"...shut up, Paul." Craig grumbled. He noticed General Hawk walking towards the heroes. _Oh thank God._ Unusually, the general had a rather sheepish look on his face.

"General Hawk, what's going on?" Cover Girl asked.

"I...take it you all took care of the Viper?"

"Yes, sir." Shockwave answered. "He and Serpent Solutions have been taken care of, and SHIELD has back their prototype."

"That's great." Hawk nodded. "About that, however..." He rubbed the back of his head nervously.

Althea cocked her head and blinked in confusion. "General, are you alright? I've never seen you like this before."

"Well, those messages we got from the Viper...we made a mistake."

"...mistake?" Spirit blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Yeah, we wrecked Cobra everywhere we went!" Todd exclaimed.

"Well, it turns out that the notes weren't from anyone called Viper." Hawk sighed. "Come on over, sir." A smiling man walked up to the group. He had silver hair, a bushy mustache, and was wearing a beige jumpsuit and cap. He was carrying a squeegee with a long handle and a bucket.

"Who is that?" Pietro asked.

"I am the Viper!" The man answered, his voice showing a Scandinavian accent. "I wipe the vindows!"

Storm Shadow's jaw dropped under his mask. "...what?"

"Yeah." Hawk nodded. "Turns out Dial-Tone failed to indicate the window wiper's accent. Although to be fair, that was my fault, too. I should have asked."

"So...let me guess this straight." Pietro mumbled in exasperation. "We kicked Cobra's ass a bunch of times... _coincidentally?!_ " He faceplanted like an anime character.

"That's our Pietro, ever dramatic." Lance rolled his eyes.

"I'm just looking forward to going to my room and taking a nap." Craig grumbled as he walked away.

"Don't nap too long, bro! You still have a date with Wanda!" Paul called out.

"Shut up, Paul."

 _ **Well, well, well! Looks like our heroes rather unintentionally saved the day, and now here's one final loose end to tie up: Craig and Wanda's big date! What insanity will happen during the date? Find out in the next chapter!**_


	8. The Date From a Challenge!

**The Misfits vs. The Viper**

 **Disclaimer: "I'm sorry Judge, but I found Jesus!" - Early Cuyler, _Squidbillies_**

Chapter 8: The Date From a Challenge!

 **The Pit**

Paul and Craig Starr, aka Starchild and Darkstar were sitting on a couch in the home of the GI Joe codenamed Recondo. The boys were watching television. Paul had a bowl of popcorn on his lap, and a bottle of soda on the coffee table. Craig was leaning against the arm of the couch, his arm propping up his chin.

"Enjoy your nap, bro?" Paul inquired. Craig shrugged.

"A little."

"That's good." Paul nodded. "This movie is really good."

"I'm sure it is." Craig shrugged.

" _Coming up next: NYPD Blue!_ " The announcer revealed. Craig perked up.

"Oh, good. Hope it's one of the episodes with Sipowicz." The former gang member said. Paul smiled.

"You like the character, huh?"

"He's one of the reasons why I like the show." Craig explained. "You could say I see something of myself in him."

"But you weren't a racist homophobe." Paul reminded.

"Not that, Paul." Craig shook his head. "I kind of...I dunno, I'm not sure."

"I think I know." Paul suggested. "Sipowicz was a rabid wild cop, but then got a chance to turn his life around, and he did so. Kind of like you. Well, without the being a racist homophobe."

"Yeah, pretty much." Craig shrugged. "...don't go telling anyone, huh?" Paul chuckled.

"Yeah, sure." He shot a teasing grin at his twin brother. "Big Bad Craig has to keep up his rep of being a big ol' macho man." Craig rolled his eyes.

"Ah, shaddap." Craig lightly pushed his brother. Paul laughed and picked up a tablet that was lying next to him. He activated the e-mail app, and started reading some e-mails. He smiled at some of the e-mails the female members of the X-Men had sent him.

"Hey, Craig! Check out this letter!" Paul held out the tablet. Rolling his eyes, Craig took the tablet and read it in a disinterested manner.

"Huh." He piped up. "Cyclops must think up a more original way to kill you besides blasting you with those fancy eye beams of his." He continued on. "Now, in Remy's case, I must give him points for originality. I never thought anyone could do that with a rubber chicken and a tractor."

"Yeah." Paul shrugged. "The guys really don't like me for some reason." He tapped the screen. "Anyway, check out this letter Tabby sent." Craig rolled his eyes.

"And it's Tabitha 'Boom-Boom' Smith with a big ol' fangirl rant." Craig handed the tablet back to Paul. "Seriously, brother. The hell is it about you that makes those X-Women go utterly crazy?"

"Don't look at me. I wish I knew."

"Good thing, because every cologne company on the planet would want you so they can bottle it. You gonna write a response?"

"Of course. It'd be rude not to."

"And knowing you, it would be the usual stuff: how you're doing, how stuff is going, blah blah blah." Craig smirked.

"Hey, that's not a bad thing." Paul looked at the time on the corner of the screen. "You better get into that penguin suit, bro. It's almost date time."

"Yeah, yeah..." Craig sighed. He put on a pair of earbuds and started listening to music. Paul stared at Craig for a couple minutes and sighed.

"You don't wanna do this, do you?"

"What?" Craig took off his headphones. "Huh?"

"You don't wanna go out on this date with Wanda, huh?" Paul shook his head and sighed. "I don't see why you're being so silly about it. You really like Wanda. I think you'd be thrilled to take her out on a date." Craig grunted.

"It's not _that_ , Paul." Craig explained. "It's not that I'm not excited to go out on a date with Wanda. It's just...ah..."

"She hurt your pride by kicking your butt at pool." Paul deduced with his own smirk. Craig put his face in his hands. "It's not the end of the world, man."

"Yeah, I know." Craig grunted, crossing his arms. "Still stings, though."

"Ahhh, don't worry about it, bro." Paul reassured with a wave. "Think on the positive. You get to have a meal with a girl you like."

"...I suppose."

"Got a date, huh?" Craig turned his head and saw a smiling Recondo.

"Yup!" Paul nodded. "His first date. I'm so proud."

"It's nothing. I lost a bet with Wanda and I just have to go out with her. It's not a big deal." Something then occurred to him. "Oh, God. What if the others decide to spy on me like Todd and Althea's?"

Recondo frowned and crossed his arms. "You'd think they'd learn their lesson from last time."

"Hey, I'd never spy on you, bro."

"I know _you_ won't, Paul. But I can't trust those other nimrods not to do it."

"How about I talk to the other handlers, and they make sure that the others leave you two alone?" Recondo offered.

"Oh, uh...thanks. Thanks, Recondo." Craig nodded.

"Hey, uh, if you need any advice, I can give you some pointers, Craig." Recondo continued.

"Uh thanks, but I got it. I'd better get this over with." Craig got off the couch and headed upstairs. "Paul, where'd you leave my suit for this thing?"

"It's in your room, laid out on your bed." Paul answered loudly. Recondo took a seat next to Paul on the couch.

"You watching something, Paul?"

"Go ahead and change the channel. My movie's over." Paul nodded. Recondo put on a hunting show, while Paul was looking at something on his tablet.

"You know your brother a lot better than I do. How do you think he'll do."

"I think he'll do fine." Paul answered confidently. "Craig really likes Wanda. I think he'll try his best to have a good time."

Recondo chuckled in agreement. "I think so too, Paul. Many boys will move a planet for a pretty girl."

"Yup." Paul nodded. He heard a scream coming from upstairs. "That's Craig. I'd better see what's up." The young mutant got up from his seat and went upstairs. He walked up to a door. The door was plain, painted white. However, it had a couple of wooden planks nailed on it, and the words "Craig's Room. Enter and Die", spray-painted on them. Paul knocked on the door. "Hey, bro. Got a problem?"

"Yeah, come in!" Craig answered. Paul opened up the room and looked around.

The young mutant's room was decorated to have...his unique taste. The walls were painted like a brick wall, with spots of colorful graffiti here and there. One corner had an amplifier with Craig's favorite bass guitar, a bass shaped like an axe a la Gene Simmons, on a stand next to it. Next to the amp was a bed, which was neatly made. Across the bed on one side of the door was a dresser.

Next to the door was a bookshelf, which had various books, DVDs, and action figures in the shelves. Across from the door was a desk with a computer on it, and a lamp.

Craig was grumbling as he was standing in front of a full-body mirror. Paul smiled.

 _He'll never admit it, but even he needs help with things sometimes._ He thought as Craig turned his head.

"Over here." Craig motioned with his head. Paul walked in and closed the door.

"Having some trouble, bro?" Paul asked. Craig turned around. "You look good."

"Yeah, yeah." Craig fumbled with the bowtie, but he couldn't tie it. "Of all the lousy…grr!" Craig threw the black tie on the ground. "Stupid tie!" He stared down at it with a glowing eye. "How the hell do you work that thing?!" Shaking his head, Paul picked up the tie before Craig could blast it.

"I got this. I've had to do fancy dress stuff before." Paul showed Craig how it was done by explaining it as he tied it. "Okay! Let's see how you look." Paul turned Darkstar to the mirror. He then decided a Billy Crystal impersonation was in order: "You look marvelous!"

" _Must_ you do that?" Craig sighed. Paul grinned.

"We all have our talents." Craig rolled his eyes at his brother's response. He then drooped his head.

"Where can I take Wanda? I've never been on a date before."

"No one wanted to date you." Paul quipped with a laugh. Craig shot him a glare in return. "Relax, bro. I did some checking around with Flint's help. He said that there was this really nice restaurant where he took Lady Jaye one time. It's right near here. Check it out!" Paul handed a brochure Flint gave him to Craig. Darkstar reluctantly took the offered item.

"I dunno, man..." Craig read through the brochure. "This is nuts! I don't even speak French! I don't even like _half_ the stuff they call food!" He then glared at a snickering Starchild. "What's so funny?! You wouldn't be laughing if our positions were reversed, pal!"

"C'mon Craig…" Paul put his arm around his brother's shoulder. "I just wanted your first date to be memorable. And look at it like this. It's Wanda's first date as well. She probably is just as nervous as you are. It'll give you two something to talk about."

"Yeah, yeah. How will I get her to this restaurant?"

"Use your Starcycle, bro. She can borrow my helmet." Paul grinned.

"Oh yeah, right. Those custom motorcycles we got." Craig remembered. He thought they were kind of silly at first, but he found himself growing on his own custom motorcycle. He looked at himself in the mirror. "No turning back now, I guess."

"You'll be fine." Paul waved it off. "Oh, wait!" He pulled out a comb and a black hair tie from his jacket.

"Paul, the hell you doing-!"

"Making you look presentable!" Paul answered. He combed Craig's hair, and used the tie to pull the former gang member's hair into a ponytail. "There we go! Let's go! A lovely witch is waiting..." Craig sighed and left the room, Paul right behind him. The twins walked down the stairs, to see Recondo waiting for him. Standing alongside him was the Joe ninja Jinx.

"Lookin' good, kid!" Recondo complimented, giving the thumbs up.

"You look so handsome in a tux, Darkstar." Jinx remarked. "I'm sure Wanda will, too."

"Uhgn..." Craig grimaced uncomfortably, showing he was clearly rather uncomfortable with the attention he was getting. "Yeah...thanks." He heard a click, and glared at Recondo. The jungle trooper was smiling wide and looking at his phone.

"Sorry, kid. I just _had_ to get a picture of this. Never know when I'll see this again."

"Send it me, would you?" Jinx asked.

"Sure."

"You're a riot, Recondo." Craig grumbled. "At least the picture will last longer." He heard another click, and whipped his head around at Paul.

"Sorry bro, but Recondo has a point." Paul snickered, holding up his own phone. Craig grumbled.

"You excited about your first date, son?" Recondo asked.

"I...guess..." Craig rubbed the back of his head.

"Seriously Craig, you do look very handsome." Jinx smiled at the young mutant. "I'm sure Wanda will be floored when she sees you." She then put on an amused smile and put her finger on her chin in thought. "You know, there is this restaurant I know about in Japan. I'd love to take Logan there, if only to see him in a tux. I bet he looks very handsome in one."

"Here, he can borrow mine." Craig all too happily started to take off his jacket, but Paul stopped him and pushed it back on him.

"Nope!" Paul shook his head. "You gotta keep that on, pal." Paul decided to have a little laugh by impersonating Robin Leach: "Tonight on Clothes of the Mutated and Bad-Tempered, we have the foul-mooded Craig Allman Starr clad in a tux that screams street attitude and debonair style."

"Okay Robin, we get the point." Craig grumbled. He then sighed. _Well, at least if Wanda likes it, it won't be so bad..._

 _She'll drool in the delight at the sight of you._ Paul quipped telepathically.

" _Paul!_ " Darkstar snapped, glaring at his brother with his eye glowing hotly. "I told you! I don't like it when you're in my head!"

"Sorry, bro." Paul held up his hands in a peaceful gesture. "Just wanted to give you some reassurance." He glanced at his watch. "Anyway, it's almost time. Get your cycle, bro. Wanda's waitin'." Paul laughed.

"Yeah, yeah..." Craig grumbled as he left the house.

"Have a good time!" Recondo called.

"Don't you two get too frisky now!" Jinx waved.

"Yeah, yeah!" Craig waved it off. "That coming from a woman who made out with Wolverine in a closet." He added under his breath.

Craig walked over to the motorpool, the place where the Joes held many of their vehicles. Craig eyed a beautiful black motorcycle parked in front of the house. It was based on the Harley Davidson Electra Glide model, predominantely black in color with dark purple highlights and silver chrome. Amusingly, the front light was shaped like a 5-pointed star, and the word "Darkstar" was painted on the sides of the gas tank. The former gang member sat on the motorcycle, and put on a black helmet.

The helmet itself was decorated with a purple stripe running along the center from front to back, and a white line running in the center of the purple stripe. The helmet had a silver-bordered 5-pointed star on each side of it. Craig looked to his right and saw an identical bike and helmet on the seat, only the purple and black were reversed, and the word "Starchild" was painted on the gas tank's sides. That was Paul's Starcycle.

 _Paul won't mind me borrowing his helmet. He_ _ **did**_ _say to use it..._ Craig took the purple helmet and rode slowly out of the motor pool. He them rode his bike to the Misfit Manor. To his surprise, he saw a grinning Todd and Althea at the door.

"Looking good, Craig!" Althea grinned, giving the thumbs-up as Craig got off his Starcycle and removed his helmet.

"Hey, you're like James Bond, yo! If he was a punk from LA." Todd joked.

"Be nice, Toddles." Althea playfully chided.

"Funny guy, Frog. You're a funny guy." Craig rolled his eyes. "Where's Wanda? I wanna get this over with."

"She's inside, getting ready." Todd explained, jerking his thumb at the house.

"I'll let her know you're here." Althea smiled and walked inside. "She's going to be so excited!" Craig and Todd watched Althea. The amphibious mutant snickered at Craig.

"Hey, cheer up, man." Toad playfully nudged Craig with his elbow. "You look like a moody penguin."

"I've had my fill of penguins today." Craig grumbled, remembering the strange conversation earlier that day as he walked inside. He then saw Althea rush down the stairs excitedly.

"Ta-da!" Althea made a dramatic motion at the stairs, and Wanda slowly walked down after her. Craig's eyes widened and jaw dropped at the sight of her. Wanda's hair was done up, and she had on a bright red dress with matching shoes. The dress was sleeveless and slits going up to midway up the upper legs. She had on long red gloves which reached halfway up her upper arms. Craig's jaw dropped under his helmet, and he started blushing.

"Ah...um...a-buh-buh...wow." Craig stammered. Wanda blushed slightly.

"Uh, thanks." The hexcaster smiled, her cheeks still a little red. She heard a click, and gave a smiling Althea the side-eye. The aquakinetic was holding a her phone.

"Sorry." Althea apologized. "It's just how often do I get to see you wearing a dress and blushing like a bride?"

"You're lucky I like you." Wanda grumbled. Todd smirked at Craig.

"Got you by surprise, huh?" Todd started to laugh.

"Uhm...yeah. Yeah." Craig mumbled, rubbing the back of his head nervously.

"I had a feeling Craig would get his socks knocked off." Althea grinned, putting a hand on Wanda's shoulder. Wanda looked at Craig rather shyly.

"You look handsome, Craig." Wanda complimented.

"Uh, thanks." Craig answered. "And you look rather...pretty." Althea and Todd watched this with smiles on their faces.

"It's a Kodak moment." Althea remarked.

"Yup." Todd nodded. Wanda and Craig glanced at the two.

"...we should get going. We're going to be late." Wanda suggested.

"Yeah." Craig agreed. "We can take my bike there."

"Have fun, you two." Althea called out as Wanda and Craig left the house. The two walked towards Craig's Starcycle. The two put on the helmets and Craig revved up the custom motorcycle.

"Hold on tight, Wanda." Craig told the hexcaster. She nodded and wrapped her arms around Craig's waist, making the former gang member blush. _Oh man..._

"Don't you two get too frisky!" Todd joked. Craig flipped Todd off, and then he rode off. Unbeknownst to the two young mutants, Pietro was watching them intently from a window. Lance walked into the room.

"What's up, man?" The earthshaker asked the speedster.

"...I don't like the way Darkstar is mooning over my sister." Pietro explained. "It was bad enough that _Toad_ was doing it."

"Wanda took out the _X-Men_ by _herself_ , remember?" Lance reminded. "I think she can handle Darkstar."

"Guy's a punk."

"A 'punk' who has a crush on her the size of Texas." Lance retorted. "Look, he's not an idiot. He won't try anything. And what do you care?"

"She and I may...not see eye-to-eye on occasion, but she is all the family I have left...well, family I _don't_ want to wring the neck of."

"Yeah, true." Lance admitted. "Still, Wanda can handle herself. I think the date will go well. Go relax and find something constructive to do with yourself." Lance walked off. Pietro frowned at the now empty doorway. He turned back to the window, and his frown deepened further. _I'll have to keep an eye on those two..._

Meanwhile, Wanda and Craig rode into town.

"How much further?" Wanda asked.

"Not much longer." Craig answered.

"Do you know where we're going?"

"Right here." The Starcycle parked in a space in front of a white-bricked restaurant. Wanda looked up at the sign over the doorway as she and Craig removed their helmets: A fancy-lettered sign with "Chez Laurent" written on it.

"Hey, I recognize this place." Wanda realized. "This is that fancy French restaurant."

"Yeah." Craig confirmed. "Flint and Paul told me about this place."

"Oh, really?"

Craig nodded. "Yeah. Flint also took Lady Jaye here on a date once." He looked at Wanda. "I won't lie to you, I wanted to go to McDonald's." He pulled the band out of his hair and shook his head, letting it go free.

"Yeah, I've been told to stay away from McDonald's for the time being." Wanda rubbed her neck.

"Pietro?"

"Pietro. And my attempt to stuff him into the shake machine."

"I'm guessing that Pietro tossed ketchup packets at you." Craig guessed with a smirk as the two walked in. A woman stood at the podium.

"Bonjour!" She greeted with a perky expression, her voice having a slight French lilt. "Table for two?"

"Uh, yeah." Craig nodded.

"On a date?" The woman deduced.

"Yes." Wanda nodded.

"Ah, magnifique, magnifique." She smiled and took two menus. "Booth or table?"

"Booth." Craig and Wanda answered in unison.

"Oui, right this way!" The woman motioned for the two young mutants to follow her. They did so, and she led them to a booth. Once they sat down, she gave them the menus. "Would you like some water?"

"Sure."

"On the way!" The woman walked away.

"I've snapped over little stuff before myself." Craig admitted, looking at his menu. Unbeknownst to the two young mutants, a figure was watching them from behind a bush.

 _Hmmm..._ Pietro Maximoff, disguised by a long trenchcoat and hat, pondered what his sister and Craig were talking about. _I wish I could've gotten my hands on some of the ninja's listening equipment, but even a speedster needs time._ He sighed as he watched a waiter give them glasses of water and take their orders. _What the hell **are** they going on about?! Well, besides ordering food..._

"I...once snapped and punched out a mall security guard." Craig confessed. "He kept staring at me, and it drove me insane. He also mocked this." He pointed at the star on his face.

"Ah, I see." Wanda nodded.

"Yeah." Craig nodded. "It's why I don't like people in my space. This star on my face gets attention."

"I take it it's part of why you don't like telepaths like Xavier?" Wanda deduced.

"...you could say that." Craig nodded. "Think about it, Wanda. Someone having the ability to just, well...root around inside your brain and do whatever they want. It's kind of creepy when you think about it."

"Yeah, I can see what you mean." Wanda nodded. The waiter arrived with their orders. After thanking them, they began to eat. "Mm, this is good."

"Yeah, it is." Craig nodded.

"You know, it's nice to hear you be introspective like this." Wanda smiled. Craig shrugged.

"I dunno. Guess I can just talk to you about this stuff." Craig picked at his food. "I mean, when you think about it, we do have some stuff in common. We both went through some crazy things growing up and we both have annoying twin brothers."

"To be honest, I don't really think Paul is that annoying. He's nice." Wanda admitted.

"Of course." Craig rolled his eyes.

"He is! I'd rather have him as a brother than Pietro." Wanda countered. "Paul doesn't go around perving, he doesn't pull stupid pranks..."

"Naw, he's just so ridiculously...sunny." Craig sighed. "It can be a real pain at times."

"I think you are lucky to have a brother like him." Wanda smirked teasingly. "I don't think you are as annoyed by him as you like to say."

"Really?" Craig's voice was dry.

"Yeah." Wanda nodded. "If you _really_ hated him that much, you've have abandoned him a long time ago."

"In that case, I could say the same thing about you and Pietro. If you _really_ hated him as much as you said, you'd have tossed him aside or killed him a long time ago." Wanda opened her mouth, but then closed it. Craig smirked. "I thought so."

"...I didn't because he knew where our father was." Wanda explained. "I hate his guts, you know."

"I heard. And I don't blame you, considering who he is."

"He locked me in a nuthouse. God knows what he did to Pietro. Man was not meant to have children."

"He sure wasn't." Wanda agreed. The waiter smiled as he walked up to them.

"I take it you enjoyed the food?" The waiter asked with a smile.

"Food was good, thanks." Wanda answered with her own smile.

"Yeah, it was." Craig picked at some of the food on his plate. "Well, except for this. Did like everything else, though. But that stuff...it was like dog food."

"I understand." The waiter took the plates. "Would you like dessert?"

"I could go for a piece of chocolate cake right now." Wanda rubbed her hands eagerly.

"Alright, why not?" Craig shrugged. "Been a while."

"Very well." The waiter smiled and walked off with their plates. Craig waited until the man was out of earshot before continuing his line of conversation.

"You know, Pietro has no idea where he is now."

"Yeah, true." Wanda sighed. "But my time with the Joes has really helped get a lot of things in perspective. And to be fair, as annoying as Pietro is, he's not Magneto."

"That's fair." Craig concurred. "Pietor is a lot of things, but he's hardly that crazy old hypocrite."

 **The restaurant's kitchen**

"DOG FOOD?!" The head chef screamed in rage. He then grabbed a meat cleaver, murder in his eyes. "I'll show _him_ dog food!" The chef tried to run into the dining hall, but the other chefs and the waiter were holding him back.

 **Back in the dining area**

"Hypocrite?" Wanda snickered. "I have to admit, I've heard him called a lot of things, but 'hypocrite' is a new one."

"He is, when you think about it." Craig explained. "The man claims to fight for our kind, but instead only makes our kind look bad and gives 'normal' humans even _more_ reason to fear us."

"I know." Wanda nodded. "Thing is, he's crazy."

"That's blatantly obvious." Craig rolled his eyes. A waiter arrived with their cake slices. They thanked him and dug in. "This cake is pretty good."

"You know, I wonder what made him like that." Wanda thought out loud as she dug in. "Mm, this cake _is_ good."

 _So far, nothing funny..._ Pietro thought as he watched them. _They're having cake._

"Who knows?" Craig shrugged. "And quite honestly, I don't care. That man has made a lot of mutants' lives really miserable."

"Be glad you're not _related_ to him."

"Oh believe me, I am." Craig chuckled. The two finished off their cake.

"Check, please!" Wanda called out. After they got their check and paid it, the two left the restaurant and got on Craig's Starcycle. "Where should we go next?"

"To be honest, I haven't thought that far ahead." Craig admitted. "There's a beach. Up for a walk?"

Wanda shrugged. "Sure." The two rode off on the customized bike. Pietro watched this from behind a bush.

 _The beach, huh?_ Pietro smirked. _I know_ _ **exactly**_ _which one they're going to head towards. It's right near here._ Making sure neither his twin nor Darkstar could notice him, Pietro carefully zipped behind them.

The two young mutants arrived at the beach, then walked down to the sand. Wanda removed her shoes, and Craig undid his bowtie and the top button of his shirt. He also took off his jacket and slung it over his shoulder. The two young mutants glanced at the night sky.

"I never walked on a beach at night." Wanda said.

"Neither have I." Craig said.

"It's really beautiful, the way the stars reflect off the waves." Wanda pointed at the water. The two quietly sat down and watched the waves crest and hit the beach. The quiet would been found to be disconcerting for some, but for Craig and Wanda, it was nice.

"Yeah, it is." Craig stretched his arms. "...you know, Wanda...This date wasn't so bad."

"I had fun, too." Wanda smiled at the former gang member. "We should do it again sometime."

"I..." Craig's cheeks reddened slightly. "I...had fun tonight. We should." He found himself smiling slightly. Wanda chuckled.

"You look handsome when you smile." She kissed his cheek. "You should do it more often."

"I got a rep to maintain."

Wanda burst out laughing. "That's a good one." Unknown to them, Pietro was watching the whole scene from above them, hiding behind a bush.

 _So far, so good._ Pietro thought. _Craig isn't trying anything. Maybe I don't have anything to worry about. I'd better get out of here before they see me..._ Pietro leaned back, but got poked in the butt by some broken glass he didn't realize was behind him. The speedster's eyes widened. He screamed and leapt up in pain. He ended up stumbling down the ridge, and landing on the beach hard. The speedster grunted and muttered as he got to his feet. "Stupid lousy litterbugs!" He exclaimed as he wiped off the seat of his pants. "Lousy bunch of..." He realized that Wanda and Craig were staring at him. His star-covered eye was glowing a hot, angry dark purple. Wanda's hands were crackling with blue hex energy. And they were _not happy._ "Uh oh..."

"Hope you wrote your will, Maximoff..." Craig growled.

"How long were you watching us, Pietro?!" Wanda exclaimed.

"Oh, crap..." Pietro winced.

 **Misfit Manor, the Pit**

A group of Misfits were sitting in the living room, enjoying various activities.

"Got any fives?" Todd asked Lance. The two were sitting at opposite ends of a coffee table, playing cards.

"Go fish." Lance answered. Todd grabbed a card from the stack of cards sitting on the table between them. Meanwhile, Althea was watching TV, and Xi was sitting next to her, playing a game.

"What're you playing, Xi?" Althea inquired.

" _Pokemon._ " Xi explained with a smile. "Paul introduced me to it. It's a wonderful game. You collect creatures, and have them battle each other." He squeaked in delight. "I got one! It looks like a little armadillo! It's called a Sandshrew." Xi eagerly showed the screen to Althea. "Look!"

"That's nice, Xi." Althea nodded with a smile.

"It is an adorable creature."

"Yeah, it's cute." Althea said. The group then heard a scream.

"The hell?" Lance blinked in confusion as he got up and walked to the window, the others following. They ended up seeing a blue blur race past the window. "What the-?!"

"That was Pietro!" Todd exclaimed.

"What could he possibly be running from?" Xi wondered. He soon got his answer. Craig was chasing after Pietro on his Starcycle. Wanda was sitting on the passenger seat, angrily yelling at her brother and tossing hexbolts. The four mutants blinked.

"Welp, he's a dead man." Todd shrugged. "I'm gonna make a sandwich, yo."

 _ **Well, looks like this little adventure has come to an end at last! Thanks for reading!**_


End file.
